Brides Helping Brides ™ - Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream - UPDATE

BKtoLI Posted: Apr 06, 2006 11:45 PM

Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream - UPDATE

23 days before the wedding....and I have to look for a new hair and makeup person who not only is available on my day, but is willing to travel to me and not have a minimum.

Let me explain...I called my hair & makeup girls to find out when I need people at the hotel by to get done. They tell me 9am. I cringed. I knew that this was going to be a major problem for everyone because everyone is scattered all over the place, and no one is close by.

Sure enough, I called all my my BMs and my MOH. NONE OF THEM ARE WILLING TO BE THERE AT 9AM. They won't even crash over the night before at the room which I am paying for. They won't even do it when I'm paying for half the hair & makeup bill. I realize they all have children under 3 years old, so it's an issue. But damn, if it was up to me, I would do whatever I had to do. And of course FH is no help, because he just says well, pay them in full for the 3 person minimum whether they have 3 people to work on or not. I said why should I pay unnecessarily?? He just doesn't get it.

I'm at a loss. I am spent. It's like everytime something good happens, something bad follows.

Do I just pay the $600 that would cover the 3 person minimum and just see who shows up to get hair and makeup done later on and hope the artists stick around long enough?? Or do I just attempt to find someone else at this stage of the game?

UPDATE: I spoke to Jenn via IMs. She said how we can break it down is like this:

One girl shows up at 9:30, they will start on her makeup, and my hair.
Another shows at 10:00, another at 10:30, and another at 11:00. If my neice wants her hair done she comes at 11:30 and my SIL who is getting ready beforehand can be there at 12.

Well the BM who has to be there at 10:30 starts b!tching about it, saying it's too early!!!! WTH!!!

So basically I told her her BF can crash in the hotel room if necessary (he has to work overnight the night before and is driving her) or they can get a room for themselves and I'll pay for it.

She finally said she will reserve a room so he can sleep and she can arrive on time.

kmkelly Posted: Apr 06, 2006 11:53 PM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

I don't understand why they're not willing to be there at 9:00 a.m. Being in a wedding party means you do certain things, maybe make certain sacrifices. Not right. I'd try talking to them again and let them know that they are creating a situation for you - a stressful one - and you're the bride and it's your day. The least they can do is get there by 9:00 a.m. If they have little kids, tell them to get a babysitter.

My wedding is early, and we are all starting at 6:00 a.m. at the hotel. I told the girls this and none of them questioned it. Three of my five BM's have kids and they've all made arrangements.

Good luck with this, I hope it works out in your favor.

BellaEyes Posted: Apr 06, 2006 11:54 PM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

I'm sorry you are upset Sounds like they are giving you a really hard time here. You are offering to pay half too! Wow nice Bride to be, you would think they would be more helpful.. hmmm I guess these are the difficult ones. I see they all have small children, that could be hard for them to coordinate getting there by 9:00 but the way I see it, they have had a while to make arrangements for SOMEONE to watch their kids for that time.. or any arrangements at all for that matter. How many BM's do you have?

nposa07 Posted: Apr 06, 2006 11:55 PM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

When I was the MOH for my cousins wedding I didn't stay out at her house (like 40-50 min away) but I got my a$$ up at 5:00 a.m to make sure I got out there early enough to be there for her and to get my hair done and so on....I can understand they have children and that could be rough to stay over but they should be able to get there by 9! JMO

espresso Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:09 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

how about asking someone else if they want to get their hair done and be there at 9? like maybe mom or fmil or cousins or something?

BKtoLI Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:14 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Posted by espresso

how about asking someone else if they want to get their hair done and be there at 9? like maybe mom or fmil or cousins or something?

Not happening except for maybe 1 friend who offered, but I can't expect her to pay $100 to get her hair done!!!

Both mothers insisted on doing their own hair and makeup, so they're out, and my only female cousin is my MOH, who is one of the people refusing.

SweetCin704 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:16 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Oh Janna I don't know what to tell you. Keep who you have for now & do some research on if anyone else could come to you w/ no minimum or if you could go to a salon.

I had the same prob. w/ my MOH, I offerred to pay for her make-up but she has little ones & is coming from CT & instead of meeting me at my parent's house will go right to church

BlueTulip Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:19 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

I'm sorry you are going through this. Your BMs should be there whenever you say 'we start at XXX'.

That said, I have a quesiton: Why does it have to be so early? How many girls do you have? What time is you photographer coming?

We are doing hair at 10AM. Then a break until 2 when the makeup person is coming. We leave the hotel at 4:30 and the photographer comes around 3 to get some prep shots and then our individual sides of the family shots.

