Had to post under a different name - need your help

Original post by needurhelp

Jun 16, 2008 02:45 PM

I'm a regular poster on the 08 board but I dont want to post under my real name.
This breaks my heart,
my sister and I had to tell my dad yesterday that we suspect my little 19 year old sister of a serious drug problem. I just feel like crying because this is the first time in our family that anyone has had a drug problem. I know this is breaking my parents heart, my sister and I think that they suspected it but I think they were in denial but the fact that we came straight out and said HEY YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEND HER FOR A DRUG TEST - they know they have to face the music.
My sister failed out of Boston University of her freshman year, my dad spent close to 40k paying for her year of a good time. She's daddy's little girl.
Anyway - they sent her for a drug test today - I saw her and I know she's flipping out - I don't know if there is anything you can drink or take to fool a drug test (coke) but I think if there is anything - she'd probably take it.
Ahhhhhh this is giving me knots in my stomache because if and when the test comes back positive - what then ---???? what do you do with a 19 year old? you lock her in the house? you send her off to rehab? what do you do???????
I know this is what my parents fear the most, what will they do next? I understand if you dont want to post here, but any advice (through FM) anyone could give me, my family & I would really appreciate it.
I know that the first thing is, she needs to want to stop. what to do?

bluekat16 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:01 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

sorry got site error and it duplicate posted.

Collweenie21 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:03 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

I am so sorry you have to go through something like this. But I do feel you did the right thing by telling your parents what you suspect, and I hope everything works out in your favor.

Espo22 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:04 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by bluekat16

My heart goes out to you and your family. This is something that is hard to face. I think if the test comes out positive, be there to offer all the help she's going to need and will hopefully accept....but as Jess said she may not be ready to accept that help and you have to be prepared for that also. Addiction is so hard for everyone involved.

Now if the test is negetive have you and your family considered that she might be bipolar or schizophrenic(sp?)?? I've known some cases, including my FSIL's, where once they turned 19/20 they started behaving erractically and eventually were diagnosed with either/or, in FSIL's case it was paranoid schizophrenia.

I will keep your sister and your family in my prayers

wow very good point. Thats what happened with my DH...he was diagnosed from when he was 13 being manic depressive so they knew this before all his problems started. But it is true, when they are around that age, it is easily to get into these things. Many people dont understand what it truly means, they think its split personalities which is but not that you think you're two different people, which ive heard. You go from either very high to very low. When you are manic, you feel you are the best thing in the world, you are always happy, and part of it is also being addicted to things and this is one of the biggest problems. Whether its gambling, drugs, sex, spending money they have to find something. They go from one extreme to another, one day you are on top of the world then the next you are down and depressed. Manic sounds like its a good thing bc a person is confident, happy and upbeat. But they also think they are invincible, and once they get into something they get into deep.

This might not be the case, only you can know her behavioral patterns. She definitely needs to sit down and talk to a professional no matter what, and then you will get all the answers you need

if she is having panic attacks then its definitely a possibility

Valerie-Joe Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:04 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

You guys are doing the right thing.

Since she is over 18, your parents can't force her into rehab without getting the police involved. Unless there is something I don't know - we have had issues with a family member too. So you and your family are going to have to convince her to check in voluntarily. She is so young and can overcome this.

There are also people that you can call who do interventions. They kind of moderate - for lack of a better word. You could probably call a local AA and get some names.

Also, if you can get her into therapy - it might take a few tries to find someone she trusts - they will help immensely for the long term to deal with the reason for the drug use.

We're here to support you - which you will need too.

Lil83108 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:08 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

all of you should sit her down and talk to her about how you feel and how you think she will mess up her life. Send her to rehab too! She needs to stop this before it gets worse HTH

needurhelp Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:11 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

The softest spot : OUR DAD
Ahhh I know it broke his heart - it was fathers day and she went to BU to 'supposedly'sign herself out of school but when she called him he said that she sounded like she was partying.
so we couldnt look at him anymore and told him,
reallllly s|u|c|k|s that it was fathers day.

