Brides Helping Brides ™ - HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

eck739 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 08:34 AM

HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Although I am beyond excited for my wedding, it really has put alot of my friendships (with family members too) into perspective. It becomes apparent who is willing to take time out of thier lives for you and who is that selfish being that you really knew they were, but you kept giving them the benefit of the doubt.

When I first picked my bridal party, I had a friend who I have known for about 8 years...but I didnt put her in my party because she was always flaking out on me with everything. Apparently she was pissed and seemed to have gotten over it. Mind you she is miserable in life when she is not in a relaionship bc she keeps going back and forth with some guy who treats her like crap...mentally and physically.

Invitations go out and I invite her alone....shes not dating anyone and if she was dating HIM, I dont want him at my wedding....but shes single. I find out that she is texting a friend saying that she is pissed that she isnt invited with a guest since we have been friends for so long. So now the bach. party and shower are coming up (timing is all messed up for me lol) and she tells my bridal party that she 'is in for everything, ive been friends with her for 10 yrs'. Come to find out that she has now backed out of the bach party and tells my friend that its because she 'has so much wedding stuff going on she didnt realize she said yes in the first place but she cant make it' (thats what I mean by flaking out). To top it off, my RSVP date is May 1.....its April 28th and she still hasnt responded. At this point, I dont even want her there anymore....Im anticipating her flaking out for my shower too even after she told my mother on the phone that she would be there....

More to come....

I AM SO LIVID.....and that is just one example....but I guess in a way I am glad I am finding out now.

soon to be Mrs Arias Posted: Apr 28, 2012 09:27 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Sorry to hear that. If she is going to be negative its better if she does not go.. During the wedding process is when you realize who is truly there for you and who doesn't give a crap.

Soon2BMrsB2013 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 09:29 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

I am so sorry you are going thought this. Weddings really do bring out people's true colors.

LisaReyes Posted: Apr 28, 2012 09:32 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

It's so true. It's the most important day of your life and some people actually put effort into making it difficult! Sounds like you shouldn't be worrying about her, since she is clearly not worrying about you.

hedwards0524 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 01:33 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

UGH! That's horrible! I would try and talk to her since you guys are close but it may not turn out as well as you'd like. I totally know what you mean about the flakey behavior. She's bad talking you because she is not reliable! So frustrating! Either way, it's your wedding so try to focus on the people who really care and are happy and willing to be part of your day!

LaBellaVita7712 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 01:56 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

terrible, all my friends told me that getting married brings out people's true colors and now I know EXACTLY what they were saying.

soon2bmrsammo Posted: Apr 28, 2012 03:26 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Posted by soon to be Mrs Arias

Sorry to hear that. If she is going to be negative its better if she does not go.. During the wedding process is when you realize who is truly there for you and who doesn't give a crap.

Exactly this. I've found out a lot about friends, and more about family. It's truly unfortunate.

MarryTheNight24 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 05:13 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Call her and ask wha the hell* is going on? Call her out on being flakey. This is YOUR wedding this is about you and not her. Weddings really do show people's true colors. Believe me.

bigislandbride82 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 10:22 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Sorry you're going through this!! Weddings really do show who really is there for you and who isn't. It's very sad because it's supposed to be a happy occasion!

Bride2Be78 Posted: Apr 28, 2012 11:06 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

People def show their true colors during thiswhole process. Hang in there sweetie. You are def not alone!

Fanoula169 Posted: Apr 29, 2012 01:05 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Welcome to the club...I know how you feel...I think most of us understand what you are going through. Try not to let this ruin anything though, if she was a good friend to you she wouldnt be flaking out...so now just flake out on her and ignore her from annoying you.

