Hi Ladies, Im having a little problem, maybe you can help. My brother past away in June very unexpectedly, My family is still in morning. My problem is this, I only have one Grandparent left, my grandmother. I went to see her today and she tells me shes not coming to my wedding. So im taken back and ask why, and she says because my bridal party will be in black. Being the little old italian lady she is, she said woman should never wear black in a bridal party, thats its a death color, And it reminds her of my brothers funeral. I dont see that at all, and it didnt bother my mother when i chose black. My wedding is 3 1/2 months away, my bridal party already bought there dresses. What should i do.
And my 2nd thing is I want to have a memorial candle for my brother at my wedding, I really miss him and wish he was there. It makes me cry everytime i think hes not gonna be there, he promised me a dance at my wedding, while he was on his death bed. It makes me so sad, It hurts so much. Do you think its too much to have a memorial candle at a wedding. Or does anyone have any suggestions on how i can show him that i wish he was there with me and that i send him a formal invitation to heaven.
M&LSept1606
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
I think the candle is a wonderful thing, and I'm doing it for my mom as well. (she passed away three years ago) I'm going to place it on the seating card table, when my guests walk in on the piano. So that everyone will see it.
As for your grandmother, I understand all too well. I'm first generation Italian, my parents are both born and raised in Italy. Wearing black to a wedding is a dreadful thing to them. Black is for funerals and mourning. most people in Italy wear black 24/7 for a whole year after a death in the immediate family.
I agree with the other girls, although she's being pretty stubborn I think you should just change the color and make her happy.
jpsgirl
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
I had black...I wonder if the entire italian side of my family was thinking that! I can't remember the website anymore where I got those dresses.....but my best friend found them on line for $39.99, I kid you not....and they were very elegant dresses. I tell you this because maybe there is some way that you can either change the color of your dresses, or try and sell them back to the store and buy other dresses with your second choice color. I know it seems like a lot to go through....but a little old set in her ways Italian grandmother is not going to change....I think you will remember her disappointment in your wedding (no matter how ridiculous it seems) and the fact that she was not there long long after she's gone, and that you will wish you changed your dress color. Sometimes we have to give in to things for the greater picture, you know? Also, I think the memorial candle is a beautiful idea - our friends had one at there wedding, they found it on line, it actually had a poem about their relative printed right on it, I thought it was an amazing tribute. Good luck to you!
Kim51103
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Sooo sorry....its to bad she wont even talk about it...i know how little old italian ladies are.....and the way they feel about things....maybe u can change her mind...and tell her about the candle and tell her it will be in good spirits remembering him
aidamarie
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Thank you all for your help, I told her today that i would try to change the color if possible or i would have the girls wear white shawls. she still wasnt too happy because i said the word try instead of i will, but i also told her that she can light the candle for my brother if she liked, and that sparked something for her. She still hasnt agreed but she liked the idea of her being able to light the candle and say a prayer reading. Now all i have to do is convince the girls to get new dresses or at least wear white shawls. I will let you all know what happens, If anyone sees any inexpensive dresses maybe in a green color or white shalls let me know. I say green because there Bouquets are papaya peach and im not sure what other color would match that. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Definately need something affordable though, because i think i may have to pay for them all myself. Maybe off the rack might have to do. Thanks again all.
AnniesSS
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Woohoo! Sounds like a step in the right direction for grandma... I'm so glad for you
janwinterbridejoy
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
im glad things seem to going in the right direction. as for the shawls a friend bought some really nice ones on ebay you might want to give it a shot. i think with peach flowers a peach shawl on a black dress would look amazing
SFP0214
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
I did some quick searches on green dresses. I found these all on jcrew or speigel.com. They may not be your taste but check them out. They all were about 89$
I heard that JC Penney has a catalog for bridesmaid dresses that you can order and receive fairly quickly.
marymoon
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Lord and Taylor always has the best collection of shawls IMO, and they go on sale a lot.
Have you tried Jessica McClintock for gowns? they're usually expensive, but when I went it was the end of the season and I got the gown I bought for 1/2 price. I got a beautiful floor length velvet ballgown with rhinestones for $120!
frosty
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
If you decide to get new dresses for your girls, try the major department stores (Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Lord & Taylor). Green is a VERY popular color right now. My MOH and I went shopping for her dress last week. We went to the stores I listed above first, and each of them had TONS of green dresses (unfortunately for us, we were looking for blue). I didn't look at the prices since they weren't the color I wanted.
Good luck.
Marisa M
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
I think the memorial candle or ANY other way YOU want to incorporate your brother's memory into your wedding day is perfect !!! It's going to be about you and your family remembering him, and letting him know you wish he was there in person, not only in spirit. -
As for your Bridesmaid's dresses. - Your grandmother is being absoultely ridiculous. - It is NOT 1935. - And should absolutely NOT have to order and PAY for another set of gowns just to appease her. - There has to be something else behing her not wanting to come.........b/c it the color of the gowns is the only reason, she's going to walk out the door once she gets to the wedding and sees over 1/2 of the female guests wearing black !!!
WedHead
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Banana Republic - on sale for $95. I bet it'll be $75 in a few days.
WedHead
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Sorry, I guess it's too big. It's on the Banana website site - satin bow dress in lawn green.
ssdbk
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Consider contacing Phyllis Limmer at gownfind. She is making us shawls to match our dresses, at a good price. Maybe she has an idea about a material you can use for shawls.
takeoutcook
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss - this must be a very difficult time for you and you are being the bigger person in even considering to change bridesmaid's dresses!
I'm so glad to hear that your grandmother perked up when you mentioned the memorial candle - I'm sure that her anger is more about the loss of your brother, but is being articulated specifically about the dresses.
You might want to look online at chadwicks of boston - they have very reasonably priced dresses.
Good luck!
takeoutcook
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Found these online at Chadwicks - the first one is available in 'blush' and is 49 dollars, the second one is 79 dollars.
I think there's a 20 percent off coupon available online as well!
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I think it is wonderful that you want to honor your brother in this way. Just think of it as celebrating him and what he means to you- that is a joyous thing, and, IMHO, if perfect for you wedding.
As for your Grandma, I say if you can swing the new dresses, get them. Even if your mom convinces her to go, I am sure she won't enjoy herself as much. Combined with the dedications to your brother, changing the color will further add to the spirit of you wedding and help your grandmother and family enjoy it so much more.
Good luck and God Bless!!
aidamarie
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
Posted by takeoutcook
Found these online at Chadwicks - the first one is available in 'blush' and is 49 dollars, the second one is 79 dollars.
I think there's a 20 percent off coupon available online as well!
Thank you for finding the blush dress, i really like it, im gonna show the BP.
gNi1125
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
I am so sorry about your brother.
Glad to hear your grandmother is coming around a little. Having her light the candle and read a prayer is a great way to honor your brother.
I also loooove the blush dress takeoutcook posted. Great price too.!!
More for you.
junebride!
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Re: Grandma Refuses to come to my wedding HELP?
I'm sorry about your grandma...hope she comes sround becasue it would be horrible not to have her there...
i think the candle is a good idea, as is the empty chair...maybe with a boutineere (sp?) on it.
If you decide to get the memorial candle, ExcludivelyWeddings has them...you can get your brother's name put on it and on another posting there wsa a discount code: EML34 is what you have to type in the discount code box.
Good luck.. SOrry you have to go through all htis heartache...
