Had to post under a different name - need your help

I'm a regular poster on the 08 board but I dont want to post under my real name.
This breaks my heart,
my sister and I had to tell my dad yesterday that we suspect my little 19 year old sister of a serious drug problem. I just feel like crying because this is the first time in our family that anyone has had a drug problem. I know this is breaking my parents heart, my sister and I think that they suspected it but I think they were in denial but the fact that we came straight out and said HEY YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEND HER FOR A DRUG TEST - they know they have to face the music.
My sister failed out of Boston University of her freshman year, my dad spent close to 40k paying for her year of a good time. She's daddy's little girl.
Anyway - they sent her for a drug test today - I saw her and I know she's flipping out - I don't know if there is anything you can drink or take to fool a drug test (coke) but I think if there is anything - she'd probably take it.
Ahhhhhh this is giving me knots in my stomache because if and when the test comes back positive - what then ---???? what do you do with a 19 year old? you lock her in the house? you send her off to rehab? what do you do???????
I know this is what my parents fear the most, what will they do next? I understand if you dont want to post here, but any advice (through FM) anyone could give me, my family & I would really appreciate it.
I know that the first thing is, she needs to want to stop. what to do?

i think the most important thing is getting her help. but even more importantly is to make her not feel attacked, that would make her more likely to rebel or whatnot. what you're doing is for her own good and she will appreciate that in the long run


for your family

this is truly a difficult thing to have to deal with & i'm sorry you have to.

Addiction is not a fun thing for anyone involved, but one thing I have learned (not with drugs, but alcohol in my family) is that you have to hit bottom before you're going to be ready to change.

There are the stories of people who clean up for the sake of others around them, but most have to see just how bad it can get before they want to change.

I sincerely hope for your & your families' sake, she'll change for you...but you may need to start preparing yourself that she may not be ready for help...

thanks
I know we cant attack her
but see the thing is she's such a good talker and anytime we've talked to her in past she always has some great story.
its sickening

I am so sorry you and your family are going thru all this right now
Getting her help of any kind will be positive, be it a family intervention, rehab, counseling I'm sure it will help her.

Lots of prayers for all of you! Keep us posted

nothing can be drunk, or eated to take coke out of ur system.. it lasts in your body for about 3-4 days ... by the 3rd days after use you will still produce a positive urine.

it is VERY common for parents to ignor the problem...think that it will cure itself... however you and your sister are doing the RIGHT thing and nabbing it now...

positive or NOT... something IS going on in your little sisters life that may need to be addressed.

IF she is using.. coke.. anything.. and the test is positive.. then the family needs a sit down...

sort this out with your family first... see waht you CAN do.. and what you ALL are willing to do.

you can send her to a day treatment, outpatient evening rehab... detox/90 day inpatient rehab residental center...

FM me if you have more specific questions...
i specialized in Substance Abuse for my master.. adn recently worked in an outpatient rehab this past year...

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Posted by davenjess

this is truly a difficult thing to have to deal with & i'm sorry you have to.

Addiction is not a fun thing for anyone involved, but one thing I have learned (not with drugs, but alcohol in my family) is that you have to hit bottom before you're going to be ready to change.

There are the stories of people who clean up for the sake of others around them, but most have to see just how bad it can get before they want to change.

I sincerely hope for your & your families' sake, she'll change for you...but you may need to start preparing yourself that she may not be ready for help...

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I think you said this perfectly Jess.

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Posted by needurhelp

thanks
I know we cant attack her
but see the thing is she's such a good talker and anytime we've talked to her in past she always has some great story.
its sickening

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they always will & always do.

It may be worthwhile to look into 'interventionalists'...so that the person who does the actual work is NOT YOU...so that she won't resent you in the long run for it...

you put her in a rehab and you stop enabling her to get high by financially supporting her and her habit. It is a form of tough love and hard to do with a family member , but it must be done. I don't know what kind of drugs she is doing, but she has the potential to end up getting arrested , or even worse... I that she gets the help she needs and is able to stop using drugs. Your family needs to be strong and have a zero tolerance policy , either rehab or nothing .

I know that my mom's friend dealt with this - a daughter who had a problem - I can ask how she handled it.

I am sooooo sorry you are dealing with this - it must be terrible to see your sister this way.

this happened to a very close friend of mine. he had a serious drug problem (heroine).

you need to stand by your sister and help her through this. my friend failed at rehab twice and the only thing that got him on the right track was the love and support of his family.

he was close to your sisters age when this happened. do you know how she got a hold of these drugs? her friends? people from school? it might be best to pull her from school and have her home tutored while she is in the recovery process.

if you need to talk or more info please FM me good luck!

My heart goes out to you and your family. This is something that is hard to face. I think if the test comes out positive, be there to offer all the help she's going to need and will hopefully accept....but as Jess said she may not be ready to accept that help and you have to be prepared for that also. Addiction is so hard for everyone involved.

