gift giving-a little long but please help

We were invited to a wedding which is next weekend in newport RI, and we are not going to. Then just about 2 weeks ago got a word of mouth invitiation to this couples engagement party which is tomorrow (one week before the wedding). We were under the impression it was a casual backyard kinda thing, but its a formal party at a catering hall (auntuns in hicksville). They emailed us a copy of the engagment party invitation which states 'no boxed gifts please' So since we planned on giving a wedding present the following weekend, what is an appropriate gift. Does the 'pay for your plate' rule apply? I'm not saying I always agree with that rule, but what do you give one week before a wedding?

sorry so long,
Thanks!

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Posted by MrsQ-in2007

I'm confused - this couple is getting married next week, but are having an engagement party this weekend? or is this two different couples?

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I was confused about the same exact thing

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Posted by dajc23

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Posted by MrsQ-in2007

I'm confused - this couple is getting married next week, but are having an engagement party this weekend? or is this two different couples?

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I was confused about the same exact thing

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nope you got it! They are getting married next weekend and their engagment party is tomorrow. I don't understand it either. We felt like we should go since we aren't going to the wedding. So I dont know what to give as a gift.

Was the length of their engagement really short?! It seems odd to have an engagement party 1 week before the wedding

To each their own, I guess ....

With it being so close to the wedding, I would probably give somewhere between $50 and $100 for the two of us, since they requested 'no boxed gifts'

If I asked DH for his opinion, he would probably say we should buy them something off the registry and take it out of the box.

Is it possible that since the wedding is out of state, they are expecting a lot of physical gifts to be given at the wedding, so they didn't want the same for their 'engagement party'?

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

Was the length of their engagement really short?! It seems odd to have an engagement party 1 week before the wedding

To each their own, I guess ....

With it being so close to the wedding, I would probably give somewhere between $50 and $100 for the two of us, since they requested 'no boxed gifts'

If I asked DH for his opinion, he would probably say we should buy them something off the registry and take it out of the box.

Is it possible that since the wedding is out of state, they are expecting a lot of physical gifts to be given at the wedding, so they didn't want the same for their 'engagement party'?

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nope their wedding invitation also said no boxed gifts. They've been engaged for over a year. I don't know why its being done this weekend. It's an Indian wedding, I'm not sure if this is tradition or not. Maybe someone here knows....

I don't mean to be mean, but this is ridiculous.

By saying no boxed gifts, they are also asking for money. I really can't believe it.

Give whatever you feel comfortable giving - don't feel like you have to cover your plate and also, normally you give less for an e-party than for a wedding gift.

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Posted by MrsQ-in2007

I don't mean to be mean, but this is ridiculous.

By saying no boxed gifts, they are also asking for money. I really can't believe it.

Give whatever you feel comfortable giving - don't feel like you have to cover your plate and also, normally you give less for an e-party than for a wedding gift.

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Thats what I thought. And traditionally for an e-party my gift is less than my wedding gift. But DH feels the need to pay alot since its at a catering hall and probably costs alot. Personally IMO I think its pretty ballsy to ask for cash.

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Posted by akrasner

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Posted by MrsQ-in2007

I don't mean to be mean, but this is ridiculous.

By saying no boxed gifts, they are also asking for money. I really can't believe it.

Give whatever you feel comfortable giving - don't feel like you have to cover your plate and also, normally you give less for an e-party than for a wedding gift.

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Thats what I thought. And traditionally for an e-party my gift is less than my wedding gift. But DH feels the need to pay alot since its at a catering hall and probably costs alot. Personally IMO I think its pretty ballsy to ask for cash.

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I know everyone has their own opinion on this but I firmly believe that just because a couple chooses a pricey hall, that doesn't mean it's the responsibility of the guests to pay for it. And since their wedding is next week, seems like they can afford two big parties back to back. I'd give in the same range as was suggested above.

Ballsy indeed-give what you can. What are people these days thinking?

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Posted by akrasner

nope their wedding invitation also said no boxed gifts. They've been engaged for over a year. I don't know why its being done this weekend. It's an Indian wedding, I'm not sure if this is tradition or not. Maybe someone here knows....

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I am pretty sure that Indian weddings involve a few small pre-parties. Maybe its not an engagement party in the sense that we think of them?

But I am shocked that anyone would send an invitation that specifies what type of gifts to give .... ESPECIALLY a wedding invitation.

Including registry information is one thing, asking for cash is something else entirely.

On second thought, I would bring a boxed gift just to spite them

that sounds very strange to me but if it's a different culture, that might be how they do things. i really dont know.

do they mean no boxed gifts b/c they don't want to travel with them?
Can you order them a gift and have it shipped to them?

I don't think there's a right answer to your question.
Give what you want to give, and don't feel guilty or badly about your choices.

since this is an indian wedding, it may not be an engagement party per say... they do have several events that lead up to the wedding... usually the wedding festivities for traditional hindi weddings are 3-4 days long....

as far as gifts though, i don't know what to tell you!

I have never heard of no boxed gifts on the invite..its basically asking for cash..strange. The eparty so close to the wedding in also weird. Anyway- I would just give $100...but put it in a box

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Posted by donegal419

since this is an indian wedding, it may not be an engagement party per say... they do have several events that lead up to the wedding... usually the wedding festivities for traditional hindi weddings are 3-4 days long....

as far as gifts though, i don't know what to tell you!

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It is definitely an engagement party. Thats what the invite said. There are other several smaller things also leading up to the wedding but those are seperate. I think we've decided just to combine our wedding/engagement gifts together in one check. Thanks for your advice ladies!