frustrations with my mother

Okay so me and my mother have been butting heads ever since I got engaged...She has been stressing me out and acting as if it is her wedding, as if she gets to have three weddings...And then she always throws in my face how she is paying for my wedding...Like she does things to hurt me I feel...I have wonderful ideas, and it is my wedding, yet she always knows how to make me feel stupid and dumb for having these ideas...Only her way is best...She like screams and yells and throw a tantrum if I try telling her how she is making me feel...It's all me, me, me....I really don't know what to do!!! I am losing my mind, like it is no longer fun for me

frustrations with my mother

Hang in there girl! Sometimes it's a give and take situation when it comes to our parents. Why don't you guys have a heart-to-heart talk and explain to your Mom that although you are very appreciative of her paying for the wedding, you would like to contribute some ideas because after all, it is YOUR wedding and you are the BRIDE!

But be gentle with the tone, you wouldn't want to get Mommy too upset where you can't get married in that nice Somereley Room. Maybe bust out the wine to ease the tension. LOL But it will all work out. That's how it is with Moms, we love them but they can get on our nerves! ;o)

frustrations with my mother

You are so right :) Thank you!!! I had sometime to think about what happened and I know I am not innocent too, and I should have never put this complaint up because we are best friends and I do respect and love her so much!!! Thank you for your advice :)

frustrations with my mother

My mom said to me, at the beginning of planning, that while this is my wedding, it's also a celebration for her. It really stuck with me since I started planning, and while I don't always agree with my mom, I try to let her have her say in things. I took her to some vendors with me, and gave her the opportunity to ask questions. She is coming with me to see bands and try on dresses. I'm trying to keep her as involved as I can, while also making the final decisions myself.

My parents are also contributing most of the cost of the wedding, but that doesn't mean that they are the bosses. I made it very clear at the beginning of the planning that if they were going to just dictate to me what they wanted, and expect me to do everything they requested, they could just take their money right back to the bank.

I know it's hard, and you wanna wring her neck sometimes (I have those moments too), but just keep in mind that you'd rather your mom be involved than not interested in your wedding. I know I'm glad I have my mom by my side, and consider myself lucky that she can share in this special occasion.

Hope this helps!

frustrations with my mother

We are older, and very lucky to be able to pay for the wedding ourselves, but we are thinking first and foremost of our families and guests and getting their opinion on everything because we do see it as a family and friends party more than our wedding. But we still make all the plans after listening to all sides. It's hard!

frustrations with my mother

I was having the same problem for a long time and I finally had a long talk with my mom and told her how much she was hurting me and ruining the experience for me by doing what she was doing. I also laid down the line and said that I will always take her ideas into consideration but ultimately I make the final decisions and it wouldn't get her anywhere to complain about it. I told her that her that if she continued to throw her paying for the venue in my face that I would postpone the wedding and we'd pay for it ourselves. That all shut her up and we've had a much better situation ever since. I also gave her free reign of the shower so she feels like her ideas can actually happen.

frustrations with my mother

My mom and I were butting heads when we first got engaged, but we had been fighting for YEARS prior to that. This just especially bothered me that she couldn't resist throwing her weight around for something as happy as planning my wedding. She got mad because I posted about my engagement on Facebook before she got to tell the whole family (meanwhile, it took her days to 'find the time' to contact some of them). She got mad when I told her I didn't want to get married in my home parish. I kept trying to think of any excuse possible to NOT invite her to the wedding.

But since then, I've moved out and everything is a LOT better. I've found that involving her in as much of the planning as possible has helped. Because my parents are helping to pay for a large portion of the wedding, I let her know about different vendors FH and I have seen or showcases I've been to and what I like and don't like. Since FH and I basically have our day envisioned, I usually come to her with an unofficial decision. And she doesn't interfere. She'll make suggestions and I even find myself considering them! I think moms just need to feel like their thoughts are being taken into account sometimes.

frustrations with my mother

I completely agree with all, and like it is tough for me to hear her out because I had this day envisioned for most of my life, so I feel like she is thinking my ideas are not good enough, when instead she just wants to give me good ideas that I do actually take...I love my mother and it has been a power struggle for my adult life with other things as well...I just have to let it go though, because I do love her so much and she does just want to help out and make it a very beautiful and special experience for me...I just hate it when she throws a tantrum like that makes it about herself...

Re: frustrations with my mother

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Posted by tinydancer

You are so right :) Thank you!!! I had sometime to think about what happened and I know I am not innocent too, and I should have never put this complaint up because we are best friends and I do respect and love her so much!!! Thank you for your advice :)

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No problem!

frustrations with my mother

:)

frustrations with my mother

I completely agree, tantrums are NOT fun. I always end up more upset than I think my mother is when she throws one.