Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
michele31
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Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
How did you chose your 1st baby's Godparents? Did you argue about the decision?
My feeling is that too often people 'choice' based on politics and not who would be closest to the baby. I think a Godparent is very special and the person chosen she see that. I am my nephew's godmother and I always send him 'TO my godson' cards, not just nephew. I also get him religious gifts at different holidays- such as a children's pray book and a toy nativity set. I don't want to pick someone because 'that's fair'. My situation: we both agree my younger brother Gregory (who will be 14) should be Godfather. He and I are very, very close and he is like my own child. Scott and I KNOW that Gregory will love our baby and really be very close to him/her. Also, I know he will be very honored by this. Now for the Godmother- I want to ask my best friend of 25 years. Scott thinks we should ask his sister. My BF will be sooooo much closer to our child. I know this for a fact. We do not go 2 days without speaking and see each other all the time. She is like a sister to me. She was more excited than anyone when she found out I was PG. In fact, she was the 1st to know (before Scott even, long story in a previous post). She even offered to take time off from work to watch the baby when I have to go back so I can avoid daycare for another week! Scott's sister (the older of the two sisters) is very, very nice. I like her a lot. But I do not feel the same closeness at all and while I think she will be a good Aunt, I don't think making her Godmother will be anything 'extra' to her. It will not change her relationship with the baby at all. Scott feels it should be one person from each side, which I think is silly. It should be the 2 best people for our child! help, advise, comments
shamma
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Michelle, my pastor takes this role quite seriously so I know where you are coming from. Just as in choosing a Bp member it should not be just any ole friend but people who love you and will support your marriage. The same care should be taken in choosing GP. This being said, I think GP plays an important role in a child's life, if the mother or the father is not around anymore, that GP should be like another parent to this child, so do not feel pressured just to chose any person. Some people take the role and think its all about b-day and chrismas, you are to be there for the parents as well as the child. If the parents need a night out you should be able to step up and do your part. This is how I feel anyway.
natasha
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
I thought babies get two godmothers and 2 godfathers At least that's the way it is done in my culture.
In your case, I agree that it should be two of best person for the baby. However, I don' think Scott will buy that since your brother is the godfather.
NovemberSue
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
I think that since your brother is going to be the godfather,Scott should ask his sister. Then the next baby,you can ask your BF and Scott could pick the Godfather. I'm sorry to disagree with you on this one but its my honest opinion. Although you don't feel as close to his sister,'HE DOES.' I think it should be fair that you each pick one. JMO
michele31
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Scott will never be able to choice a Godfather because his one brother never even made his communion. His other sister never baptized her own child so she is out of all running. Scott also picked my little brother- not just me. He cannot imagine picking another Godfather either. Scott loves all of his siblings, but I just don't feel that his sister will be anything special by being a Godmother. In fact, his family often blows-off b-day and holidays and it kills me. I don't think of it as a being 'fair' thing at all. I think of it as 'who will hold this honor closest to their heart'
shamma
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Michelle, the funny thing is no one will ever treat b-days etc like you do and no matter how you feel if that's not who they are it will never change. I think b-days are very important and I treat them as such. I know you would not want to give the honor to a person that will just take it lightly and brush off important dates for your baby, I know this must be so hard for you. I guess we have to accept people as they are and hope they can learn from the examples you set.
dkga1026
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
This is a tough decision, but I absolutely agree with you that your child's GP should be someone who will take the role seriously. My Godmother was my father's sister and was chosen (against my mother's wishes) b/c my father idolized her. Long story short, she was NEVER a part of my life and didn't even come to my wedding. I know I would have preferred someone who wasn't necessarily related, but who loved me nontheless and took the role seriously. I agree with you and plan to choose the same way when it's my time.
NovemberSue
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Whatever you and Scott decide,then the next child can have the Godparent who wasn't picked this time. I think that would be fair to both of you.
ILT1221
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
I agree with a lot of what Shamma said. In the Spanish culture your godparent is basically the person that in the event of your parent's death would take the child and raise them as their own. I would agree that you should choose people you feel close to. You want your child to grow up and be able to invite their godparents to their wedding. That person will be in there life always. Hope this helps.
MarcellaBella
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
I know this all too well.. FH's best friend and his wife (Best Man and one of my BM's) had a child who'll be 1 in 2 weeks... before the baby was born, Best Man told and asked FH to be the baby's godfather b/c he knows that FH would be the best one for it and that he is closer than family and loves him.. Best man only has a sister and his wife only has a brother.. well, throughout her pregancy, we went to dinner all the time, oftentimes, I kept her company through rough nights, the night she goes into labor it's her parents, his parents and his sister, not the brother...brother was never around..
when the time came for the christening, it was never mentioned to FH again.. it was like a secret.. I braced FH adn told him that chances are that if he hasn;t already been mentioned anything about it, chances are that the baby's godparents will be her bro and his sister..
well the christening comes and FH says something to Best man, nothing bad, but that he would totally understand if he weren't the baby's godfather, and that no matter what, they are brothers and he's there for him..
the reason why this was such a big issue was bc best man's wife's parents felt that it was a MUST that the family members be the baby's godparents, not 'friends'
whatever.. all I know is.. that in my culture/family, the role of godparent is very importatn serious and basically, it's someone who you'd want to care for your child in and you know would do so without a blink of an eye, in the even neither or you were here..
Good luck in what you decide Michele, I feel that you should follow your heart and your instinct..
DaniRN
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
I agree with everyone in that it should be someone you know is going to be around forever. My mom had me young and chose her best friend at that time as my godmother. Well, times change and they ended up going there seperate ways and I never met my godmother. It's sad and I don't want my child to grow up not knowing theirs.
