Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!) UPDATED BELOW!

Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!) UPDATED BELOW!

I need your opinions ladies!!!!!!!!!!!

One of my BMs left me a cell phone voicemail saying that she had some accident at work and hurt her head, and has a bunch of stuff going on with family and stuff ... and she hopes i don't hate her, and she still plans on coming to the wedding, but it doesn't look like she can commit to being in the bridal party.

She is one of my OOT BMs, she lives near Boston. She's a close friend from college/sorority sister that I've stayed in touch with over the years. We don't talk often, but when we do its like nothing has changed. She's always been like an older sister to me. And we just saw eachother over Thanksgiving and had such a great time.

I haven't even started looking at BM dresses yet, so its not like she heard how the dress is and that's her reasoning ...

I'm a little upset about it because I was really hoping she'd be there as a BM, and knowing her the reason she left it on the cell phone was because she was rambling and also wanted me to know as soon as possible. Also, I guess sometimes its hard to get 'bad' news out when you're talking to a machine and not a real person.

Here's what I was thinking of doing:

Sending her an email explaining that of course I don't hate her, and that all I was really hoping for her to do was to come to the wedding and wear the dress I pick.

And since my wedding isn't until November, telling her that she can take some time to think about things and see how they're going for her .... and decide in a couple of months when its time to order BM dresses.

And tell her that I will give her a call in a few days or so, so we can talk about it 'in person'.

How does that sound as a plan???

What would you do????????


UPDATE BELOW

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

It kind of sounds like being a part of the BP would be overwhelming for her at this point. Don't email her. Call her so that you can discuss your idea. See how she responds and take it from there. Good luck!

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

I would definitely call her, not email her. It seems like there is more going on with her then what she said in her vm. She might also feel like she can't commit to the time and money on your shower and bach. party and you don't want the rest of your bridesmaids to be upset with her for not doing her part. Emails are so impersonal and you never know how your words or her response are going to come across and once you send it you have to sit around and wait for a response. If you call her she will be able to hear how upset you are that she backed out and how much you want her in your bridal party and she may reconsider.

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

It sounds like she really has a lot going on and it might be hard on your friendship if you push her. I would call her and discuss it with her, but be prepared for her to remain hesitant. Also, is it possible that she's pregnant and it's too soon for her to give out that news? That happened in a friend of mine's wedding. Either way, good luck!

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

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Posted by mskittynj

I think that you are going to do the right thing! Give her the option if she wants to. It's nice she let you know now!
XOXOXO
Kitty

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This is a great way to approach the situation~

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

I think what you plan on doing is a great idea... I'd call her though, touch base with her via phone. She probably wanted to back out because due to all of the things going on in her personal life, she wouldn't be able to be the active BM that she would want to be. If you still want her as a BM, let her know that you're not concerned with all of the BM activites leading up to your wedding, you just want her to play a special role in the actual day... let her know that you can't imagine your day without her by your side... try not to make her feel bad and don't take it personally if she still backs out.... good luck!

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Hey Jess! I would def call her and give her the option to see how things are going by then. But- just a reminder that maybe she is having financial troubles and dosen't want you to know. It's not like she said she wouldn't be at the wedding. Everyone knows how much responsibility it is being in a bridal party. It's not just the dress. It's the dress, shoes, undergarments, hair, make-up, batchelorette party, shower, shower gift. And even if you don't expect that from her the other people in the BP would. I think she is politely trying to back out of the party. I wouldn't try to get to the heart of the matter but just give her the option and be supportive that if she decided no that it would be OK. Good luck girl and let us know what happens!

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Call her but don't pressure her. If she feels the need to back out let her. No guilt trips or anything she prob feels bad enough. It may be sad that she is not in it but it is better to not have her then to force her to be in it. If her heart is not in it it won't be the same anyway. Sorry bout the BM troubles and good luck

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

I think u should call her and tell her tat ur ok with her desicion but that if she were to change her mind she was still allowed to be a part of ur wedding

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

If this accident was recent, perhaps she's reacting to the millions of things that she feels are going on right now in her life. Maybe when she calms down she'll see that her decision was silly.

I would call her saying that you got her message and although you don't hate her, you are disappointed that she isn't going to be a part of your day in a special way. Offer her some time to rethink and she what she says. Maybe if she hears just how important it is to you for her to be in your bridal party, then she'll change her mind. OR, maybe if you hear why she is making this decision you will somewhat understand where she's coming from. Hope this helps!

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

There definitely seems like there is a lot more going on. Call her and talk to her. You will be able to judge by her tone of voice how she is feeling too. It could be a financial thing or something else. Definitely give her the option to bail without feeling guilty though. It will be easier if she drops out sooner than later if that is what will happen.

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!)

UPDATE:

A big and a big thank you to everyone for responding to my cry for help!

I talked it over with my mom tonight too, to get her opinion.

This is what I ended up doing:

I sent an email to my BM telling her that of course I don't hate her, and telling her that I'm worried about her and that I hope she is ok and to please keep me updated on how she is doing.

I haven't mentioned anything about her being in the BP ... just that I hope she is doing ok.

She won't be home tonight, and I won't be home tomorrow night. But I will call her on Friday when I get home from work and talk to her about how she's doing and about the whole situation.

As some of you girls said, I don't want to guilt her into being a BM if its not what she wants. At this point I have enough time to eventually replace her if I wanted to. But it would be much worse for everyone if I guilted her into it and then she has to back out closer to the wedding after dresses are ordered, etc.

So I will tell her how I feel, and listen to how she feels, and give her the option of taking some time to decide what she wants to do. And if she doesn't want to be in the BP, then maybe she can do a reading or something during the ceremony. I want her to make the decision that is best for her.

I will keep you updated after I speak to her ....

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!) UPDATED BELOW!

Re: Help with BM ... (sorry its long ... please read!) UPDATED BELOW!