Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)

I totally understand the stress behind this decision! However, I don't think that choosing a Godparent should be about who will see the child the most, send the most cards and give the most presents at holidays and birthdays. That is not what it is about. But, I do agree w/you that the person should be responsible for building a solid, loving and open relationship with your child. Too often, children grow up with only one Godparent playing a dominant role in their lives....and others can't even name either of their Godparents!

One thing to check w/your parish...from my experience I learned that both Gadparents do not have to be Catholic anymore (like they did years and years ago), so Scott's brother not being confirmed and his other sister not baptizing her own child should not really factor into your decision (at least not for those reasons).

I think compromise is very important b/c your spouse can get extremely hurt by this....after all, this is not just your child. In our situation, Jeff agrees that his family, since they are not religious at all or affiliated w/ANY faith, would probably not even be comfortable with being chosen as a potential Godparent. So that makes my life easy (thank goodness!).

I 'adopted' new godparents when I was in HS. My godfather has pretty much ousted himself from the family - there was a big fight and we hardly ever see him and his family (and don't really talk to each other when we do see them).

My godmother (my cousin) wasn't around much. She was dealing with issues in her life and wasn't happy. (She's since become happy, gotten a new girlfriend/life partner, and is much more pleasant and involved. She was extremely generous at my wedding and shower).

Anyway, in HS, I told my aunt and uncle that I was adopting them as godparents (since the other two were absent). My aunt and uncle are my younger sisters godparents and we're very close with them.

My older sisters godparents are my mom's oldest friend (who always would send Laura a card or gift on her birthday, but not us ) and my other uncle (who in no way makes a special effort because of the godfather status.)

I am going through the same thing with the exception that Steve doesn't see the big deal about GP's He has 2 sister's and I have a sister and a brother. My sister converted to Judism so I thought she was out ( I recently found out as long as one GP is Christian it is OK for the other not to be) My brother is non-religious so he is out. Steve doesn't want to pick between his 2 sister's and has told me you pick. So great I get his family looking at me like I'm the beeatch of the century because we didn't pick either of them. We were going to ask about having 2 GM's instead of 1 of each. Steve then said ask my best friend and her husband. Which I would love to do but I want my sister too! So I guess I have to call my church so I really know what goes! AHHHHHH

Michele I can say to you that when my BF had her daughter and chose her SIL and BIL to be her GP's I was hurt. I really think you should follow your heart and your BF would be so touched by your gesture. His sister can be your next child's GM. Or maybe ask your church if you can have 2 GM's Good luck

I'm sorry you're going through this. . .it really is a tough decision to make.

When I worked for a church here on LI, I used to deal with Christenings all the time. Godparents needed to be baptized Catholics - so any of his siblings could be Godparents as long as they were baptized (granted they should be practicing, but that's a whole other story).

I also remember that a Godparent had to be at least 16 years old. Your brother may not be 'allowed' to be the baby's Godfather if he is only 14 - that is something you need to check out with your church.

In the 'old days' it used to be whoever was your BM and MOH at your wedding were the Godparents for your first baby.

Good luck, and I know you and Scott will make the best decision for your baby!

I know that his siblings CAN be Godparents but in my book, if you are not even baptizing your own children you are NOT going to help with my children's spirtual up bringing. I believe that a God parent (again JMO) should have some Faith in God. I have a sister who is Wicken (maybe I spelled that wrong) and I am not even considering asking her since we have totally different religious beliefs. And she knows and understands and supports my decision on this issue.
I WANT to comprimise, sorta, okay not really. I am just going to hope that Scott sees that Barbara will go the extra mile for our child and not just now, but in many years to come too.

And Claud- I totally agree about so many people NOT even knowing who their Godparents are. Scott hasn't seen his since he was 5 or something.

I so understand how stressful this is. When we were choosing Gp's for our son it was agonizing.

I am catholic, but not by choice, however DH is catholic. For me choosing a godparent had nothing to do with religon. But for DH it did.

I have a brother and Dh has 2. We decided not to go with my brother as he is twenty and right now his life is totally about him, He loves his nephew but he is not a priority. While my brother and I are somewhat colse I know he was not ready for the kinda commitment at this stage of his life. He was initally hurt by it, but learned to understand. DH is only close to one of his brothers, but even so I did not feel comfortable with choosing between them.

We chose a friend of DH's who is actively catholic, is a stable and a wonderful human being. For me he sets the morals and values that I want our son to learn and practice. That was very important to us.

I did not think we would ever choose a godmother. I have several friends but there lives are soo complicated and I did not feel that they would be there over the longhaul.

We ended up choosing someone who is a member of our family but not a relative. She is the wife of a friend of my mothers. Her and I always call eachother sisters. She is unable to have children of her own and I knew that she would dote on our DS.
And she does. He is so important to her and I know that she will always be there for him whenever he needs guidance or strength. She will teach him character and kindess. More of the traits I want our DS to encompass.

So for us it was about who set the kind of examples for our son that we want him to embody.
Perhaps if you have Scott look at it that way it may be easier to choose.

edit: Michele its: Wiccan. The fact that you are accepting of your sisters belief * since it's such a controversial practice, speaks volumes about you. Your children will be fabulous people, b/c they have a fabulous mother!! IMO!!!

