HELP! Does this sound right?

HELP! Does this sound right?

My FH & I booked our officiant Rev Douglas Trees through the Catholic Answer. We paid $600 for him to come to MG where we are getting married and perform a 20 minute ceremony. I met w/ him for the first time a few days ago. He tells me that there was a problem w/ our application. He hands me a letter from the diocese(sp) (dated Sept 2005) stating that any couple residing at the same address is living in sin and therefore will need a dispensation which will cost $300. He said that the letter was not for us, but that is the church's viewpoint for all couples in that situation.

He then asked me(as a therapist, b/c he is a psychologist as well as a Rev) how I felt about this. I told him that if the sin is fornicating before marriage then there has been no sin, as we have been waiting till marriage to share that w/ each other. We live together b/c we love each other and we can not afford to live seperately, but there is no sin there. He shook his head knowingly and dropped mention of the subject.

Later on, after our lunch was over, he brought up the fee again...I felt blind-sided and was not sure what to do. I paid the fee, feeling like - w/ a month left before the wedding, how can I fight with this man that I am supposed to trust.

PLEASE TELL US, DO YOU THINK THAT THIS FEE IS FOR REAL, SHOULD WE HAVE PAID IT? ARE WE BEING SCAMMED????

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

OMG...I would NOT have paid that fee.....at ALL! i am getting married by a Catholic Priest...we told him we lived together....we didnt have to pay a fee.....that is CRAZY!

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

W T F???? That seems really odd to me!! I am getting married in the church and when they found out that we were living together they made the whole 'living in sin' comment and that was it. I was nervous to put the same address on the paperwork for Pre-Cana and all but then I thought its none of their business if we are living together or not. I am really suprised you had to pay more $

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

I honestly have never heard of such a thing- then again I could be wrong because I am not really very religious. however, our reverend- knowing we live at the same address didn't do such a thing. that is strange and why would you have to pay a fee for living together- what does it have to do with them financially? that would turn me off.

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

You would think he would tell you that you had to complete X number of confessions, not pay a $300 and get a 'get out of sin free card'

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

This seems completely insane. I would look further into it...call the Diocese. And if he's lying, which I think he is, I would report it. Does paying more money forgive a sin? I thought that was what confession was for : )

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

that sounds like they are looking for anything they can find to make you pay more money, what does the fee cover?? what is that money for, to make them change their morals? in your situation i probably would have paid too to avoid problems so close to the wedding, but maybe you should ask him what exactly the fee is paying for. that's really ridiculous!

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

i have never heard of this before, FH and I are living in sin and getting married in a catholic church

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

i didn't even know priests went to RH's ummm but i feel this is a bit much of what they are charging!! can't believe this

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

I think it is crazy, definaltly took advantage of you . My priest didn't even ask anything related to 'living in sin' and even if , he isn't God to judge you, forgiveness for 'living in sin' comes from God not your wallet

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

I see where they're coming from with the whole 'living in sin' issue (my home church has similar beliefs and I too am waiting until I'm married), but I agree with soontoobemrsk, only when stated that they should then just refuse to marry you, if thats really the issue. Charging you an extra fee won't change anything, so that definitely confuses me. That's like me not wanting to marry a man who cheats on me, BUT if he buys me a really nice expensive diamond - THEN it's ok and I can overlook the fact that he's not a suitable husband. It doesn't make sense.

My Pastors were originally considering not marrying me & my FH only because they hadn't been able to personally meet him, and they won't until the week of the wedding (since he lives far away). There was so much drama with all of that, and I couldn't believe they'd refuse us for something like that. Especially since we WERE gonna be doing the pre-marriage counseling that they require, just at a church in Colorado (where he lives). Luckily that all got settled. So i kinda do get what you're saying tho about Officiants having issues with your situation. But to CHARGE you?????

hmmm

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

OMG!!! I've never heard of something like this.

Your best bet is to go into a church and ask a priest their honest opinion of the situation.

This is very strange...don't pay it...


Good Luck!

Re: HELP! Does this sound right?

Priest are DEF not allowed to perform a religious cermony if not in a church, it may not even be recognized thru the chuch...i would def do some research on this 'priest'