Ok so me and my boyfriend are going to be paying for the whole wedding.... we were planning on 100 -125 people - we wanted something small..... So we just told his Dad the other day that we are planning a wedding for next year and he was all happy for us and stuff - we aren't officially engaged yet, but that's coming soon.....
Well I go to his dads house because he was going with us to a RH for pricing, he knows the manager so he wanted to come.... anyway - when i get there, his dad is all excited and has a list of approx 30 - 40 'close friends' he plans to invite to the wedding LOL Thats all good and stuff however, me and my boyfriend cannot afford those extra people!
Do you think that his dad plans to help out with the payments or am i wrong here???
I felt like an idiot saying 'ummm whos paying for them because we are broke' LOL
HELP??? What would you do???
wenR
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
I think he should help pay if he's inviting that many people.. But don't assume anything sit down with him and talk about it. I bet that list will get smaller once he finds out he has to pay.
allornil
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
what you need to do is give each group of parents a set amount of people they can invite. explain that bc you can't afford anything over that, anyone extra will be paid by them.
jesstangney
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
I think that the best route would to sit down with your boyfriend, get a ring on that finger (so to speak) first and worry about the rest after ( I waited through almost 2 years of wedding next year talk, even pricing and checking out places). Once that is settled, have a talk with FH and come up with the guest list. 30-40 of FFIL's close friends is a lot unless he is planning on inviting them. My grandfather had a list of 14 that he wanted there (and I likely was going to invite anyway) but he offered & will be paying for them. That convo should be between FH & his father though, try not to step on anyone's toes.... Also, since he knows the manager, he might be thinking he'll get you guys a great deal and with that deal you will be able to have a larger guest list. This is a tough spot! Good Luck!
annabellagirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
He does know that we dont have $$$$$$ - so im assuming that he probably will help us, but its like.... I dont wanna get my hopes up -
If for some reason he doesnt wanna help us, then well - my bf will have to tell him that we are gonna do something small and we cant afford them - bottom line!
UGH im stressed.... this is only the beginning! LOLOL
pjc92980
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
i def think you can talk to him about it. After you get prices of venues and stuff just say your budget is for xx amount and that you included these guests but can not cover his 40 'close' friends and see what he says.
AngnShaun
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
is that on top of the people youre already including from his side of the family? thats A LOT
annabellagirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Posted by jesstangney
I think that the best route would to sit down with your boyfriend, get a ring on that finger (so to speak) first and worry about the rest after ( I waited through almost 2 years of wedding next year talk, even pricing and checking out places). Once that is settled, have a talk with FH and come up with the guest list. 30-40 of FFIL's close friends is a lot unless he is planning on inviting them. My grandfather had a list of 14 that he wanted there (and I likely was going to invite anyway) but he offered & will be paying for them. That convo should be between FH & his father though, try not to step on anyone's toes.... Also, since he knows the manager, he might be thinking he'll get you guys a great deal and with that deal you will be able to have a larger guest list. This is a tough spot! Good Luck!
THANKS! I hear ya! I am not going to be the one to say a word to his dad..... its def not my place. Yea he def will work on getting us a deal, but its still an EXTRA 30 people which as you know adds up!!! As far as the ring, thats coming! We have a date/place all in mind for next year and being that everything books up so quick, this is why we are jumping on the RH part! everything else can fall into place.....
Why cant i be rich?? LOL
Thanks
Melissa1012
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
I gave my dad a certain amount of people that he could invite. I told him that if he chose to go over that number then it was his responsibility to cover the cost of their plates. We also told the same thing to FH's parents. No way is it your responsibility to cover that many of his friends. You and FH need to set a certain amount of people that you are going to allow your parents to invite. After that FH needs to explain to his parents what their alloted number is, and anything over that is their responsibility.
annabellagirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Posted by AngnShaun
is that on top of the people youre already including from his side of the family? thats A LOT
YEP! we have a list of like 125 which is both our families plus close friends.... so his dad wants to invite some close friends and like distant cousins!