I dunno, I think you might have more time to play with. If you start at 9, you'll be done very early I think.

Another thing: At this point I do not think it is worth going through the hair and makeup trial process-you'll end up spending $600 total anyway. You may as well just pay the minimum amount and keep your existing vendors. You know them and like them. If other girls show up, great. If they don't, at least you don't have to shell out extra for a tip.

BKtoLI Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:29 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

The reason why it's so early (and trust me, I wasn't even planning on getting up until 9am, but so much for that!!) is because we are taking pics before our ceremony.

The limos are coming at 1:30, and I have 4 girls for hair and 3 girls for makeup if you include myself on both counts, and they said they need an hour per person. Thus the 9:30am start time.

chloeme2 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 01:06 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Hey Janna, I sent you FM

babybug631 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 07:42 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

You tell these girls to stop being f-in babies and get to the hotel by 9. That IS NOT a lot to ask. I would be enraged right now if my bridal party was acting this way.

sr081906 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 07:44 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Well, what time do they want to get ready by? Don't they want to be in the photos? I would ask them the question:

'At what time do you plan on showing up?'

beautyq115 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 08:02 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Janna...that is really rediculous..what time did they think this would start 12pm??? Have any of these people ever gotten married before?? Do they know the time frame????

At this point..let THEM find their own hair and makeup people...that is their problem IMO

soon2bmrsdunn Posted: Apr 07, 2006 08:13 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

I do not understand why they are not willing to be there at 9 am either!!! If you were having a morning wedding they had to be ready early. I am shaking my head right now. Sometimes I just don't understand people. I understand how you feel about paying for 3 people when it's only you but if you really loved your trial then why chance going with someone you may not love. Good luck!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Apr 07, 2006 08:13 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Janna, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would send out an email asking very nicely if your BMs and MOH could plan to stay with you in the room the night before the wedding so they can have their hair done at the necessary time. Two of my BMs and my MOH are staying the night with me, and that is how we are working it out. But then again, they are all OOT like me. If your BMs have someone to watch the children during the wedding, I'm sure they can have that person watch the children the night before too (I assume it is family and not a babysitter). I would try one more time to talk to them and see if they will do this for you. It really is too late in the game for them to be pulling this crap.

MrsH1156 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 08:54 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

I'm so sorry Janna. I wish I had better words of advice other than TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOUR BRIDAL PARTY. This is your WEDDING and they can't make arrangements to be there when you ask them to? I'm sorry but that's part of the commitment you make when you decide to become part of a bridal party. I'm so sorry, sweetie. This stuff just makes me so angry. Can any of them get there by 10AM or so? If so, maybe the makeup people can take care of you first?

SunBride07 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 08:58 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Posted by kmkelly

I don't understand why they're not willing to be there at 9:00 a.m. Being in a wedding party means you do certain things, maybe make certain sacrifices. Not right. I'd try talking to them again and let them know that they are creating a situation for you - a stressful one - and you're the bride and it's your day. The least they can do is get there by 9:00 a.m. If they have little kids, tell them to get a babysitter.

My wedding is early, and we are all starting at 6:00 a.m. at the hotel. I told the girls this and none of them questioned it. Three of my five BM's have kids and they've all made arrangements.

Good luck with this, I hope it works out in your favor.

I agree! You need to be honest with them and tell them that this is turning into a big problem for you just because they won't be available at 9am. I think that time is totally reasonable - wedding parties usually start getting ready at that time anyway!

ML110 Posted: Apr 07, 2006 09:03 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

that really stinks! i'm sorry!! that just shows such a lack of responsibility on their part.... this is part of agreeing to be in a bridal party! theres gonna be some sacrifices they have to make! it could be A LOT worse for them! DH is in a wedding in september that starts at 11:30 AM, and they are taking pics beforehand, so he has to be up, ready, and at the place by about 8:30.... and the BMs have to get up even earlier for hair and stuff, and nobody is complaining- its just part of being in a BP. i think you need to talk to your girls about this, and really let them know how irresponsible they're being!
also, i like the idea of maybe the hair/makeup people starting you at 9, and then that would give your girls some extra time to get there and stuff....
maybe that would be a good compromise....

johnsae Posted: Apr 07, 2006 09:30 AM

Re: Help!!! Excuse me while I go scream............

Seriously - it's not up for discussion - tell them to effing be there at 9. This kind of stuff really upsets me.....will it kill them to sacrifice for you on your wedding day? People!