My parents have been divorced since I was 4 and I don't speak to my father. My mother takes pride in saying taht she's like both my father an dmy mother... She is even walking me down the aisle. But she is giving us a really hard time about $$ for the wedding when she has plenty of it. My FH parents are giving us $7,000. What should I do????
sp04
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
I think that if your mother did not have the money, then it is completely understandable. Some people may just not have it and there is nothing wrong with that. However, is she does and it continues to bother you why don't you try having a serious talk with her about things. Just you and she should sit down and really talk about finances. You may learn more about her finances then you thought. Maybe she needs to realize that you may need the financial help more than she realizes. But by you and her sitting down and talking alone that may give you both a good chance to talk compassionately to one another and really find answers. Explain to her just how expensive weddings are..see what her reaction is and then take it from there.
But remember its not about the $$$ its your moms $$$ that she worked hard for its not a birthright. but try talking to her you never know she just may surprise you.
jpdagame
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
what is that supposed to mean million? At least we can take pride in knowing that we paid for most of it ourselves!!
lorimari
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
I don't want to start anything but I've learned to not expect anything from my parents. Don't get me wrong, they have been very generous but I never expected them to help so when they offered to pay for things it was a very pleasant surprise.
Lesson: never expect - this way when it is offered its a surprise and you'll definitely appreciate it.
I wish you luck!!!!
jpdagame
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
Thanks!!!!
PinkRose
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
Fi and I are footing the bulk of the bill, but when we started planning, we asked if they could help in any way. We explained our budget and what we'll be able to do with their help and well as without. Once we knew what we'd be working with, we planned from there. If your mom has the money available, she may see the difference it will make and if she cant help, I'm sure she'll find ways to contribute. If it makes you feel better, we had to borrow from our 401K because we came up short and wanted a big affair. Good luck
jenny2penny
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
my FH & I are paying the bulk of it. My FILs are having us live with them until the wedding, and this is a HUGE savings for us,,,They are also paying for rehersal dinner....so we did not accept their e-gift from them.
My MOM has also helps ENORMOUSLY.
So far, my dad has been below everyone elses generosity.
I would not dare say a thing because, in the end,,,,we are preparing for marriage, I feel it's time for the asking for money to end, and FH & I make what we have work. JMO
julz33
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
I also don't speak to my dad and my mom wants to help us but can't because she doesn't have that much money herself, in part because my dad stopped paying her what he owed her. I didn't expect her to help in any way and we are paying for everything ourselves. It was a nice suprise that when I picked out my gown, my mother paid for it! We had a 2 year engagement and are saving so much money, we will have more than enough by the time Sept. 04 comes around. If we can do it, anyone can do it!
Kelly9904
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
Personally I wouldnt expect nor get upset by this. My parents arent contributing to our wedding either. THey are paying for my dress and I think the bridal shower(although I have nothing to do with this so I dont know for sure) but thats it! I am sooooo thankful that they are doing that much because honestly they dont have to do anything. Its my FI's and my wedding, not theirs. We are paying for our wedding ourselves. JMO but I think its better not to expect anything for something that is yours, but rather be thankful for any genorisity that they willingly supply. Again JMO.
Good Luck!
May2704bride
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
OMG am i in the same boat or what??? My mother is not helping us at all with the wedding costs. As a matter of fact she has yet to offer any assistance. And it's not like she doesn't have any money either. Unfortunately i have a 'blah' relationship with my mom and in all honesty could care less if she came to my wedding (am i horrible?). My dad and stepmom raised me pretty much. With that said, any input my mom has been giving me i've been brushing it aside. I feel that if you can't even make the effort to help us then you have no say in what i choose. My FMIL is giving us money towards the wedding and i feel embarassed that my own mother has not made any kind of effort.
IMO, you should talk to your mom and explain how you feel. This is your day not hers.
jpdagame, I am not sure why you have so much animosity towards me, nor do i care~ i dont know you....and i would rather have peace between us so we can help eachother rather then backlash, BUT i agree with lorimari, for my E party and my wedding my FH and I did not expect anything from my parents, we paid for most of it ourselves,what we received were 'gifts from parents and my sisters'. as i said before, i wish you luck with your planning, but i also want to add that someone else had a great idea as well, which was to let you mom be aware of your expenses, I am sure things weren't as expensive when she got married, or maybe you could suggest that her gift to you be taking care of a vendor of her choice (ex- video, limo, or photo???)... I know a wonderful video person, if you want details fm me. there are also lots of $$ shortcuts you can do such as creating your own invatations, centerpieces (i used 3 heart shaped ballons for my centerpieces -for the E party it came out to less then $100. and everyone raved on how wonderful and wedding like it all appeared) like i said if your interesed send an FM, this is getting way too long. ~Peace
August2004
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
You never know. She may just suprise you !!! Just plan your wedding as if you are paying for it and if she offers something it will be a nice suprise !! Like found money.
jpdagame
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
Thanks everyone!!!!
hsdfl
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Re: Help! My mother is not helping us with $$$!!!
Well, we have been together for 10 years and never had anything given to us or handed to us. I take pride in that! So when I told my mother about us getting married she said she would help. I said if you really want to help me you can pay for my photographer, video, or limo? Take your pick of one? I said what ever you want to give. So she is going to get back to me on what she will help with. I don't want her help too much because I would like to keep things the way they are. On our own. We would have been married sooner, but it was always about money. This year we are able to afford it. Our taxes will cover the bulk of it. Even a little help is better than none. Good luck and I hope you can come to some agreement or understanding!
