HELP

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. What does FH have to say about it?

I'm sorry hon, I wish I had some advice to offer you. It's a terrible feeling to not get along with people you're tied to through blood or marriage... it certainly puts a strain on the good relationships in your life as well. What does FH have to say? Can you both sit down and write a letter to FIL's? Or maybe, if it's that extreme, a family mediator could help?

Do your best to make a deal with FH that you won't let it get in the way of your relationship. Only you know what's good for you as far as the weddding, but make sure you and FH are on the same page, don't make a decision based solely on the fact that FIL's are difficult. If you need to use someone as a soundboard just to think out loud, feel free to FM me... I know that helps me sometimes, telling someone, anyone, how I'm feeling helps me get it all straight in my head and know where I'm coming from and what the issue are so I can start to work them out for myself.
Good luck

So sorry you are going through this, but don't let anyone break you guys apart, if your love for each is strong you and fh will get through this.
How does fh feel about this??

Good luck, stay strong

I see that there is a trend of everyone asking how does FH feel about the situation, but based on what I read he isn't too happy about it, and that's why he got into the altercation with his sister. If my analysis on the situation is correct, I would suggest that you and him work out! His family would have to eventually accept you, or lose their son/brother. And I believe accepting you would be easier for them to do. It not going to happen overnight but as long as he is on your side you guys will make it through!

HTH and I am really sorry that you are going through this!

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Posted by elimnite1

I see that there is a trend of everyone asking how does FH feel about the situation, but based on what I read he isn't too happy about it, and that's why he got into the altercation with his sister. If my analysis on the situation is correct, I would suggest that you and him work out! His family would have to eventually accept you, or lose their son/brother. And I believe accepting you would be easier for them to do. It not going to happen overnight but as long as he is on your side you guys will make it through!

HTH and I am really sorry that you are going through this!

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I think everyone's asking that because we don't know what the fight with FH's sister was about... or how the 'hate' from FIL's has played out... does FH defend the OP? Does he stay silent? Did the fight have something to do with her and that's why MIL kicked him out? Does he blame OP? Is he supportive? Has their relationship come between him and his family or were they way F'd up before that? Has canceling ht eengagement come up between the two of them before or is this just something going on in her head right now?

So I think knowing what FH says would help us evaluate the situation and maybe someone can give better advice with that info without asking all those invasive questions as seen above (which I do not expect OP to answer, btw, they were just examples)

wow, im so sorry. this is terrible!!

i am sorry......i know exactly how u feel though. i HATED my ex fiances family. They were the epidemy of white trash and treated him like shyt. The reason y it ended was not bc of them. It was because he was exactly like them in the end.

but dont let them come btwn u and him. Does he stick up for you at least???

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Posted by jilliibabii

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. What does FH have to say about it?

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basically he says they are dead to him and all that, but i feel responsible and i am SO not wanting that for him

sounds like this could be a huge stressor to your marriage down the road ... perhaps you two can seek out familial counseling? this should be a happy time for all of you - i am so sorry to read this

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by elimnite1

I see that there is a trend of everyone asking how does FH feel about the situation, but based on what I read he isn't too happy about it, and that's why he got into the altercation with his sister. If my analysis on the situation is correct, I would suggest that you and him work out! His family would have to eventually accept you, or lose their son/brother. And I believe accepting you would be easier for them to do. It not going to happen overnight but as long as he is on your side you guys will make it through!

HTH and I am really sorry that you are going through this!

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I think everyone's asking that because we don't know what the fight with FH's sister was about... or how the 'hate' from FIL's has played out... does FH defend the OP? Does he stay silent? Did the fight have something to do with her and that's why MIL kicked him out? Does he blame OP? Is he supportive? Has their relationship come between him and his family or were they way F'd up before that? Has canceling ht eengagement come up between the two of them before or is this just something going on in her head right now?

So I think knowing what FH says would help us evaluate the situation and maybe someone can give better advice with that info without asking all those invasive questions as seen above (which I do not expect OP to answer, btw, they were just examples)

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so basically this fight has been going on for years. Ever since my daughter was born they decided that the yhate me. And they most definately take it out on her. So i stay away from them (and keep my daughter away from them). A large part of the problem is that they only want to see my daughter if i am not there, and as they are TERRIBLE to her, i wont allow it. So they refuse to see her, but then complain that i dont bring her there. for the 1st 2 years of her life, i put almost 50,000 miles on my car bringing her to see them (i live in queens, they live in mastic and patchogue) just to watch them ignore her blatantly, and talk down to her and say nasty things to her (for example, i brought her there the thursday before easter, her cookies and my nephews cookies were on the table next to each other not in plaes or anything, just on the table. She took a cookie that my FSIL decided was my nephews so she called her a sneaky little ***** and went to slap her) On easter FHs 20 year old neice started texting me really terrible crap, and so i told FH because he asked why i was so upset. So he stood up for me, and WW3 broke out. He supports me, and i have brought up ending the engagement because of his family, but he assures me that is not what he wants, and that his family can jump off a bridge but i really just want everyone to be happy and get along. They also have an issue with me not wanting pictures of my daughter on FB so we fight a lot about them taking down pictures they have up (i dont even have pictures of her posted, i dont understand why its so difficult)

