I'm sorry you're going through this...I don't have anything more to offer in way of advice except that I think cluelessbride and julybride444 gave you EXCELLENT advice. Be true to yourself...
mv1003
Posted:
Member since
Re: Having doubts...
JoRo said it best- definitely take time and really think things through. Christine1221 said she did the same thing, and once came to the conclusion that the person she was w/ at the time was not the person she wanted to be with. I said what I said only b/c I know my FH did not normally act that way. It's not a behavior pattern that has been in our relationship for the 5 & 1/2 years we've been together. I most certainly was not going to tolerate it for the rest of my life. I'm glad he loved me to listen to me, and does respect me enough to know it was wrong and won't do it again. I watched my mother take verbal abuse from my father the entire time they were together. I've seen my cousin take much verbal abuse from her husband, and I know I was not going to live my life with that! You and only you know to what degree his outrages are. Only you, know how serious it is, or if he can control the rage outside of being stressed for this test. He may not even realize how he's acting? I'm hoping your situation is semi similar to the way mine was, where, it was enough to upset me & gave me doubts, but, it all worked out by working through it.
notsure
Posted:
Member since
Re: Having doubts...
I spoke with FI just now as I had to call him about something else. We ended up talking about how we felt about the fight. He said I was being argumentative, and I said that that is fine, but I told him he has no excuse to lose his temper and that I did not want to spend my life with someone who loses their temper. He said that I should think about if I wanted to marry him, I told him I was thinking about it. He said that he is willing to work on it and that I wasn't...which is not true. I think he is just being defensive. We just need some time apart I think (this weekend will be good to spend with my friends while he is away), but we also need to sit down and to have a real heart to heart. I just refuse to put up with that and he needs to know it. He did admit to being annoying so that is good, some progress...I'll let you know what I decide to do...we only have a couple of weeks until the wedding. I've been through a lot of tough break-ups so I know that I am strong enough to get out if that is what I want, I know that I can do what is best for me.
julybride444
Posted:
Member since
Re: Having doubts...
His response was a little harsh
We all wish you good luck and are all pulling for you and hope that you end up in a situation that is best for you!We're all here for advice if you need it.
jenny2penny
Posted:
Member since
.
.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Having doubts...
If you are seriously having doubts you need to stop and consider the fact that marriage will NOT make things better or 'fix' any of the problems. I was once engaged to a great guy (when I was 25) but something in our relationship wasn't right for the two of us. We ended our engagement and moved on with our lives. It hurt worse than anything and it was NOT an easy decision BUT it was the best one for both of us. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reasons and if you are asking the question you probably already know the answer (inside your heart) but you hate the answer so you think that if you keep asking the question at some point you will hear 'no. this is the right thing to do'. but in all honestly honey, you know in your heart what is best for you. Don't be afraid to cancel a wedding because ending a marriage is much, much harder.
Annieb
Posted:
Member since
Re: Having doubts...
notsure- I am SO SORRY that you are going through this at this point of the pre-wedding stage.
I think there might be something to your worry that he is stressed out about the impending exam. My FH is also taking the CFA part II on May 31st and he is freaking out. We never fight usually but lately he has become really moody and i know that is why. However, he didn't really have a chance to study sooner so mayhe your FH is in a different situation.
As for your worries about the Bachelor party...I totally feel your pain It seems a little like he convinced you that it was going to be ok but you are not comfortable with it still. My FH and I have had several chats about the bachelor/bachelorette party and have agreed that it will not be like that at all...more like peter lugers and a baseball game with the guys. One of my best friends was in a situation like you and the bachelor party brought everything to a head. She wasn't comfortable with it to begin with and afterwards he was very shady over it...she couldn't sleep at night worrying about what had gone on...eventually she found out and that was it for them.
I don't mean to be so negative but, I feel like now is the time to voice your concerns...that voice in the back of your head telling you something is not right is only going to get louder after your wedding day!
Hope this helps
JuneBabyBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Having doubts...
I am going to try to give the same advise I was given a couple of weeks ago, I called off my engagement to my fi and the father of my child b/c of the way he treated me. It was really hard but I know I deserve better than that and so does my daughter. I don't think things would have gotten any better if we got married probably just worse. There is no excuse for anyone to raise thier voice and have a temper with you. My father was like that to and I haven't spoken to him in like 10 years or something. I wish you the best of luck and hope things do work out for the best. I will be thinking of you.
