Especially when their parents give them the $$ towards the house??!! I don't mean to feel like this, but sometimes I do... just wondering if anyone else feels like this?
KarenG
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I have felt like this in the past (about our wedding and our condo) but then I reminded myself that there is something tremendous to be said about building your life with your own resources.
When I look at our life, I take great pride in knowing that WE built this...all by ourselves.
Hang in there - the reward will be sweeter knowing you can take care of yourself all on your own....and that you bought your home all on your own!
For now though, take a moment, look around your apartment and celebrate what you have today. I'm sure its more than you had a year ago...and more than some others have today. You are blessed!
michele31
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Re: Friends with Homes...
It was difficult for me in College since I was the only one (or should I say it felt that way) whose parents really didn't do much to help them. My roommate's dad (we had been friends since Jr. High) took on a 2nd job just so his daughter could go to school and not come out with thousands of dollars of debt. They also purchased her hundred of dollars of new clothes and supplies every semester. And I remember when she got her Brother Word Processor...it was really hard back them for me to try and manage without any real help from my parents. My wedding was also a bit difficult since all of my friends had their parents pay for their receptions BUT my friends also had to put up with sooooo many 'I am paying so it will be this way' kinda stuff the whole planning process. Not me! I just said, 'I am paying for this so it will be my way'.
I can understand how hard it is when it feels like everyone around you is getting 'gifts' or getting ahead faster but try your best to know that you and DH can do this, on your own, without help. You are NOT the only ones out there struggling to buy a home and I think, in the end, will feel amazing your first night in your own home.
ChristineC68
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I don't think it's unfair. But then everyone I know that bought a house bought it on their own - they worked and saved hard for it so they 110% deserve it!
I actually like the freedom of renting. We don't have to do bring the trash to the curb, cut lawns, fix the boiler, etc. While I do hope to have our own home someday, I am content for now.
peabody
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Re: Friends with Homes...
If you can't do both at the same time, I think it is the decison that you make to either buy a house or have a wedding. We decided to take the money we saved up and buy house before we got engaged. So, we bought the house and 6 months later got in engaged and will be married October 1, 2004.
We paid for our house and we are paying for our wedding.
So, I don't think you should be bitter or angry at other people, I think you should re-evaluate your situation and decide what you really want.
CherylBooch
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I used to be jealous person, and get mad when mommy & daddy came to the rescue of COUNTLESS numbers of friends, while I was working like a DOG and paying for every little thing with not an ounce of help from my parents (college, cars, insurance... and now my HOUSE) But you know what? everything happens for a reason. I'm happy for my friends that their parents are so generous and so loving and want the best for their children. Actually- it makes me bitter towards my own parents that they didn't do SQUAT to help me. I don't and won't take it out on my friends. But man- will it feel GOOD when Mike and I move into our own house that we bought together with our own blood, sweat and tears! An amazing feeling of accomplishement and pride that those others will NEVER feel.
anna
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I think we all have that feeling of 'boy what a life' when looking at situations that others had easier than you. But like everyone said, and said so well, you will feel SO DARN PROUD when you walk into that home that you and hubby worked for on your very own !
To a certain point, I dont think there's anything wrong with parents giving gifts to their children if they can afford it, but I know several people who have never grown as adults and have never gotten to understand the value of a dollar, because things were always handed to them.. NOW that things are NOT handed to them as easily (I guess the well can run dry after so many years ), they have NO CLUE how to shop smart, save or even where to BEGIN on 'Affording' anything... I find it quite sad in a way. They are well into adulthood and cant fathom the idea of paying/affording/coming up with rent or just day-to-day survival... so its a harsh wakeup call now that they have to...
Hubby and I paid for everything ourselves. From wedding to home, and we are very proud of ourselves.
My parents and grandparents always taught us to 'Save it for a day that you'll need it' and Im glad I did...
So dont be jealous or bitter, you will truly come out the champ and the better person in the end
July2004Bride
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Re: Friends with Homes...
Thanks everyone...
starhead
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Re: Friends with Homes...
We paid for our wedding and home with no help from our parents and I must say it was difficult at times. I have many friends who had lavish weddings and down payments for homes/cars and whatever they wanted given to them by their parents and it is frustrating, however....one day mommy and daddy will not be there to help them out at every turn and they will not know how to cope. Being independent from a young age and having to work for the things you want and need in life is a good thing!! You have the satisfaction in knowing that you worked for all you have.
Latina511
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Re: Friends with Homes...
Posted by ChristineC68
I actually like the freedom of renting. We don't have to do bring the trash to the curb, cut lawns, fix the boiler, etc. While I do hope to have our own home someday, I am content for now.