My sister & I talked and we definetely think she is 'lost' - I just cant believe this - I know a lot of the times she goes on to say: well you guys dont understand because im the youngest and you guys always did everything together (we are 13 months apart) but come on - you cant go into drugs just because there is a 5 yr difference between us.

As far as when we think this started.....
Well first we noticed last summer that she drank - but not like drinking beer or wine coolers - like we did when we were her age - shots, vodka -
so we spoke to my parents last year and told them not to send her to Boston, and a month before they let her go anyway. She has a way of manipulating my dad, so who knows what she did in Boston but as far as I'm concerned she finished a really prestigious private school in the city with a good GPA and got into BU - so for her to come out and say that BU was soooo hard that she couldnt handle it is a load of BS> JMO < so now she thinks my dad will pay for another school here - I told him yesterday - if she wants to go to school - let her take out loans, you already blew so much money - too bad for her - its just so much, and my sister called me today and found out that the 19 yr old went to the doctor last week and has an ulcer in her stomache.
Ahhh jeezzz.

Thank you all for your support

needurhelp Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:14 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

bluekat16 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:21 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

i guess it triple postd...sorry!

xXxNovember08xXx Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:23 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

bluekat... u are really persistant.

needurhelp Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:24 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

now my DH wont talk to me bc i was mad and hung up the phone on him because he claims that my middle sisters bf is involved & maybe gives the 19yr old drugs.

can someone literallly just give me a break

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:24 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Please get her help. A year and a half ago we lost my cousin to drugs. He was 19 also. His parents and family knew he had a problem, and they tried to help him..but he resisted and they gave in. He promised he'd stop and said that he wanted to stop. He overdosed in his sleep one night. It was the saddest thing I've personally ever gone through. He was so talented..wrote music, sang, played guitar, an artist. I remember him just being such a bright happy kid and then something happened..and he couldn't get away from it. He started with drinking and it was the hard stuff too..and everyone was embarrased that he was always drunk at 17 years old..and no one dealt with the problem. Then he graduated to the drugs, pills and coke and heroin. The week he died..he'd gotten a tattoo on his arm to hide the needle marks. His dad regrets it every single day that he didn't do more to help him. He says 'I was never good at tough love, he was my son and I didn't know what to do and now he's gone' He wishes he would have been tougher and confronted the problem.

I don't want to upset you, but I've seen what his family went through. We were affected by it and it just is senseless. Such a beautiful life is gone. Oh, I'm tearing up now..

Please convince your parents to get her the help she needs.

bluekat16 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:25 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by xXxNovember08xXx

bluekat... u are really persistant.

It's the site or computer one or the other..i get an error message and then it duplicates my post

xXxNovember08xXx Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:25 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by bluekat16

Posted by xXxNovember08xXx

bluekat... u are really persistant.

It's the site or computer one or the other..i get an error message and then it duplicates my post

ha ha... bc i was liek umm ok i JUST read that 4 times already!!!

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:26 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

so sorry i hope everything works out for the best....you did teh right thing telling your parents ....she needs teh help and stick together for her

needurhelp Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:27 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

Please get her help. A year and a half ago we lost my cousin to drugs. He was 19 also. His parents and family knew he had a problem, and they tried to help him..but he resisted and they gave in. He promised he'd stop and said that he wanted to stop. He overdosed in his sleep one night. It was the saddest thing I've personally ever gone through. He was so talented..wrote music, sang, played guitar, an artist. I remember him just being such a bright happy kid and then something happened..and he couldn't get away from it. He started with drinking and it was the hard stuff too..and everyone was embarrased that he was always drunk at 17 years old..and no one dealt with the problem. Then he graduated to the drugs, pills and coke and heroin. The week he died..he'd gotten a tattoo on his arm to hide the needle marks. His dad regrets it every single day that he didn't do more to help him. He says 'I was never good at tough love, he was my son and I didn't know what to do and now he's gone' He wishes he would have been tougher and confronted the problem.

I don't want to upset you, but I've seen what his family went through. We were affected by it and it just is senseless. Such a beautiful life is gone. Oh, I'm tearing up now..

Please convince your parents to get her the help she needs.

omg my <3

i know she got so drunk at my shower and my wedding. its so embarassing.

