HELP - What do you think of you fiance or husband talking to ex's???

(NEEDED TO EDIT THIS SO YOU KNOW - WE HAVE A JOINT CELL PHONE ACCOUNT AND I PAY THE BILL - we went over $300 this month and I wanted to know why, while checking it out I found a $13 phone call to an ex... thats why I continued searching... Its not like I always do that. it is my cell phone bill to my house, to my name... etc)

I am o.k. with it as long as they tell me they called (that way Ill know if its getting out of hand) I trust him and a phone call is not such a big deal to me as long as its not secretive.

Well my fiance has an ex who wants him back.. called 3 times a week until I answered the phone a few months ago. Every month I ask him if she has called, if theyve talked and he said no... (edited to add - the cell phone bill doesnt show when she calls him... he called her these times!) I just checked the phone bill :( He has talked to her at least once a month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( He was like oh I forgot, oh I didnt think it was a big deal etc. Now the conversations were like 4 minutes, 12 minutes.. but still... Do you agree that thats kind of fishy, grounds for discussion, a lie!!?? I dont know what to do.

In all honesty - in our WHOLE relationship I dont think we have ever argued over anything but this girl and the damn phone!!! What would you do? I hung up on him because he started cursing that I was questioning this... Noone is going to curse at me!!! Especially not the one I love!!! Now what????

I don;t think it's right that he calls her and to 'forget' that he has called her in the past- yeah right! I would be very angry! It would be a different story if he told you about the calls and you didn't have to find out this way. I think you both need to sit down and have a long talk. Perhaps it's 'cold feet' since you are getting married and he just needs to feel single or remember his past. I would definately have a talk with him.

I think there are a couple major problems with this--
1. that he called and did not tell you--maybe he even said call me back so it won't show, hence the short calls. You trust that these were the only times they talked, but there isn't much basis for your trust regarding this.

2. that you comb through the cell bill looking for her number. It shows an obvious lack of trust, that unfortunately seems warranted.

3. his screaming profanity at you--to me someone who was not guilty would calmly explain their case, not get so upset, and I personally would slap any guy that ever cursed at me. If you get into a pattern where he can just scream profanity when upset about something, I would consider that verbal abuse...

something is definitely fishy

from a male point of view, you don't 'forget' when you speak to an ex

I wouldn't worry about the ex. I'm still friends with some of my ex's (some married and some not) and I we talk at least once a month and others at least once a week. Its the lying that I would worry about. If he finds the need to lie about something as little as being friends with an ex then what else is he lying about?

If they are just friends then ask to meet her. See what the deal is with her.

I never cared if DH talked to his ex- she has always shown me respect so I can't say a word. When we first started dating I didn't love it but I was still friends with 3 of mine so what could I say! I only asked that he tell me when she called and he always did.

Infact when her mother was dying, she had a friend call our apartment (we were living together) and tell DH what was going on and ask if it would be ok for DH to call, she really wanted to talk to him. I told him you call her right this minute! She needs you and you talk to her. They talked for about 2 hours and her mother died that night. He went to the funeral and I didn't mind.

Ok I am babbling, anyway, I would have an issue with the cover up not the act of talking to her! As long as he is forth right who cares if they talk.

I would definetely have a problem with that! When I first starting dating my FI his ex was still e-mailing him...and I was like what the hell is the point of that? Is she trying to get back with you? I told him to cut ties to her and he did.

IMO you broke up with this person there is no reason to communicate with them anymore.

Especially if this is causing a rift in your present relationship.

Maybe I am a witch with a cap B but this is how it has to be for me.

I would ask him straight out why do you have to lie to me about talking to your ex and why did you curse at me for asking you if you are talking to her.maybe he felt like at that second that you didn't trust him and he felt like he had to yell, but you should tell him that you do trust him but just want him to be honest with you and not lie about it. i do find it fishy and definelty talk to him about I hope you work things out with your Fh keep us updated.

I would definitely have questions. It's one thing if it was a random event, like once every five or six months she happened to call or something. But he's the one making the call and then forgetting about it...hmmmnnn..some red flags are there.

Well he called me up and severly apologized... severly!! He promised he would NEVER call any of his ex's again if that's what I wanted and he said if they call him he will explain how it is making a rift in our relationship and that they should not and will not be talkign anymore.. Then he said he will tell me that they called.. He came up with that all on his own....

I do trust him... I really think he didnt think it was a big deal, he didnt realize I did!! So well see what happens. We never argue - I hate fighting.. He is so good to me, sometimes he just needs a good LOL