Help! RSVP response etiquette.

I was just wondering if it's bad etiquette to want to know the reason why a guest can't make it to my wedding. I received a decline with a little note with a reason and I thought that was nice. I also have a couple of other RSVP declines that haven't written a note. Is it bad etiiquette to ask why they decline?

I also received a check with one decline. Is it okay to cash now before the wedding (which is in June) and send a thank you after the wedding. I don't even have my thank you cards yet. Or can I e-mail a thank you that I received the check now and send an official thank you card by mail with our wedding picture after the wedding. Not sure what to do here.

its not bad etiquitte to WANT to know. but i think it is to actually ask...

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Posted by slyman1101

its not bad etiquitte to WANT to know. but i think it is to actually ask...

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Ditto

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Posted by slyman1101

its not bad etiquitte to WANT to know. but i think it is to actually ask...

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I agree!

I agree. I dont think you should as much as you want to lol. as for the check i think its fine to cash it and send an email thanks and then send an official one.

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Posted by FutureMrsG

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Posted by slyman1101

its not bad etiquitte to WANT to know. but i think it is to actually ask...

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I agree!

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I wouldnt ask unless you are REALLY close.. you could say something like.. Its really unfortunate you cant attend! I hope all is well.. and see what they respond with.


I would send a hand written thank you note now, and deposit the check.

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Posted by KN2011

I wouldnt ask unless you are REALLY close.. you could say something like.. Its really unfortunate you cant attend! I hope all is well.. and see what they respond with.


I would send a hand written thank you note now, and deposit the check.

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ITA. I wouldn't ask unless I am super close with the person; and in that case, they would probably tell why they weren't coming. I think it's ok to cash the check now, but I would send a handwritten thank you instead on an email.

i definitely would not ask why somebody isnt coming to my wedding. if they cant make it, they cant make it for whatever reason. itd be weird and i wouldnt wanna put anybody on the spot and make em feel uncomfortable.

u can cash the checks now, i did or else i woulda lost em. and im sending thank you's after the wedding.

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Posted by KN2011

I wouldnt ask unless you are REALLY close.. you could say something like.. Its really unfortunate you cant attend! I hope all is well.. and see what they respond with.


I would send a hand written thank you note now, and deposit the check.

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ITA, well put

All great advice.

What I have done was cash any checks I have gotten. I have also sent a short handwritten thank you note pre-wedding to say 'hey I got it and thanks'.

After the wedding I will send a formal thank you from my picture cards.

its bad form to ask why someone can not come to your wedding. the wedding is important to us, but again, people have other things going on in their lives and may not be able to make it.

i would never ask someone why they were unable to attend.

as for the check, cash it, because if you wait longer than 90 days the check is null and void. you should send an actual thank you card - one you write in by hand - now, thanking them for the check. you do not need to send them a professional thank you card once you receive them since they did not attend.

(according to emily post)

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Posted by latinanyc

I was just wondering if it's bad etiquette to want to know the reason why a guest can't make it to my wedding. I received a decline with a little note with a reason and I thought that was nice. I also have a couple of other RSVP declines that haven't written a note. Is it bad etiiquette to ask why they decline?

I also received a check with one decline. Is it okay to cash now before the wedding (which is in June) and send a thank you after the wedding. I don't even have my thank you cards yet. Or can I e-mail a thank you that I received the check now and send an official thank you card by mail with our wedding picture after the wedding. Not sure what to do here.

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I had wanted to ask some of my guests, but didnt just bc I wouldnt want someone to ask me if I said no.... Its a weird situation...

I would cash the check asap and also send a general ty card right away as well...

I had a similiar situation last year with an old friends wedding (I wasn't going b/c it was a sunday three days before christmas, andi would have had to travel. Plus, I had not seen or spoken to her in months). I politely declined, and said to have a great day blah blah...but didn't write why I couldn't come.
She emailed me (and I have to say, I felt kind of attacked...) So to pretty much sum it up, we no longer speak anymore...

I wouldnt ask, we didnt...it is what it is, if they come great, if they cant then whatevers. They may also be declining for financial reasons, and are embarassed to say thats why they arent attending.

We cashed the checks for the people who sent us gifts and couldnt attend. You dont want to wait to cash them, bc that may throw them off on balancing their checkbooks and stuff ya know? And for us Im sending all thank you's out at once.

Depending on who it is...if it''s a close friend or family I would ask.
As far as the check...yeah cash it now.
I don't like writing personal checks for that reason...I budget for that money to go out and It gets confusing when it comes time to balance the checkbook.