Guest List: Is this fair?

Belle21 Posted: Nov 04, 2013 05:17 PM

Guest List: Is this fair?

Okay ladies, I need you to either back me up or talk me down here. We're working on finalizing the guest list since we're sending STD's out pretty soon, and my parents started to make me a bit nervous with regard to their lists. FH and I have ours basically set, but my parents have been really wishy washy but seem to have pretty long mental list. We're trying to stay as close to our minimum as possible, so this has me a little worried about cost.

Because of this, I decided to split the guest list into sections of 1/3 each between my parents, FH, and myself. My parents are contributing 1/4 of the cost of the wedding, and the remaining 3/4 is split evenly between FH and I, so I thought 1/3 was more than fair. I figured I would split immediate family down the middle with my parents, and that extended family would be a part of their list since I am not close with them and they are not people that I would be inviting if not for my parents. Then, of course, their friends are their responsibility. Each of us is free to invite any number of people we'd like (within reason) based on how many we expect to accept and decline. If we go a lot above the minimum, if anyone's list is over, the cost is their responsibility. If we don't go over the minimum, I don't care if anyone went over individually.

When I tried to discuss this with my mother, you would have thought I called her up and told her she couldn't invite anyone at all. Really, this actually leaves my parents with control over 1/2 of the guest list, since half of my allotment will go towards immediate family. Poor FH only gets 1/3 for his friends and family combined! Fortunately his family is very small, but still...

I could go on for days, but I'll leave it at that since I've rambled on long enough. What do you think...am I being unreasonable?

StephanieXO Posted: Nov 04, 2013 05:29 PM

Guest List: Is this fair? - Long Island Weddings

I am very confused after reading this, I have to say lol. I think you should have both sides of parents and you and FH make your all inclusive lisst first as a starting point, and then start going through the names and winding down the list based on relationships and other dynamics at that point.

katielynn Posted: Nov 04, 2013 06:37 PM

Re: Guest List: Is this fair?

Posted by StephanieXO

I am very confused after reading this, I have to say lol. I think you should have both sides of parents and you and FH make your all inclusive lisst first as a starting point, and then start going through the names and winding down the list based on relationships and other dynamics at that point.

This.

All the fractions confused me.

What FH and I did (and we're paying like... 98% of this wedding ourselves)was this:

We made our own guest list of our friends and our family and who WE WANT.

Then we told both of our parents 'here is OUR list. would you like to add anyone? anyone that YOU want there who is not on OUR list... you are responsible for paying for'

Also.. what is your minimum? you don't want to stay TOOOOO close because you don't know how many are gonna decline.

MsA2MrsA Posted: Nov 04, 2013 07:48 PM

Guest List: Is this fair?

It sounds fair. My parents are paying for the entire reception (and other little things) so we are letting them invite whoever they want. They only wanted to invite 3-4 couple friends of theirs on top of the family, so it wasn't an issue. But again, they are paying so my fiancé was like frankly they can invite whoever they want

cets1290 Posted: Nov 04, 2013 09:09 PM

Guest List: Is this fair? - Long Island Weddings

It makes alot of sense to me and doesn't seem confusing at all.. I agree that they can invite however many they want, as long as they are willing to pay for any additional guests above their 1/3... Your mom probably isn't even considering the fact that even if she invited everyone she wants, that there is a good chance that she will probably still be close to her 1/3 anyway because so many extended family will probably decline (at least I know my ext. family will mostly decline as I don't really know them too well)... I am sure it'll all work out!

Star625 Posted: Nov 04, 2013 09:51 PM

Guest List: Is this fair? - Long Island Weddings

Makes absolute sense to me and sounds reasonable.

cconaty94 Posted: Nov 04, 2013 10:43 PM

Guest List: Is this fair? - Long Island Weddings

I think it makes sense, but since it seems to have upset your mom may need some rethinking. I definitely agree with katielynn's method. That is basically what we told our parents. FH moms was a little more concerned with numbers and each side being equal, but she is not paying so we stuck with our plan of invite who we would like to be there and the parents added people they would like to be there but we didnt think of.

meejack1110 Posted: Nov 05, 2013 08:36 AM

Guest List: Is this fair? - Long Island Weddings

The split of the list makes sense to me although I can see how it could be confusing. I think the best might be to sit with your parents and show them what your talking about. This way they can see who is on your list and approx how many they can have on their list. Once they see it they may realize its actually very fair. Either way good luck! lol

MsErikaLynn Posted: Dec 02, 2013 10:12 PM

Re: Guest List: Is this fair?

Posted by StephanieXO

I am very confused after reading this, I have to say lol. I think you should have both sides of parents and you and FH make your all inclusive lisst first as a starting point, and then start going through the names and winding down the list based on relationships and other dynamics at that point.

this!