StayandJohn
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
When my Mom had my brother she chose her sister (the WORLDS GREATEST AUNT who was only 17 at the time) for his GodMother and my Dad chose his best friend/Best man for the Godfather. My brother hasnt seen his Godfather in 25 years.
When you pick your baby's GP, you have to feel comfortable with your decision, to really know that this person will be there in this childs life.
LisaT
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Michele, I sympathize. I know we're going to have this battle in front of us as well. Al's family is very into measuring things and what's fair. So they would expect one from my side and one from his (thats how his sisters have done it).
Is Scott close with his sister? or is he just picking her to be fair?
For our first, I would probably have my sister and his brother (based on relationships, not politics). But for the second, I would chose my other sister, and then who's the godfather? Maybe our close friend. But that means BOTH my sisters are godmothers and neither of his sisters are (only planning on 2 kids, we'll see). But I think its totally fair since Al was the last of his siblings to be picked as a godparent of his nieces and nephews - there are 4 grandchildren and he's godfather to the 4th (they went in age order and Al's the youngest).
The other thing is, I like couples to be godparents. So I could see picking my sister and her husband (if she has one). Already planning on using the excuse that all his siblings are already godparents to someone and mine aren't yet.
(on a side note to illustrate how they drive me crazy with what they think is being 'fair' - in the back of our wedding programs we had a special note to my grandfather that I was VERY close with. His mother looked at our programs and immediately said there should have been someone from their side mentioned as well! Now keep in mind, my grandmother's had passed away too, and I was close to them, but I had a very special relationship with my grandfather and wanted to have the dedication to him. If we started listing everyone we knew that died, it loses the effect. However, I did ask Al if he wanted to include someone from his side cause I know how his parents think, but he didn't want to. I'm sure his mon is holding that one against me!)
NIHA
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Michele, this sounds like a hard decision, it will works its way out, and there's always the 2nd and 3rd child that you will need to pick godparents for.
When I think of a 'Godparent', I don't think of birthdays and stuff, I think of who will take care of the child if something happens to the parents. I don't understand why people chose a godmother and godfather from different sides, and who are not married, doesn't it make more sense to pick a couple. If something happened to you and Scott, would your brother or his sister, or friend raise the child? Who would you trust the most and who would do the best job replacing you?
I'm not Christian, and I never had godparents (I asked my mom once about this when I was little b/c I realized that all my friends had 'godparents' and she said if anything happened to her or my father that her sister would raise us) so maybe I don't understand, but I thought that was the role of a God parent is? Am I wrong?
michele31
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
God parents are the people who are responsible for the spirtual up bring of a child. It is NOT a legal agreement about custody should anything happen to you and your husband. Scott and I need to have a very long talk about who would raise our child in the event of our joint death. Honestly I am just not sure. My sister is not ready to be a parent at all and I am not a fan of how my brother and his wife run their lives. Scott's family lives in another State so that would be a HUGE impact on our child. In all honestly my best friend is the best mom I know and she and her husband (who I have known since I was 12) have a very good relationship. I agree with the way that she raises her children. But there are a ton of factors to consider for that type of custody.
JennRenee
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
We are in the same boat (sort of). I have 1 sister and 1 brother, Pat has 3 sisters. My brother will be the godfather, and we each want our sister as godmother. It's a HUGE battle, so I can totally sympathize.
NIHA
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Ohhh...now it's more clear to me. It's a different story if it's about the spiritual upbringing. Well, I think you have time to decide so keep talking about your feelings with Scott, and it will become more clear who is the right person. I think someone else said it before, but chosing someone just to be 'fair' so that one person from each side is chosen doesn't seem right either.
Cira
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
LisaT, I wonder if our in-laws are related. I had put something extra special in my programs for my parents since they helped us out so much, boy did Rob give me a fight until he wake up one day and realized. I don't really care what his parents thought!
Michele ... I can't empathize with you yet, but know that one day I will. I know that I'll have this argument when I have a child. I have to agree with you - I think you have the right intentions and only want to do the best for your child. Who cares if it's not a representation of both families ... Scott's sister will always be an aunt. But I can kind of understand how Scott feels, since I know Rob will be the same way. Boy, how frustrating.
Hopefully in time, he will realize. Maybe see how much your BF is into the pregnancy and is anticipating the birth of your child. Rob realized that my parents did do more for our wedding then his and no, we cannot recognize them the same. That's just not right.
I hope you don't worry and stress out to much about this - you have a little munchkin inside of you that needs you to be well.
Good Luck!
jennbaby
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
Michelle, I agree 100% with you wanting your BF.
I feel when it comes time to chose my GP's I want someone who will be there for my child, every holiday, birthday etc. I also want these people to be there in the instance something ever happened to John & I, to care for this baby as if it were their own.
Laura
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Re: Godparents- let the fighting begin (long including a vent)
I feel for you on this one--choosing godparents has always been an 'issue' in my family-- I have 3 older brothers who have 7 girls-- I am the only sister for my oldest (he has 3 girls) and I am not the godmother to any of them My second brother did it the 'fair' way- one from each side-- and my third brother had twins and chose me and DH for one of the girls--leaving out one of my brothers!! so war of course ensued--you have to choose the GP's that are going to make you happy-- I agree that the relationship with the GP's is a special one--my godmother is my oldest cousin(they ran out of aunts and uncles by the time i was born!! 4th child!!) and she threw my bridal shower-- we are very close and i want that for my kids-- so for our first we are going to have DH's brother and my cousin (my godmothers sister) who is like a sister to me-- I dont think the rest of my family will be shocked but I KNOW my mother will say what about your SIL's(since I have 4) well it aint gonna happen-- good luck hun
