Hard position to be in....

Hard position to be in....

I know I have a year until my wedding...but already the subject has come up dealing with invites, and about my fathers new wife. Most people would say she definitely should be there....but long story short, my father caused a lot of hurt in my family, the brunt of it going to my mother. And while my mother wants me to have the best day possible and won't say a word either way, I KNOW my father expects an invite for him and his wife. Just some background...my mom has never met this woman, never cares to...and my 5 siblings and I can't stand her, but love our mother to death. Of course my dad will be at my wedding. And he is helping with some costs. Any advice on how to approach this? Do I tell him that I'd rather him attend alone, as my mom will be doing? (She didn't remarry and isn't dating). This is so confusing. I don't want to hurt anyone :( Anyone else going through something similar? Thanks girls...

Re: Hard position to be in....

my honest opinion would be that you should invite your dads wife. EVEN THOUGH, i totally understand that she isnt your fave person, but out of respect to your dad, i think you should. that may really hurt his feelings- HOWEVER.. i would definetly sit your mom far far away from them. just to not make her feel uncomfortable.

jennifer

Re: Hard position to be in....

This depends on the situation. In most cases I would say bite your tongue and send out an invite to Dad and his wife..now on the other hand. One acquaintance I know had the issue of Dad cheating on mom and his new GF/wife?? was the cause of the break up..so only dad got an invite...its all situational.

Re: Hard position to be in....

I kinda agree with jennifer.
However, if it were me in your shoes, i'd probably have a talk with my dad. It's not like it isn't obvious to him that you and your siblings have no relationship with his new wife. You could ask him to think about how it might make you feel, but that you would grant him bringing her, out of respect for him.

So sorry you have to suffer about this issue.

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I can only say that unfortunately the correct thing to do is invite both. You may risk the chance of him having to make a choice of either attending the wedding with her or not al all. You may ultimaltey be the one forced to make the choice. And additionally if he is contributing financially. Or do not accept money from him. However, it is a year away, and who know what changes can come from this. Are you planning an engagement party? Maybe have an immediate family only dinner, to break the ice between your parents and the new wife?

Re: Hard position to be in....

I agree with Chichila. I think you should try talking to him.

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its difficult... i would say to invite the wife, and just place them on the opposite side of the room... but to actually be in that position is another story.... perhaps you can talk to you dad, mention your concerns and ask what he thinks about the whole situation....at least get his opinion before you make your final decision...

Re: Hard position to be in....

Wow, this is a really hard position to be in is right!!! I guess I am not in the majority with this one. I could be totally off but if your father cheated w/ this woman ( causing the hurt to your mother), and then married her (causing more pain) and you all hate her so much, i would not invite her. I also would not take $ from him as well though. Unfortunately, by him contributing, it does give him some say in this. I would definitely speak to him about it. Explain to him your true feelings and take it from there.

Re: Hard position to be in....

Re: Hard position to be in....

I would invite them both.

Re: Hard position to be in....

Thank you so much to everyone who responded...I really appreciate the advice. And yes, as you prob guessed..it was a bad bad divorce where cheating was involved. It broke my heart b/c i was always my 'dads little girl' and he was very good to me and my bros/sisters...but I am best friends with my mom-and I know she kind of dreads this woman being at my wedding. BUT I think after reading the posts...and thinking a lot more about it, in the end I will make peace-invite my dad with 'wifey' haha...and make sure that my mom gets the best seat in the house and has a blast. I am also hoping that a small miracle will occur where she'll meet a fabulous guy and bring him to my wedding!! As soon as she's ready to date again...maybe it'll happen!! Thanks again ladies. I'll let you know how it goes.

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ok...so I am not going through this...BUT I could be. My father and mother were divorced the year I was born...and he ran off with his secretary...(who he had been having an affair with) and they got married. NOW...I can imagine, that in the event they were togther still, and my father were alive stilll....I would have a very difficult situation.
(This may sound over-sharey...but hey...it's life)

Honestly...i'd say 'Screw'er'. I don't want that negative energy at my wedding.
I don't know if this relates, since you didn't get into too many details in your post...but if it does...feel free to FM me...even though I can only imagine the senario...I have other things that have happend regarding said mistress and my mother!

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I may be alone on this one... but I would NEVER invite her. Your wedding, your guest lists - end of story. If the wife whats to really show that she loves you - she should understand that your mother 's feelings are extremely important - your wedding day probably means way more to your mom than it does to your dads new wife. Your dad should understand that too. To me it would be like inviting my FH's ex girlfriend to the wedding - but that is really JMO