Getting married before your older sister?

I am 24, my sister's 28, and she's not in a relationship. This is definitely causing problems, because she is NOT happy that she doesn't have a guy and even LESS that her baby sister is getting married before her. Is anyone else in a similar situation? It's causing major tension, and it's sad because I feel like she would've been the best MOH if she weren't so upset about the situation. I WISH it had been her first!!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

i personally don't have that (only a brother) but i witnessed it with my SIL and her sister. My SIL is quite a bit younger and has had a lot of good come her way through life before her sister.

it's rough but what can you honestly do? it's all what you make of it.

sit down and have a talk! get everything off both your chests

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

sorry, im the youngest of 5 so im the last to get married... but my sister that is right before me got married before the middle one... i dont think there was any issue with a younger sibling getting married first... the middle child was married 2 years later...

it ***** that you have to feel that way... i would talk to her... but dont stress over it... you cant wait for other people to live your life

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

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Posted by AngnShaun

you cant wait for other people to live your life

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Exactly. I'm the oldest and the first to get married, but I don't think I'd care if my sister was before me. Not now, obviously- she's 16. LOL. But I would've been supportive!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

i get what you mean. my sister is 6 years older than me and she isn't married. she's been with her boyfriend for a year & a half and she lives at his house, yet their relationship doesn't seem serious at all. he's extremely afraid of commitment - they haven't even said 'i love you' after a year & a half. and he has told her that he won't be marrying her ever because he isn't in love with her. and she seems ok with it because before him, she was in an extremely serious relationship for 3 years that everyone (including her) assumed that they would get married, and he left her 3 weeks after she moved to another state to be with him.

when i first got engaged, i noticed little things that made me know that she was bothered but now that we're getting really close to the wedding, she seems 100% happy for me and she's soo excited to give her speech and for the bachelorette party and all that stuff. i say just give your sister time... i know that this is the happiest time in your life but i think that as little sisters, we need to be sensitive to their feelings. i know they're happy for us- it just may be a little hard because they assumed they would be married way before us.

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

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Posted by scatteredx12

i get what you mean. my sister is 6 years older than me and she isn't married. she's been with her boyfriend for a year & a half and she lives at his house, yet their relationship doesn't seem serious at all. he's extremely afraid of commitment - they haven't even said 'i love you' after a year & a half. and he has told her that he won't be marrying her ever because he isn't in love with her. and she seems ok with it because before him, she was in an extremely serious relationship for 3 years that everyone (including her) assumed that they would get married, and he left her 3 weeks after she moved to another state to be with him.

when i first got engaged, i noticed little things that made me know that she was bothered but now that we're getting really close to the wedding, she seems 100% happy for me and she's soo excited to give her speech and for the bachelorette party and all that stuff. i say just give your sister time... i know that this is the happiest time in your life but i think that as little sisters, we need to be sensitive to their feelings. i know they're happy for us- it just may be a little hard because they assumed they would be married way before us.

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Thanks This is really helpful!!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

don't worry - she will have to deal with it. you need to happy with your decision. everyone's time will come!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

I have experienced this with my FSIL who is older than me. But she is younger than FH so I don't get what the big deal is.

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

My sister is 6 years younger and about two years ago, she was planning a wedding. She was 20 at the time - people in the south generally marry at younger ages, it seems - and it didn't bother me that she was set to be married before me. What bothered me was that the guy was a complete douchebag, and luckily, he showed his true colors before they made things legal.

I really don't understand why girls flip out if their younger sibling gets married first. Life isn't a race to the altar, and marriage isn't the only thing to define a person.

ETA: to the OP - maybe you guys need to have a heart-to-heart about this?

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

I'm the oldest but I was worried about my 2 older cousins when I got engaged. They are both single and my aunt has been up their butts to get married and I was worried how they would feel that their younger cousin was getting married. They used to babysit me and my brother when we were babies and I thought it would hurt them to see me getting married when neither of them are; but they straight out told me they were very happy for me.

But I do feel like one of them is trying to live through me by always telling me what I 'have' to have or do for my wedding; she's even wearing an off-white dress with silver beading to the wedding. So you can imagine how I feel about that considering my dress is white with beadings on it.

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

SAME THING my sister is 29... maybe they should hang out together hahaha!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

Im sorry I am the oldest and my sister and her boyfriend already have two kids ( I dont know why they are not married) Even if she got married first being me I would be fine! Try not let it bring you down this is a happy time for you dont worry she will get by!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

fh is the youngest (he is 26)....his sis is like 33 and his bro is 39 and neither one have been married. his brother has a gf but his sister is not in a relationship. Still...they are both nothing but happy for us.

i think your sister needs to just realize this is not about her and she should just be happy for her sister.

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

My older sister is 29 and I'm 26. She told me when we first started planning that 'I'm happy for you but you have to realize that I'm a little thrown back that you're getting married first'. She's always been the one in relationships and I've always been the single one. My youngest sister got her heart broken a month before I got engaged so she's not too interested in any of it right now. My I know my older sister is happy for me, and once I started planning things and trying on my dress then she started to actually show that she was excited.

My FSIL however is a DIFFERENT story entirely! She was on and off with someone for 10 years. FINALLY March of 2008 they got engaged! RIGHT before FH and I got engaged she told me 'you can't plan anything until after my wedding. Franky wasn't even supposed to get engaged until after I got married, so don't plan anything until after.' I would have gotten married in 2009 but I wasn't allowed!

What I experienced with both of them is that I still do what I want. My older sister, I try to not do any kind of rubbing (for lack of a better word) in front of her on how I'm getting married. I just ask her questions like 'what would you wear or what would you do?' She appreciates that. My FSIL is like pulling nails and she got married in May. It hurts because the first 5 months of my engagement I cried every day because she wouldn't let me enjoy it. And then I still cry because it's almost like 'I've done this already! Why is she doing this stuff so fast and quickly?' So I just keep the wedding plans to myself unless she asks.

Give your sister time! She's excited, it's just sinking in still!

Re: Getting married before your older sister?

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Posted by es2189

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Posted by scatteredx12

i get what you mean. my sister is 6 years older than me and she isn't married. she's been with her boyfriend for a year & a half and she lives at his house, yet their relationship doesn't seem serious at all. he's extremely afraid of commitment - they haven't even said 'i love you' after a year & a half. and he has told her that he won't be marrying her ever because he isn't in love with her. and she seems ok with it because before him, she was in an extremely serious relationship for 3 years that everyone (including her) assumed that they would get married, and he left her 3 weeks after she moved to another state to be with him.

when i first got engaged, i noticed little things that made me know that she was bothered but now that we're getting really close to the wedding, she seems 100% happy for me and she's soo excited to give her speech and for the bachelorette party and all that stuff. i say just give your sister time... i know that this is the happiest time in your life but i think that as little sisters, we need to be sensitive to their feelings. i know they're happy for us- it just may be a little hard because they assumed they would be married way before us.

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Thanks This is really helpful!!

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no problem!! i know it's an awkward situation but i def think your sister will come around... once things start going into motion and she's planning your bachelorette party and your bridal shower and stuff, she's going to become so excited!