Gigi08 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:29 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

Please get her help. A year and a half ago we lost my cousin to drugs. He was 19 also. His parents and family knew he had a problem, and they tried to help him..but he resisted and they gave in. He promised he'd stop and said that he wanted to stop. He overdosed in his sleep one night. It was the saddest thing I've personally ever gone through. He was so talented..wrote music, sang, played guitar, an artist. I remember him just being such a bright happy kid and then something happened..and he couldn't get away from it. He started with drinking and it was the hard stuff too..and everyone was embarrased that he was always drunk at 17 years old..and no one dealt with the problem. Then he graduated to the drugs, pills and coke and heroin. The week he died..he'd gotten a tattoo on his arm to hide the needle marks. His dad regrets it every single day that he didn't do more to help him. He says 'I was never good at tough love, he was my son and I didn't know what to do and now he's gone' He wishes he would have been tougher and confronted the problem.

I don't want to upset you, but I've seen what his family went through. We were affected by it and it just is senseless. Such a beautiful life is gone. Oh, I'm tearing up now..

Please convince your parents to get her the help she needs.

OMG, that makes me want to cry...that is so hearbreaking. By any chance, was there an article in the NY Times about him?

Gigi08 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:30 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Hopefully she's not far gone then and you can get her the help she needs. Aww, your poor father.

ETA: Ohh, I hope that's not true about your other sister's BF. If he has good reason to really believe that, maybe it needs to be brought to her attention and he needs to be confronted. That just adds to everything.

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:31 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by Gigi08

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

Please get her help. A year and a half ago we lost my cousin to drugs. He was 19 also. His parents and family knew he had a problem, and they tried to help him..but he resisted and they gave in. He promised he'd stop and said that he wanted to stop. He overdosed in his sleep one night. It was the saddest thing I've personally ever gone through. He was so talented..wrote music, sang, played guitar, an artist. I remember him just being such a bright happy kid and then something happened..and he couldn't get away from it. He started with drinking and it was the hard stuff too..and everyone was embarrased that he was always drunk at 17 years old..and no one dealt with the problem. Then he graduated to the drugs, pills and coke and heroin. The week he died..he'd gotten a tattoo on his arm to hide the needle marks. His dad regrets it every single day that he didn't do more to help him. He says 'I was never good at tough love, he was my son and I didn't know what to do and now he's gone' He wishes he would have been tougher and confronted the problem.

I don't want to upset you, but I've seen what his family went through. We were affected by it and it just is senseless. Such a beautiful life is gone. Oh, I'm tearing up now..

Please convince your parents to get her the help she needs.

OMG, that makes me want to cry...that is so hearbreaking. By any chance, was there an article in the NY Times about him?

No, he actually lived in PA with his parents.

jessnstu08 Posted: Jun 16, 2008 03:32 PM

Re: Had to post under a different name - need your help

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

Please get her help. A year and a half ago we lost my cousin to drugs. He was 19 also. His parents and family knew he had a problem, and they tried to help him..but he resisted and they gave in. He promised he'd stop and said that he wanted to stop. He overdosed in his sleep one night. It was the saddest thing I've personally ever gone through. He was so talented..wrote music, sang, played guitar, an artist. I remember him just being such a bright happy kid and then something happened..and he couldn't get away from it. He started with drinking and it was the hard stuff too..and everyone was embarrased that he was always drunk at 17 years old..and no one dealt with the problem. Then he graduated to the drugs, pills and coke and heroin. The week he died..he'd gotten a tattoo on his arm to hide the needle marks. His dad regrets it every single day that he didn't do more to help him. He says 'I was never good at tough love, he was my son and I didn't know what to do and now he's gone' He wishes he would have been tougher and confronted the problem.

I don't want to upset you, but I've seen what his family went through. We were affected by it and it just is senseless. Such a beautiful life is gone. Oh, I'm tearing up now..

Please convince your parents to get her the help she needs.

ITA
I too lost a dear friend to drugs , I saw his family take him of life support because he was in a coma and brain dead from drugs . it was one of the worst things to ever go though , but addiction is that serious .