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Posted by Scarpak

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by elimnite1

I see that there is a trend of everyone asking how does FH feel about the situation, but based on what I read he isn't too happy about it, and that's why he got into the altercation with his sister. If my analysis on the situation is correct, I would suggest that you and him work out! His family would have to eventually accept you, or lose their son/brother. And I believe accepting you would be easier for them to do. It not going to happen overnight but as long as he is on your side you guys will make it through!

HTH and I am really sorry that you are going through this!

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I think everyone's asking that because we don't know what the fight with FH's sister was about... or how the 'hate' from FIL's has played out... does FH defend the OP? Does he stay silent? Did the fight have something to do with her and that's why MIL kicked him out? Does he blame OP? Is he supportive? Has their relationship come between him and his family or were they way F'd up before that? Has canceling ht eengagement come up between the two of them before or is this just something going on in her head right now?

So I think knowing what FH says would help us evaluate the situation and maybe someone can give better advice with that info without asking all those invasive questions as seen above (which I do not expect OP to answer, btw, they were just examples)

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so basically this fight has been going on for years. Ever since my daughter was born they decided that the yhate me. And they most definately take it out on her. So i stay away from them (and keep my daughter away from them). A large part of the problem is that they only want to see my daughter if i am not there, and as they are TERRIBLE to her, i wont allow it. So they refuse to see her, but then complain that i dont bring her there. for the 1st 2 years of her life, i put almost 50,000 miles on my car bringing her to see them (i live in queens, they live in mastic and patchogue) just to watch them ignore her blatantly, and talk down to her and say nasty things to her (for example, i brought her there the thursday before easter, her cookies and my nephews cookies were on the table next to each other not in plaes or anything, just on the table. She took a cookie that my FSIL decided was my nephews so she called her a sneaky little ***** and went to slap her) On easter FHs 20 year old neice started texting me really terrible crap, and so i told FH because he asked why i was so upset. So he stood up for me, and WW3 broke out. He supports me, and i have brought up ending the engagement because of his family, but he assures me that is not what he wants, and that his family can jump off a bridge but i really just want everyone to be happy and get along. They also have an issue with me not wanting pictures of my daughter on FB so we fight a lot about them taking down pictures they have up (i dont even have pictures of her posted, i dont understand why its so difficult)

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wow I am so sorry that you are in this situation I have had conflicts with my FMIL before and this was before FH and I were engaged. Honestly, I thought about ending it with FH (at the time BF) but I loved him and he loved me. Things are much better now and of course I haven't forgotten what I have been through with them but I love FH enough to move past it. If your FH is on your side and supports and defends you he wants to be with you. Give it some time maybe things will blow over and if not that is really unfortunately that his parents would make him choose between his family and you. His parents might come around when they realize they are not going to tear you guys apart.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this craziness and pure nonsense!! Honestly, I would feel the exact same way as you. But, it sounds like your husband completely loves you and is absolutely in your corner.
As sad as it is, sometimes our families, the people who we have trusted and loved, are the ones that cause us the most pain and headaches!! If I were in your shoes, I would sit down with FH and try to figure out some solution on how to deal with this situation. It should be something in which you and FH are not getting repeatedly hurt. If that means cutting people out- so be it!
You and FH should be enjoying your engagement. Don't let anyone tear you guys apart!

Something to consider ... although you are marrying your Future Hubby you are also in part marrying his family. They say that one of the top reasons that couples divorce are because of inlaws. Try and settle the differences now as best as you can so you can both have a strong footing going into your relationship!

I am a therapist so if I can be of any help please let me know!

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Posted by CantWaitMrsH

Something to consider ... although you are marrying your Future Hubby you are also in part marrying his family. They say that one of the top reasons that couples divorce are because of inlaws. Try and settle the differences now as best as you can so you can both have a strong footing going into your relationship!

I am a therapist so if I can be of any help please let me know!

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I'm jumping in here and adding my 2 cents. I was previously married and my inlaws were a nightmare. In the end, we divorced bc of many reasons and 1 being them. You do marry your inlaws. It wont be easy dealing with the situation bc hurts fester and small things escalate.

Try to see if you can work things out now and decide if you can take this for the rest of your marriage.