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Help! What would you do in this situation??

SIBride06 Posted:

Help! What would you do in this situation??

Hi ladies..

Okay this may be a little long but please bear with me... I need honest answers in this situation. Okay..

My fionces's cousin got engaged last December (They are getting married this coming October). I assumed that she would ask me to be in the bridal party, being that a) she dont have many close friends.. b) Im marrying into the family, therefore I always assumed we considered each other cousins. Were were close at one time.. At the begining of my relationship with my fioncee, the four of us would hang out all the time. After so many years of family get-togethers, considering her a 'friend' instead of a cousin just didnt seem like the norm. Anyway.. i got engaged the followng March and immediately picked out the girls I would want in my bridal party.. with her definately included. (Of course, my fioncee was going to ask his cousin to be in the bridal party)
IMO... I wanted her to walk down the asile with her husband at my wedding.. it just seemed so perfect! Anyway.. to make a long story short.. she never asked me to be in the bridal party. I haven't asked her yet, but honestly, I am so hurt. I know people have there reasons for doing things, and I know its a hard decision to make because no matter what, someone will get offended in one way or another-just like I did. I also know its not worth dwelling on this because it is so not worth it. Bottom line is.. because Im hurt, Im not asking her to be in my bridal party.. i know it sounds spiteful, but, seriously, I cant help how I feel.. especially because I was so sure we would be in each others bridal party.. its so hard to explain this situation.. I guess you have to know the person personally or have it done to you to know exactly how I feel. My fioncee even feels the same way I do.. especially because hes in the wedding, and Im not..

Anyway.. she just wrote an e-mail inviting me to her bachelorette party. I honestly feel insulted because to her, Im good enough to hang out with and spend $$$ for a lavish weekend getway, but Im not good enough to be asked to be in her bridal party. Thats just how I feel , and because I feel this way.. I just dont want to be included in anything.. bachelorette party... rehersal dinner.. yes Im invited to that because her & her fioncee told my fioncee to bring me along. I already know I shouldnt hold this against her, & I know Im being childish about this and I should just grin & bear it, but I really am hurt!!!
Anyhow.. How would you ladies cope with this feeling? My fioncee will be with his cousin on his wedding day, and although I am a part of the family.. I feel like Im being treated as an ordinary guest- I guess what bothers me the most is that I assumed she was going to ask me.. I should have known better.
Kerrycec Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I do understand what you are saying, but you should go to the bachelorette party. Maybe she felt since you were getting married, asking you would have cost some serious $$. Also, maybe she's having a small bridal party for $$ reasons. I do totally understand why you are hurt. I hate when I do one thing, and they never do anything for me. I wouldn't have her in yours, but do participate. Now if you go, then who's the bigger person. Just be there to have fun. Hey, at least you will save $$$.

cindyandkevin Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I know exactly how you feel and no, I don't blame you for your feelings one bit! Last year my cousin was getting married and I also thought she would ask me to be a BM, we were close as kids and our mom's are very close, we do holidays together, etc. So it turns out she didn't ask me, in fact I wasn't even invited to the wedding! Instead she invited co-workers (figuring she needed time off work, and I guess she thought she'd get nicer gifts). I don't understand her reasoning but whatever, what's done is done and now a year later I am still very hurt. I had always planned on having her in my BP but now I don't feel that way anymore. However, I am going to be the bigger person and invite her to the wedding. I wouldn't go to the bachelorette party if you don't want to. My mom was invited to my cousin's wedding and so attended her shower, she was told she could bring me along to the shower so they could meet the minimum. I was soooo offended and refused to go, nobody blamed me. Everyone thought that the whole thing was simply ridiculous!!! And now I'm sad bc I missed out on seeing her on her wedding day, but I know one day she'll realize that she made that mistake.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I can understand why you feel hurt, however like you said, you don't know what her reasons are. Perhaps she is having a small BP.You don't know what the situation is. IMO I think you ARE being childish. If you don't want to ask her to be in your BP, fine, but to say you don't want to be involved in ANYTHING is not right. She thought enough to ask you to come to her bachelorette party, and invited you to her rehearsal dinner. Again, you don't know her reasons for not asking you to be a BM. Maybe you should talk to FH about it, maybe he can clarify things for you.

SIBride06 Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

She is having a large bp and even asked her fioncess brothers 18 year old girlfriend to be in the bridal party..

Now.. does that make sense??

btw.. I am going to the wedding.. i just sont want to be included in any pre-wedding festivities.
buggiegirl Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I don't blame you at all- I would feel the same way!! IMO I wouldn't go to the bach party- i would respond to her email with exactly what you told us- that you feel hurt and etc. It will feel better to get it out!!

Good luck
Thumballina Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I can see how you would be upset...esp considering how close you are...but instead of being upset look at it as something good...that you don't have to spend extra money on a bm's dress that you won't wear ever again, shoes, your hair, the bridal shower gift...etc...

and you are right...I would not want to be included in any 'pre-wedding' festivities...

Its extra money that you can spend towards your day...
glinda_goodwitch Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

Posted by SIBride06

She is having a large bp and even asked her fioncess brothers 18 year old girlfriend to be in the bridal party..

Now.. does that make sense??

btw.. I am going to the wedding.. i just sont want to be included in any pre-wedding festivities.


In that case, I would be very hurt too. I would say go to the rehearsal dinner, because that is for family and it will be nice to show your support. As for the bachelorette party, I always thought of that as girly bonding. And if you are harboring hurt feelings (which you have every right to), then it will probably be very awkward. If you still speak with her on a regular basis, you could tell her how you feel. It will probably be better for your relationship if you get this off your chest.
piyopika Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I totally understand why you are hurt and I am so sorry :(

Can you flat out ask her why? Considering that you felt you were close and she even invited her FI's cousin's gf?

Preshy7 Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

my good friend only had her best friend and 2 sisters in her bp. she is in my bp and i went to her bach party.

i am sure she wanted to keep her bp small
or maybe trying to save you money. either way, i personally wouldnt be that offended.

maybe you can ask her why she didnt include you if it ever came up, but otherwise, if she is important to you, have her in your BP and go to her events. you are going to be family for a long time. i wouldnt let a thing like this mess your relationship up for years to come.

jmho

LaurenluvsTJ Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

I think you should talk to her about it. If you are that close, you should be able to tell her how hurt you are. Maybe she didn't want to put an extra burden on you with your upcoming wedding, and just assumed that you wouldn't want to have the expenses. Ask her, what's the worst that could happen?

angdoceul Posted:

Re: Help! What would you do in this situation??

Same thing happened to me, and 2 years later Im still a little hurt. Now its my turn and whenever she asks me about my wedding plans I just ignore her or change the subject.

I would definitely not got to the bachlorette party. I would make up some excuse like prior plans because you wont enjoy yourself anyway.

Good Luck

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