Guest List Issues

Guest List Issues

So even though it is insanely early we have put together a first draft of our guest list...and our parents have also. My parents are only inviting people that I know and that have been a part of my life. Even so that list is like 80 people...(my parents are very social and I know a lot of their friends)...was speaking to FMIL last night about her list and she said that she had a lot of weddings she had been invited to that now she had to reciprocate. Her list isn't HUGE but it's growing exponentially. I don't want it to be half of people FH and I know and the other half people his parents know. Our wedding isn't a time for an invitation payback. I feel that if FMIL has invitations to reciprocate she should do so on her dime, not my parent's and ours. Throw us an engagement party if you want a reason for the party! How do I deal with this tactfully? I haven't said anything to FH because his mother drives him crazy and I fear this will start yet another argrument.

Re: Guest List Issues

we had the same problem.. his mom wanted to invite people he hasn't seen since his bar mitzvah, friends of his grandmothers, etc... we just said no, if we haven't seen them in the last couple of years then they aren't invited. As it is their side is taking up most of the guest list.... we told them we'd put them on a B list and if we had room or were falling below minimum that THEN we could invite them!

Re: Guest List Issues

Meghan..... we are going through the SAME exact thing. My parents are social butterflys. They gave us some $ towards the wedding but not a lot relativiely speaking. What we did was tell my parents we just CANNOT afford these people to be invited and if they have to be invited then we need more $$ or they (my parents) have to cover expenses somewhere else (such as favors etc). It's not fun but we had to do it!

Re: Guest List Issues

i told my parents point-blank - if i couldn't pick these people out of a lineup, they weren't being invited. i see no need to invite people who i don't know or who don't know me - that is what a family reunion, not my wedding, is for. the whole point of a wedding is having people there to share in your and FI's big day. if you don't know them, how can they enjoy it????

Re: Guest List Issues

Re: Guest List Issues

Boy...do I understand. I went through this same exact thing! My FH parents wanted to invite everybody. People from weddings they attended and family that they have neither seen or spoken to in years. It was a major issue. Their intial list had close to 150 people! We finally spoke to them and they cut the list down. This is what we basically said...

We want our wedding to be intimate. We understand that there are alot of people that they would love to invite. We know that this is a huge deal for them...their son ins getting married! But please keep in mind that there are other people (my FI, me, my parents), who have lists as well. So in light of that we are asking them to cut down their list. It worked, there were no ill feelings...they cut down their list.

Re: Guest List Issues

littlecat - luckily the issue was just with my side. don't think i would have had the guts to say that to FI's family!!

Re: Guest List Issues

Meghan, I feel the same way you do. Since my parents are helping out with the costs a lot, I can't say no to them. The majority of people they want to invite are people I've never met (friends and family). I feel like I will be a stranger at my own wedding.

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Re: Guest List Issues