Now if the test is negetive have you and your family considered that she might be bipolar or schizophrenic(sp?)?? I've known some cases, including my FSIL's, where once they turned 19/20 they started behaving erractically and eventually were diagnosed with either/or, in FSIL's case it was paranoid schizophrenia.

I will keep your sister and your family in my prayers

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Posted by davenjess

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Posted by needurhelp

thanks
I know we cant attack her
but see the thing is she's such a good talker and anytime we've talked to her in past she always has some great story.
its sickening

---

they always will & always do.

It may be worthwhile to look into 'interventionalists'...so that the person who does the actual work is NOT YOU...so that she won't resent you in the long run for it...

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I know - I guess we will see what happens after the DT -
You always think ---- oh it will never happen to you - you know? I mean my parents raised us all the same. I never ever would have touched that crap.

it's never an easy thing to deal with...i hope things turn out for the better.

hopefully its just part of a phase she was going through and this will be a step in the right direction! she might have just lost sight of reality.

each situation is probably different and depends on the person but she might have to realize for herself that this is hurtful to her and to the family before the problem gets fixed...cuz even if she gets sent away or locked up in the house...a person can still find a way if they are stuck in an addiction...until theyre ready to accept it and change for themselves. but at least its out there and something can be done rather than just avoiding the issue.

but good luck....just make sure ure there for her and she knows she can still count on you regardless.

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Posted by bluekat16

My heart goes out to you and your family. This is something that is hard to face. I think if the test comes out positive, be there to offer all the help she's going to need and will hopefully accept....but as Jess said she may not be ready to accept that help and you have to be prepared for that also. Addiction is so hard for everyone involved.

Now if the test is negetive have you and your family considered that she might be bipolar or schizophrenic(sp?)?? I've known some cases, including my FSIL's, where once they turned 19/20 they started behaving erractically and eventually were diagnosed with either/or, in FSIL's case it was paranoid schizophrenia.

I will keep your sister and your family in my prayers

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omg i didnt even think about schizophrenia. or anything. She did talk about panic attacks in school and all that but we thought it was BS because she was partying and failing in school.

i am soooo sorry

unfortunately the sad reality is that young kids doing drugs is very common now. I remember from years ago and even now, almost everyone around me was into drugs and MANY were heavy into it.

Just like so many out there, your sister is a good person who just got into the wrong thing.

My DH was a good kid all through HS...didnt go partying, didnt do drugs, was very shy and very innocent, unlike other 17-18 year olds his age.

He went away to college and came out of his shell. Because of health problems at that time he was not able to drink, which was hard being 18 away at college and not drinking. He got into the party scene and even somebody who never drank, and always did the right thing, ended up getting into that scene. He did get help many years ago, spoke to a counselor and got his life back on track. You should be proud that you said something to your parents and are getting the help for your sister now. She is 19 years old, so she is still young and this addiction hasn't ruined her life yet. Let her be mad now but down the road she will thank you.

I think for everyone its different, for some its a fast process and for others its a slow process but just can't give up. Have her talk to counselors and see why she got into it, sadly many do it just bc they are out and others are doing it but maybe there is something she needs to deal with but uses drugs to escape it. If you have to take her to rehab then do that. Contact drug counselors in your area, call them and speak to them and ask them what your next step should be. I am sure that they will be more than happy to help you. They will give you the advice you need right now.

I am so sorry about your situation, and although everyone probably wants to be angry with her, this is probably when she needs her family the most. Don't let her turn to her friends now, stay on top of her and get her the help she needs.

like i mentioned.. she may not have a 'drug' problem but may be usign the drug to mask symptoms of OTHER things that are trubling her..

its easier to get drugs then it is to see a doctor and go through a series of test.. its immidiate gratification of what is trubling her...

liek i said.. it may be something ELSE goign on that you need to get to the guts of...

anything done for 21 days becomes habit...

its best to break the cycle NOW.

Best of luck to you all.

Ohh, I'm sorry you're going through this. It definitely it such a difficult and heartbreaking thing to deal with.

Do you have any idea how long she may have this problem? Hopefully she is not that deep and can be treated. Rehab may be a start. You and your family will have to try and form a united front and be strong together. If she knows everyone's weak spot or who the softest of you are, she more than likely will try to manipulate the situation or individual to get what she wants.

I don't know your religious background, but the only other advice I can give you is to pray. Pray for the strength all of you are going to need to deal with this. And pray for her recovery.

Good luck!

ETA: Very good point about her taking the drugs due to underlying issues. You mention the panic attacks...maybe there is something more to that. Maybe this is an issue for her, where she can be helped. I agree with those who said she will need the support of her family. Even though you will need to be firm, reassure her of your love, as well.