I think my sister's beliefs are part of who she is. Wiccan is not a some scary religion to me. It is about nature and love. All good stuff

Michele..

I think you should pick whomever will have contact daily with your child..

My godfather passed when I was young but I can still remember him and all that he did for me.
My godmother lives in BOCA and I hear from her daily..
You need someone that will be around in 20 years..

That is the choice..
I know u will do fine in this decision process!

This is the hardest decision we've ever had to make since our baby is two faiths. We are agonizing over a Christening/Welcoming Ceremony like Phyl did (which is acceptable to Steve, but not his family - well, not in so many words). And, if it's a , Steve really wants a bris.

PLUS!!!!!! I want 2 GM's. They're both my sisters, and both RC. I really don't have an ideal GF, both of my brothers have been GF's before and quite frankly, they stink at it.

Also, the age for GPs is 16, HOWEVER, my 14-year old nephew received *permission* to be GF of my new nephew, Matthew last December. He had to present a letter from his parish in NH stating his maturity and that he's *ready* to be a GP. Sadly, his brother (my Godson) will only be 13 this August, so there's no way he will be permitted.

This stinks, but we MUST resolve it soon!! It's causing so much stress (for me, of course )

Good luck, Michele... I wish I could help!!

Michele - this is a such a tough decision! I don't have much advice for you, but ! Just so you know though, every parish must be different because we were told that only 1 GP must be Catholic - the other just needs to be a baptized Christian - which is important to me since my sister, who will be the GM is a Protestant. Also, it used to say the same thing on the Diocese of Rockville Centre site - but the site has been changed and I can no longer find the info. Good Luck with this!

Michele ... I sympathize you ... this is a difficult, but important decision. We also have strong feelings about who should be given this great honor.

Vinnie & I both had strong relationships with our GM's, both women play an important part of our lives still today & we knew that we want that for our child(ren). Our decision is not difficult, thankfully.

I don't necessarily agree that Scott's sister would make the best GM, but in the interest of keeping peace between you, you may have to go this route. When I hear this story, I think of my best gf who asked her SIL to be her son's GM mostly b/c of family politics, not based on a decision from the heart. I knew that I would not be asked, but that's ok. Here's how I see it. I may not actually be the baby's GM, BUT, I can still have a wonderfully rich relationship with him b/c I want to. I make time to see him, spend time playing with him & develop a bond with him & that it just as important as if I were named his GM.

If you are not able to ask your BF, who should rightfully be your child's GM, then I'm sure, based on your relationship with her, that she will IN ESSENCE be the child's GM. She will be there no matter what ... and later on, who knows, the child's confirmation sponsor? An adopted GM? Kids know who they are important to. And her relationship with your child(ren) will be by choice, not necessarily by responsibility. I think that's a pretty good way to think of it!!!

I think it'll all work out ok, but just sending you in the meantime. Let us know what you finally decide!!!

I know so many people who regret their choices for godparents because those people are hardly a part of their children's lives -- and it's not just friends, it's family members as well.

I'm lucky because I have one sister, so she's the GM (I told her since she wasn't my MOH, she's definitely my GM and that's a lifetime gig). Since Joe is an only child (he has 3 younger 1/2 brothers, but 2 of them aren't even a part of his life), I would assume he'd pick his cousin, who was his BM and is like a brother to him. But he said he doesn't know and told me to pick. I think it should be a mutual decision and I asked him about my BIL -- this way it's a couple. Which is a good and bad thing as well, because what if God forbid, they get divorced? I always thought it should be one from one side and one from the other, but that's not always a good solution.

Well, at least we have 9 months to decide and argue about it! Go with your gut instinct! Good luck choosing everybody!!!!

I really LOVE the way that Christine explained this situation...b/c the truth is...Barbara WILL be the one that's very important to your children. I know you want her to be the 'official' GM, but she will be a special person in their lives no matter what.

Also, I'm trying to see this from Scott's perspective, too. Especially since Jeff and I have a similar conflict when it comes to siblings. I find myself constantly needing to remind myself that my SIL is my hubby's sister - they shared a childhood, they share two parents and essentially, they share similar values, memories and family traits. Just b/c I do not agree with the way she lives her life, or the way she treats her family now, does not change the fact that my husband loves his sister and considers her VERY important in HIS life. It's these reasons why I have to learn to accept her in my life and my child's life - even if it makes me cringe.

Maybe Scott wants to ask his sister b/c he loves his sister, and wants her to be the special person to christen his first child. I really hope you guys can work this out and come up with a mutually acceptable decision - one that will make you both feel happy and confident in your choice.

michele - that's a hard decision to make. i can only add in my perspective. my mom only has one brother and my father is an only child. when i was born, my GP's were my mom's brother and his wife. little did we know then that they would get divorced when i was 6 and i would never hear from my aunt again!!! my uncle has played a huge role in my life, but my GM - absolutely no role. looking back, i certainly wish that my mom would have picked her GF - she is like a second mother to me.

i guess the moral of my story - to keep family peace sometimes you have to follow politics. but when your child is older they will truly understand who is important in their life, titles or no titles.