HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

Original post by ErnieJessie

Jul 07, 2011 02:51 AM

Hello Brides and Friends,

I have a very rough situation on my hands. The day after my fiance' and I got engaged, we personally drove to his brothers' homes and asked his brothers' children to be part of our wedding party. It was that day that my beloved sister in law (mother of one of my flower girls) said to me, 'My daughter will be in white, right?' At the time, I must have said yes, but really had NO idea what type of wedding attire I would chose since we had literally just became engaged.

A few months later, at a family party my siser-in-law was thumbing through a dress catalog. She turned to my fiances' older nieces and told them, 'This is the dress I am thinking about getting for *****'. I asked 2 times before she showed ME what she was looking at which was a white dress. So, me being the kind hearted person I am thought nothing of it.

Time past, and I went to the dress store. There I found out that my bridesmaid's dress came in MINI! Alfred Angelo Style #6493MM. I was sold! I immediately e-mailed my sister-in-law (my fiance's brothers wife, please observe this fact) about how happy I was that I found the dress. Here was her response:

'I think having ***** match the bridal party and not the bride is not a good idea. In every wedding party through the centuries flower girls match the bride. I will however, still see the dress you have in mind.'

We spoke on the phone soon after that, and she proceeded to tell me how the dress I chose was too long, too dark (my color is wine) and too mature for her little girl who is 3. She also said that it's one thing to tell the adult girls what to get as bridesmaids, but it's another thing to tell the flower girls what to get. I don't agree with her AT ALL, however to not make an issue I said,
'Ok, well if you are that opposed to this dress, although I am not happy, I will replace *****'s dress with something else, and the other little flower girls I have will wear what I haven chosen already.'

Apparently my sister-in-law did not hear me correctly, or heard what she wanted. She responded in a loud mean voice, 'WHAT???? Is that nice to say to me???This conversation is over!!!!' And she hung up.

So much for that...

The next day she proceeded to tell my 75 year old mother-in-law and 80 year old father-in-law that I KICKED her little girl out of my wedding party!!!

I was not a happy camper.

She also told my fiance in a loud Linda Blair like voice, 'I want to hear you say that you don't want your OWN BLOOD in your wedding party because your obstinate future wife won't compromise.'

I was even more so-not a happy camper.

I feel that my SIL is using her baby daughter as a wedge between her and I and my fiance'. His brother, nor her have not spoken a word to us since this all happened..and that was last October.

Sadly, since then my father-in-law has passed away. This was tragic for all of us and our hearts are broken, Despite his death, they still won't speak with us.

My dilemma is this..my mother-in-law is begging me to change this dress to suit her depute her rude comments. I am lost here..I so miss my what would have been future baby niece.

Any opinions would help.

Thanks!
The Upset Bride

KrisBren2011 Posted: Jul 07, 2011 12:56 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

What does FH say about the dress? I personally would say F*** her...and would not change the dress. She's got some nerve telling you what dress her daughter should wear...it's YOUR wedding..not hers. Your FSIL is a major you know what and someone needs to put her in her place!! LOL

ErnieJessie Posted: Jul 07, 2011 12:57 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

He is very saddened and upset. It is hard for him to believe that his own family (brothers) are being so obstinate. We have had to move our date once already due to health and job issues. He felt that they should be taking away from our already existing stress. Not adding to it.

KrisBren2011 Posted: Jul 07, 2011 12:58 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

Posted by ErnieJessie

He is very saddened and upset. It is hard for him to believe that his own family (brothers) are being so obstinate. We have had to move our date once already due to health and job issues. He felt that they should be taking away from our already existing stress. Not adding to it.

It's a tough situation...but I feel like maybe your FSIL is used to getting what she wants without anyone ever saying anything...?

AudioLoveStory Posted: Jul 07, 2011 01:10 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

Wait, so the other flower girls already ordered the wine colored dress and she wants her daughter to wear something different? That doesn't seem fair at all! I would tell her no, if she wants to be in the wedding she has to match the other flower girls!

dunnkat Posted: Jul 07, 2011 01:32 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

She is wrong , but I think in this case I would change the dress. With the loss of your father in law , it really should be a time when family needs to come together and make amends. Years from now no one will remember what dress she was wearing , but if things are left the way they are the hurt feelings and bitterness will be.

pixietina Posted: Jul 07, 2011 02:17 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

I may sound like a ***** for saying this but I don't think the word family should be about letting them have their way. They are acting like a-holes making up stuff that you never said. I would not compromise anything for the sake of family. Just because people are related doesn't mean you have to put up with their crap. It is almost a year since they talked to them. No matter what you do they may always have bitter feelings. And if you do give in where does this kind of treatment end? Do what's best for you.

Beautyconsultantbk Posted: Jul 07, 2011 03:29 PM

Re: HELP! Sister-In-Law Causing MAJOR Upset

What does your fiancee say about all this?
I would have a serious talk with her and sit her down calmly. I would say im sorry for the misu derstanding between us but you also need to understand i didnt say or do anything wrong. This is my wedding and i choose that dress because thats the way i dreamed of my wedding and bridal party to be like. When you got married im sure you did it your way well i would like the same thing. This is the one day i can honestly say is for me. But i do love the fam ans my niece and if this is going tl cause a wedge between us then forget the dress. Ill put her in white if its that big of a deal. It just upsets me that you would get so mad over something so tiny. But i would like her in the bridal party so ill deal.
You are basically letting her know shes a dumbass for gettin mad and it not up to her but you are the bigger person and ull let it slide for the sake of fam.