Had an issue re: one of Debi's friends wanting to bring her baby to Debi's shower

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Posted by jeanne08

it's ok Mary. If you had told her it was ok to bring the baby then everyone else would be upset with you b/c they couldn't bring their kids.

I love the phrasing 'wearing her baby'!

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I'm thinking wearing the baby might be dangerous, what with each gal having a hot tea pot at her place setting. Mary MOB

Mary - to be honest- my nephew is 10months old and the only way my SIL had any fun or enjoyed my shower was when Angel was with someone else- and he was just passed around....and then when her mom came - her mom had him and then couldnt eat or anything, bc he was all over...

Something to consider.

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Posted by jessnstu08

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by jessnstu08

that is kind of rude of that girl , after you told her nicely no babies and explained the space issues. what about her husband , why can' t he watch his child for a few hours , jeez..

I don't understand people....

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Hi, Jessica!!!!! Well, they live on a farm, and this gal already told Debi, they can't come to the wedding, because her DH can't leave the farm. I don't know their family situation, as far as people to babysit. Thanks!!! Mary MOB

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Hi Mary,

DH can't leave the farm? I guess i don't understand farm life

Do you think debi will be ok with it? If it was my friend and there was no choice but to have the baby there, I would rather have my friend come with the baby then not come at all

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Well, I know Debi opted for an adults only reception. I don't think this is a best friend. One best friend has four children, and none of them were asked by her to be invited, so I'm thinking some Moms understand? I'm hoping Debi will be ok with it. Mary MOB

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Posted by debismom
Well, I know Debi opted for an adults only reception. I don't think this is a best friend. One best friend has four children, and none of them were asked by her to be invited, so I'm thinking some Moms understand? I'm hoping Debi will be ok with it. Mary MOB

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So, the way I see it, you're not being mean . . . you're just honoring the B2Bs wishes!

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Posted by Sharron70

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Posted by debismom
Well, I know Debi opted for an adults only reception. I don't think this is a best friend. One best friend has four children, and none of them were asked by her to be invited, so I'm thinking some Moms understand? I'm hoping Debi will be ok with it. Mary MOB

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So, the way I see it, you're not being mean . . . you're just honoring the B2Bs wishes!

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Exactly Mary - you are doing whats in the best interests for deb - you do not want to go against her wishes - its trouble for you then!!!

But seriously now - you are doing the right thing! And in the end Deb will be so greatful for that

Group Hug For Mary!

Oh boy, that's odd! Especially since she said she'd be able to find someone to babysit I guess she was just saying that not expecting to have to do that...You didn't do anything wrong, i'm sure you were really nice about it like you always are!

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Posted by WinterBride08

Oh boy, that's odd! Especially since she said she'd be able to find someone to babysit I guess she was just saying that not expecting to have to do that...You didn't do anything wrong, i'm sure you were really nice about it like you always are!

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exactly - i think she was under the impression that you would say nono dont go out of your way - baby is ok....

my brother does that one ALLL the time!

Hi Mary:
I agree with what Debi wants but I can see both sides. As a new mom, you want to celebrate and join in the festivities but at the same time you don't want to leave your baby with just anybody. Even if you trust your sitter 200% you still have to pay for that service, get a gift, maybe buy yourself an outfit, get the baby ready, drop the baby off and get yourself to the event. Then often you have to leave just when things are getting good because the sitter is expecting you at the certain time. Or the baby is crying and you feel guilty. So it's often easier to just take the baby with you. Also many people feel defensive when, in essence, you tell them that their child isn't wanted at the event.

I know I'm in the minority here but I think children are okay at weddings and showers as long as they are reasonably well-behaved. Any screaming child needs to be immediately removed.
But I also feel that a request for an adult reception or shower must be respected.
I hope things work themselves out. :)

Sorry, guys, I had to eat supper. I really appreciate all your input, and it does make me feel better!! Thanks everyone!!!!!!! Mary MOB

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Posted by jessnstu08

that is kind of rude of that girl , after you told her nicely no babies and explained the space issues. what about her husband , why can' t he watch his child for a few hours , jeez..

