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Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

Emma2-22 Posted:

Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

I don't really have many people that I truly consider my friends. Also, out of those that I do consider real friends at least half are male. The girlfriend that I asked to me my MOH is one who I knew since high school. Now I'm not sure I made the right decision because she is never around, I have to call her 3-4 times before I can actually get in touch with her, etc...

But most importantly I feel that the last straw was just recently. My grandma died on Saturday morning and I called her up sunday morning to tell her and she said that she felt bad but she didn't actually offer her condolences, I asked if she was going to come by the funeral home and she said yes but out of 2 evenings that we had my grandma at the funeral home my supposed MOH did not show she didn't even call until late on the last day and left a message stating that she was waiting to see if she could find someone to take her (the train station is up the block). But after I left the funeral home and got her message I called and she was 'out at the store'? I left a message for her to call me because I was hoping she would at least come to the church service. Anyhow, she didn't call me back. So in all she didn't come to pay her respects at the funeral home nor did she attend the service or burial. And she didn't really even take the time to call me in between time to see how I was doing.

So I'm thinking of firing her and asking my other girlfriend who I've know for even longer (elementary school) she may not be around as often as she used to be since she's been with her boyfriend but she actually cares, calls me, emails me, and she came to the funeral home to pay her respects and show her support for me and my family.

Please help me ladies! What should I do?

julybride444 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

Make sure you think clearly and take time to breath before doing this, because it will probably end your friendship permanently. But, if after this you feel the friendship will be ended anyway, go ahead and tell her honestly how you feel and that you want someone who has more of an interest as your MOH.

Here's why I think this: My DH didn't ask one of his friends that he's been friends with since they were little (there were always 4 of them as the four muskateers) to be in the bridal party because their friendship was on the rocks. He had some guilt about it for over a year, but then 3 days before the wedding this friend announced that his 'guest' would by DH's twin brothers ex-girlfriend (that he used to live with and hasn't seen in 2 years). When we told him he couldn't bring her he opted not to come at all, and told his parents not to come either. Very trashy.

So, the moral of the story is if you already feel that this person is not up for the job, and you are questioning your choice, you may find that your gut is right and you have to replace her.
kelly6273 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this at such a difficult time in your life. I would dump her! Sounds like she isn't a very good friend to you.

HUGS...
Sassy Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

You know what?
I KNOW exactly how you feel.
I don't want to tell you what to do, but I have FIRED a couple so called good friends who were not there for me during my Mom's Funeral process, and I HAVE NOT regretted it ONE bit.

If I cannot have my friends around when I NEED them, TRULY need them, than what good are they?

I'm so sorry this happenned to you. Good Luck whatever you decide and Peace to you and your family
aliciahelene Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

CAN HER!! get rid of her!! You want true friends standing up there with ya when you get married! I have alot of friends.but very few good ones. Good ones are hard to find! Im sorry to hear about yoru grandma!
get rid of the bad friend!!!!
Emma2-22 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

Bump

alfordk9 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

I am really truly sorry to hear about this. My grandmother died a few years ago and all my friends from college drove up to be at the funeral with me. I can't even begin to tell you how much that meant to me and my family. It still brings a tear to my eye now.

You have to do what you feel is best and honestly our advice is probably going to help a little bit but in the end you have to follow your heart because we don't know everything that has happened and from the sounds of your post it is probably more than just this one incident.

I wish you the best and I send you hugs!
butterfly20 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

i would definately dump her, thats not right to do what she did...and you have a perfect replacement already..
ChristineC68 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

In your shoes, I would give myself some time to greive then talk to her. Some people are truly not able to handle death, greif, etc. It's not right, but it's true.

If she just completely blew you off then I would ask her to step down because her actions were hurtful and not those of a friend, never mind a MOH.

If it's because of her inability to handle the situation, then remember the reasons you asked her in the first place.

(From a personal note, I had a friend that was not incredibly supportive towards me when my father died. It is something I will never forget as long as I live but I know it's because of the way she handles these situations, it was not a reflection of her feeling for me.)

I am sorry you are going through so much and again my condolences for your grandmother
michele31 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

What a sad situation. It is sad that your friend was so unsupportive during such a difficult time for you and your family.
I would wait a week, see if she calls you. If not, then tell her why you feel the way you do. You don't need 1/2 friends. You need real ones.
KFA5477 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

i know what you are going threw
but i'm on the other end i'm a moh to someone who never calls nor lets me in on her wedding planning anyway
if you have a really good friend who is a male have a man of honor
that is what i'm doing
i didn't want to choose between my friends so i picked my male cousin who is like a brother to me
good luck
Bacardi527 Posted:

Re: Girls I need your help! Thinking of firing my MOH. (LONG)

I understand your dilemna because I didnt have a death but my MOH was always unavailable- and I looked back on all of the milestones that I had in my life and I dont remember her being there- so when she told me that she wasnt coming to my engagement party -I really had it - I was short and sweet but I told her how I felt- being that I have been to EVERY milestone in her life- I gave her something to think about- maybe you should do the same tell her how hurt you are that she didnt come pay her respects and if she is not going to be there for you then you would like her to step down as your MOH- you only get one wedding- but either way you have to accept what kind of friend she is as opposed to what you expect her to be- because she has probably always been like this and because you are having such a big event you are noticing more so- If you prepared to lose a friendship- because you never know people reactions- then confront her and let her know- I knw that you will never forget her not being there but maybe you can snap her into reality and see how she acts maybe shell come around- just be careful and think before you make any drastic decisions Good Luck

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