Bride2012 Posted: Apr 29, 2012 07:46 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

I would definitely call her. Maybe you guys can work it out? Maybe if you tell her why you didn't have her in the wedding party because of these reasons and also why you didn't invite her with a date. She may not realize what shes's doing. Maybe something else is going on? Like she is hurt and instead of confronting you this is how she is acting? Maybe you guys can come to a compromise? If not then at the very least you will feel better you let it out! Good Luck!

eck739 Posted: Apr 29, 2012 10:04 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Posted by Bride2012

I would definitely call her. Maybe you guys can work it out? Maybe if you tell her why you didn't have her in the wedding party because of these reasons and also why you didn't invite her with a date. She may not realize what shes's doing. Maybe something else is going on? Like she is hurt and instead of confronting you this is how she is acting? Maybe you guys can come to a compromise? If not then at the very least you will feel better you let it out! Good Luck!

Funny you should say that because last night she text me exactly like this ' Hey can I ask a question, is there any reason why I got invited without a date to your wedding?

I responded (a few hours later cause my phone was dead) saying: hey, yes. we didnt invite anyone with a date...including family...that isnt married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. we have over 200 guests and if we invited everyone with a guest it would double.

Then i sent another explaining that i was upstate and didnt have my phone, which is why i responded so late.

Im still waiting for a response from her to see if she has any more to ask or say.

SunsetBride2013 Posted: Apr 29, 2012 10:40 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

You really are right - weddings can sometimes make or break a relationship. When all is said and done, you guys have to do what is best for YOU; if someone cannot be supportive either emotionally/physically, then let it go.

There could be some deeper issues that are causing her to act this way, even though I don't think that is really an excuse!

I hope everything works out for you guys!

Jax1127 Posted: Apr 29, 2012 11:06 AM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Posted by eck739

Posted by Bride2012

I would definitely call her. Maybe you guys can work it out? Maybe if you tell her why you didn't have her in the wedding party because of these reasons and also why you didn't invite her with a date. She may not realize what shes's doing. Maybe something else is going on? Like she is hurt and instead of confronting you this is how she is acting? Maybe you guys can come to a compromise? If not then at the very least you will feel better you let it out! Good Luck!

Funny you should say that because last night she text me exactly like this ' Hey can I ask a question, is there any reason why I got invited without a date to your wedding?

I responded (a few hours later cause my phone was dead) saying: hey, yes. we didnt invite anyone with a date...including family...that isnt married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. we have over 200 guests and if we invited everyone with a guest it would double.

Then i sent another explaining that i was upstate and didnt have my phone, which is why i responded so late.

Im still waiting for a response from her to see if she has any more to ask or say.

NYVaBride Posted: Apr 29, 2012 02:21 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Having a friend for a long time from childhood can put you in awkward situations, especially for your wedding. You have a loyalty towards this person but if you were to meet them at a later time in your life and they acted the same way, you would in no way keep up a strong relationship. I think a lot of people have to deal with this in their lives and you should not feel bad about it. She is the one whose actions are affecting the situation. Also, as far as inviting her without a date, I personally thing this MORE THAN FINE! We made a rule for our wedding that only people who are in serious relationships would get invited with a date. If we invited all of our friends with dates our invite list would almost double. Just remember that this is your wedding and you need to do what is best for you. Your true friends will make sure that your day is amazing and others should be taken with a grain of salt. I hope you do not let this girl ruin this amazing time of your life.

eck739 Posted: Apr 30, 2012 05:30 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Posted by Jax1127

Posted by eck739

Posted by Bride2012

I would definitely call her. Maybe you guys can work it out? Maybe if you tell her why you didn't have her in the wedding party because of these reasons and also why you didn't invite her with a date. She may not realize what shes's doing. Maybe something else is going on? Like she is hurt and instead of confronting you this is how she is acting? Maybe you guys can come to a compromise? If not then at the very least you will feel better you let it out! Good Luck!

Funny you should say that because last night she text me exactly like this ' Hey can I ask a question, is there any reason why I got invited without a date to your wedding?

I responded (a few hours later cause my phone was dead) saying: hey, yes. we didnt invite anyone with a date...including family...that isnt married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. we have over 200 guests and if we invited everyone with a guest it would double.