Hmmm i do not mind AT ALL - as long as he pays, oh my do i sound like a monster????
poisonivy918
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
I would sit him down and go um are you going to help pay because we cannot afford that. I think family gets so excited sometimes and doesn't realize it's your wedding. years ago I was engaged to someone else and my grandma invited everyone even people she had not even spoken to in like years or even people who had never met me. we had people calling the house going um who are you? lol. since we sent out save the dates.
it got to the point my dad was like this isn't a friend reunion it's her wedding! which means unless the people actually know me they shouldn't be coming. I think that makes sense though it's your wedding do you and fh even know these people? lol. I would tell him to limit it to really close friends, his boss, etc. that's what I'm doing with my dad and he's the one paying! lol. I just don't want to look into the wedding crowd and be like who is that person? lol.
I also want the 100-125 people wedding. it's just more fun and intimate that way. years ago we were gonna have like 200. just craziness to me lol. guess that's why he's now my ex because he just wanted so much craziness unlike my FH now well future FH lol since we aren't engaged either yet. my ex had wanted to invite everyone under the sun to our wedding years ago. I just wanted close friends. I like the more personal smaller wedding much better.
your lucky at least his dad wanted to go to a hall. my parents won't even listen about wedding stuff until a ring is on my finger. though my mom did cave and looked at websites lol. plus I texted her pictures. still though they don't trust people and until we are officially engaged they'd never put money down or even come to a hall with me.
dctead
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Once FH and I got engaged, we sat down and made our list out...
Then handed it to the parents and said, this is who's on it and who we're paying for, and if there is anyone you'd like to add - please feel free to do so, however it will be at your cost...
HopelessRomantic
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Posted by wenR
I think he should help pay if he's inviting that many people.. But don't assume anything sit down with him and talk about it. I bet that list will get smaller once he finds out he has to pay.
ITA
annabellagirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Thanks girls..... I just feel like a beast for being like 'we aint payin for extra people we dont even know' but honestly, we just cant afford anyone extra.....
I get it that his dad wants his friends there and all, but i really hope he plans to help out!
If he doesnt, then we are NOT going to have that a huge wedding, and I swear me & BF will go to vegas and get hitched! LOLOL
poisonivy918
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Posted by annabellagirl
He does know that we dont have $$$$$$ - so im assuming that he probably will help us, but its like.... I dont wanna get my hopes up -
If for some reason he doesnt wanna help us, then well - my bf will have to tell him that we are gonna do something small and we cant afford them - bottom line!
UGH im stressed.... this is only the beginning! LOLOL
welcome to the club of stress lol. I was so stressed last week after a fight with my dad about money for the wedding. years ago I was engaged to someone else and everyone was throwing money. now 3 years later I'm engaged to a much better man and it seems no one wants to throw money or pay FH was even offering to pay for half the wedding instead of an expensive honeymoon but I was like hell no.
I assume my dad will be helping out since he knows we both have no $$$ too. actually I will have to kill my dad if he doesn't lol. just kidding! but I would be so mad at him.
my parents are divorced so it's always some big war. if my dad paid nothing my family would probably ban him from the wedding. *sighs* it'd be like what he's not paying and he thinks he's gonna just come and we pay for him and his part of the family?
I think all parents should be forced to make a wedding trust fund lol. that way everyone gets a nice wedding one day with no stress or these problems.
annabellagirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
LOL I hear ya IVY!
Well cross your fingers - i really hope his dad helps us!
FutureMrsCat050412
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
FMIL had mentioned early on in our engagement that she wanted to invite a bunch of friends and clearly said afterwards that she would pay for them. So we'll see what happens when the time comes. I agree with you 100%.
FH and I both make enough money to keep us comfortable but I def will not be able to afford FMIL's friends & coworkers. I'm not even sure how we are going to pull off the wedding otherwise.
annabellagirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
his dad isnt a cheap person, so i really shouldnt be worried.... I guess its just that I WANT THIS SO BAD!!!! Im being paranoid lol
bella_bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
Posted by dctead
Once FH and I got engaged, we sat down and made our list out...
Then handed it to the parents and said, this is who's on it and who we're paying for, and if there is anyone you'd like to add - please feel free to do so, however it will be at your cost...
This is what we are doing, I think this is the best/safest route to go
JeanetteandMatt
Posted:
Member since
Re: help! who pays for the wedding.....
You certainly shouldn't have to pay for his friends! That's outrageous. Your boyfriend needs to have a talk with his dad and say you plan on keeping it small and if he wants to invite all those people, he's going to have to pay for those guests.