I don't understand people....

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not everyone has a husband or a husband who wants to be bothered. There are a lot of women out there that are practically single moms -- but they're married

Im with ya Mary! The invite was sent to her, not her and her son. Sorry ladies, dont want to start a war, but I dont see why its such a big deal? She said she would be able to find a sitter then took it back. if you say yes to her and no to the next person that asks, that can cause bigger problems. Maybe she will lighten up and come alone.

good luck!

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Hi Mary:
I agree with what Debi wants but I can see both sides. As a new mom, you want to celebrate and join in the festivities but at the same time you don't want to leave your baby with just anybody. Even if you trust your sitter 200% you still have to pay for that service, get a gift, maybe buy yourself an outfit, get the baby ready, drop the baby off and get yourself to the event. Then often you have to leave just when things are getting good because the sitter is expecting you at the certain time. Or the baby is crying and you feel guilty. So it's often easier to just take the baby with you. Also many people feel defensive when, in essence, you tell them that their child isn't wanted at the event.

I know I'm in the minority here but I think children are okay at weddings and showers as long as they are reasonably well-behaved. Any screaming child needs to be immediately removed.
But I also feel that a request for an adult reception or shower must be respected.
I hope things work themselves out. :)

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I understand what you're saying, Corina. I appreciate your input!! Mary MOB

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Posted by SugaBeans

Im with ya Mary! The invite was sent to her, not her and her son. Sorry ladies, dont want to start a war, but I dont see why its such a big deal? She said she would be able to find a sitter then took it back. if you say yes to her and no to the next person that asks, that can cause bigger problems. Maybe she will lighten up and come alone.

good luck!

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Marissa, sadly, it's true, if I allowed one Mom to bring a baby, I risk offending other young Moms, who have children. I believe there would be 13 children involved, and we know the room only holds 20, and we have 28 people, including Deb and me who have to fit into a 20 person space. I love to accommodate everyone, but it seems impossible. While I understand the demands of being a Mom, and all they would have to go through to attend the shower and wedding, we still wanted to invite them, even though they might not be able to come because of the things that Corina mentioned, but if we had not invited them, then we risk hurting their feelings. Very delicate situation. Mary MOB

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by jessnstu08

that is kind of rude of that girl , after you told her nicely no babies and explained the space issues. what about her husband , why can' t he watch his child for a few hours , jeez..

I don't understand people....

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not everyone has a husband or a husband who wants to be bothered. There are a lot of women out there that are practically single moms -- but they're married

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a husband that doesnt want to be bothered with their own CHILD ??? they should be ashamed of themselves and help their wives out !

*** edit- single moms def have it hard and i am not knocking them at all with my comment. I just find it unacceptable that some men do not play an active roll in their childrens lives , married or not

Aw, it wasn't nice of her though to put you in that position and just assume you were going to tell her yes. You said she told you to let her know if it was not all right, didn't she? I sympathize with her situation, but then to be so rude to you when she didn't get the answer she wanted. She could've just said she understood, but was sorry she wouldn't be able to make it then. Sorry you had to deal with that.

Sorry Mary you have to deal with this.
Although I would respect your situation and leave the baby at home., I would probably still be offended. I cant explain why but I would be.

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by KK Holiday

oh no mary! that stinks that you had to deal with that. i cant believe that woman was being so pushy! you handled it very well though!

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Thank you, for your vote of confidence, Kathryn!! Well, reading posts on here should have prepared me. It never feels good to disappoint someone. Mary MOB

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KK is right. and you did handle it very well I'm sorry that her 1st message indicated one thing and then she acted another way. I'm sure Debi will know how to handle the situation

KK- I go by Kathy but my name is Kathryn...spelled just like you!

Thanks ladies!!!!! Mary MOB

Sounds like she didnt expect you to say no!!

Are you too nice Mary!?!?!?! LOL
Glad that you put your foot down! I do NOT want kids at my shower!