Then i sent another explaining that i was upstate and didnt have my phone, which is why i responded so late.

Im still waiting for a response from her to see if she has any more to ask or say.

It's hard when it comes to deciding who gets dates and who does not. I was only invited to one wedding where I didn't have a date. I had only been with my fiancé (then bf) 3 or 4 mos at the time. I had known the couple since high school and i was pretty pissed that they did not invite him... They didn't think my relationship at the time was long enough or serious enough to warrant a date. Had I been with him 6 mos, they would have let me bring me him.

Regardless I understand why your friend is angry. I would be too... I'm sorry, I think you should have invited her with a date, IMO. It is a horrible feeling going to a wedding alone.

Let me try to put this into perspective....just our family and immediate friends alone are over 200 people. If I then allowed everyone who was single to bring a date, then the number would be somewhere around 300-400 people.

I didnt invite people to my wedding to accommodate their comfort level. If you are my friend and you care about me, then you are going to come and hang out with the rest of your friends that you know are going to be there and have a good time because you are more than happy to share in our special day.

Having a date should not make or break a friend's wedding IMO. If she was dating someone, I would have invited her with a date...but she is as single as they come right now.....my own family members were not invited with dates if they arent married, engaged, living together,or super serious.

When my fiance and I first got together he had been invited to a wedding (he was also in it) without a guest bc the invites went out before we were together. By the time the wedding came around, he and I were already living together....I still was not invited and I completely understood. If you do it for one person, you have to do it for EVERYONE.

eck739 Posted: Apr 30, 2012 05:32 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Posted by NYVaBride

Having a friend for a long time from childhood can put you in awkward situations, especially for your wedding. You have a loyalty towards this person but if you were to meet them at a later time in your life and they acted the same way, you would in no way keep up a strong relationship. I think a lot of people have to deal with this in their lives and you should not feel bad about it. She is the one whose actions are affecting the situation. Also, as far as inviting her without a date, I personally thing this MORE THAN FINE! We made a rule for our wedding that only people who are in serious relationships would get invited with a date. If we invited all of our friends with dates our invite list would almost double. Just remember that this is your wedding and you need to do what is best for you. Your true friends will make sure that your day is amazing and others should be taken with a grain of salt. I hope you do not let this girl ruin this amazing time of your life.

yeah we are not childhood friends...I met her when I was like 23ish....Im 31 now. And its not like she would be out of place, she knows EVERYONE out of our friends that is going....and most of them are single too.

eck739 Posted: May 08, 2012 05:53 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

BUMP....UPDATE!

My shower was Sunday.
She came a half hour after I got there(which is an hour late to the party)..didnt say hello to me for another hour and then left exactly at 3pm even though I was still opening gifts.

When I got home and read all the kind wishes on the picture frame that my mother passed around the room, every single person there signed it...BUT HER!

WHY DID YOU COME?????

linda_art Posted: May 08, 2012 10:24 PM

Re: HAVING A WEDDING REALLY PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Try and take a deep breath. Your hurt and its creating anger but these things just happen with people. My suggestion would be to try to keep your expectations low. I had my niece who is 21 no-show for our wedding and her parents tell me she's all of a sudden sick. My MOH got her invite in the exact rsvp date. People are just so self consumed with their own sick insecurities and issues, please try not to personalize it bc it isn't worth your unhappiness. She didn't sign, you know what, I'm sure she knows she's a shitt*y friend and is prob spending her nights feeling sorry for herself. Im not making excuses for peoples sick behavior but for me there came a time as it got closer where I had to just start letting things roll off my back... Even the day of with the No-Shows and all the money we wasted bc we paid for the whole thing ourselves. Its sickening, and there are a lot of sick ppl in the world. I try to just be a reflection of what I want given back to me, thats all I can really control, myself. Good luck with this and I hope you start to feel better. Everything will be amazing regardless of other peoples destructive selfish issues, I promise.