That is exactly how I feel.
But I do think its unfair as I have friends that their parents hand them everything.
Scoop
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I was the first from my group of friends to purchase a house which my husband and I bought ourselves. Everyone's situation is different and I don't think it would bother me how my friends bought their homes.
Fran M
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I call it 'House Envy' I get it every time we drive through certain areas. Dont get me wrong I love our home and we are proud of what we have accomplished. There is always going to be someone you know who earns more, was given more or just dosent have to work as hard. It makes some of us strive for more which is not necessarily a bad thing. Its just life.
Claud2001
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Re: Friends with Homes...
DH and I paid for our own wedding and our own home. We were given sizable gifts from both sets of parents, but that was after all the plans were in place, so no one dictated what 'they wanted'...it was still our day.
But, can I let you in on a little secret? Those people whose parents helped them buy their houses are NOT always happy about their situations....
I know TWO different couples who had their in-laws contribute large sums of money to the purchase of their homes - and BOTH couples are in difficult situations right now. One is headed for a divorce, and the other is being 'forced' to have MIL and BIL live in their house!
My advice...work hard, save as much as you can, and TAKE PRIDE in knowing that your home will truly be yours and DH''s alone!
ETA: I voted that I do not think it is 'unfair'...as I stated, there are often 'strings attached' to the contribution of money...with ANYTHING you do! Unless it is truly a *gift* there will always be some slack to deal with...JMO.
anna
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Re: Friends with Homes...
Claud, you just reminded me of someone I know whose mom put a HUGE chunk of their down payment (well probably all of it!) and she lives with them no bargain lemme tell ya!
I cant imagine accepting such a huge 'gift' just in the best interest of being 'home owner'. and I totally agree with everything else you said. JMO
KCDC
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Re: Friends with Homes...
I get jealous sometimes. I hate renting. I was always the one getting everything handed to them. So was dh. All of my friends are always asking how come my dad or his dad don''t hand us money for a house. Know what? If they did, yeah it would be great, but like everyone else said, there''s a certain gratification about getting it yourself. My dad said he would love to hand us money for a house, and he could. But as horrible as it sounds to say, yet its true.....what happens if things don''t work out? Then he''s out that money. You don''t always know the conditions of the money that was handed to the people who got help. Whose name is the house in? To me, it would always seem like some unspoken element of control given to the parent who gave the money. We get plenty of help, from both sides, but the house situation.....my dads way of helping....he''s letting us live with him until we come up with the money we need. And a couple that I know, whose parents (her parents) gave money, are in the middle of a divorce, and its a huge huge mess b/c of the money that was 'given' to them.
charliesgirl
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Re: Friends with Homes...
My husband and I were just talking about this topic over the weekend. Our closest couple friends just bought a house. They spent a lot of money and they did get help from both parents. We saw the house this weekend and let me just say that I am not jealous of what they have. I wouldn't have spent the amount of money they did on the house they got. Its very small and they eventually want to gut it and make it bigger.
My husband wants a house so badly but I am willing to rent for a little bit longer and save money. If I'm going to spend the amount of money our friends did I want to be sure that I bought a house that we both love and didn't settle for.
I'm sure when the time comes when we are ready to buy a house our parents will help us as much as they can.
sam
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Re: Friends with Homes...
We just moved into our house this August- after renting. We did it on our own and it was the best feeling in the world knowing that the house was truly OURS. I worked my way through college and we paid for most of our wedding ourselves. Our parents gave cash gifts for the wedding which helped with some expenses, but the house was completely on our own. Therefore, nobody but us had a say in what we were buying. We have our house now and we love it! Its OURS and it was so worth the struggle! Don't worry- your time will come. I hated renting while my friends parents were helping them buy their homes. 'House envy' can be a difficult thing, but those friends should admire you and DH for doing it on your own!
TrayLu47
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Re: Friends with Homes...
Hey! The other women on here are on point!
I'd also like to add.....
You cannot control the fact that some people's parents have money and some don't! Yes, there are some spoiled people out there who gets everything handed to them, but in the long run, are they really fortunate?
To me when you work hard for something you appreciate and respect the value of it. When things are just handed to you, it does not have a meaning behind it, so consequently you don't appreciate it.
You and your husband have to sit together and come up with a plan! Once you do that and stick to it, you'll be surprised at how you can get what you want and feel proud of yourselves b/c the two of you worked for it. I agree that having a house can be extremely expensive,but these days there are so many house buying options that you don't have to be envious of anyone! There more homeowners than you think who didn't have anything handed to them and had to work their ASSES off for it!
If owning a house is that important to you, then look into your life and see what you can cut back on or sacrifice for a while in order to make it happen.
