Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Original post by OctGroom

Jul 15, 2004 04:33 PM

sometimes at work, two female colleagues referred to me respectively as 'honey' and 'darling' and other names as such.

i know them.. and I like them from what I do know about them.. but I don't know them socially or really ever talk to them in depth, let's say. I didn't mind though. (As far as I'm concerned, I'm already a married man.)

Question raised --

In the strictest definition of sexual harassment, would this qualify?

And would it be if the roles were reversed..

I submit the question to you.....

In my opinion.. the answer is NO. it's not.

But if the roles were reversed.. it might be much more risky.

TP&SH82506 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 07:57 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

i feel its not just what people say that can be harassment--- its how, and the way they say it. if they were grabbing your butt, or winking with a smoochie face, then i would think you have a case. I had a male patient at my office who called me sweetheart, i got annoyed and wanted to say hey i got a name-read the tag, but just kinda blew it off instead.. harassment can be a dangerous thing to accuse someone of... it can harm you more in the future than benefit you,.

bxgell2 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 08:10 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Speaking from a legal perspective, no, it doesn't constitute harassment on either side of the fence... as someone said, the harassment has to be so egregious that it creates a hostile work environment... meaning... it really has to interfere with your work...

Butterflybride Posted: Jul 15, 2004 08:10 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Sadly enough, I think if you were to call one of them 'honey' and so on that it would be considered sexual harassment. Mainly because woman have filed for it for being called such before. I don't know if a man has ever filed for being sexually harassed for being called 'honey' before, or at least not nearly as many men as woman have filed for it

danigirl0 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 08:26 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

also, doesnt the person have to say something, like please dont talk that way to me first before it can be harrassment (if it continues)

also, maybe because im a teacher, i end up calling a lot of people honey or sweetie, because thats what pops out of my mouth. i know i risk sounding like a cheese ball or biotch to some people, but i cant help it.

at least i dont say it like i would to a 2 year old

matron Posted: Jul 15, 2004 09:13 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

I agree that it's all about the manner in which it's said.

swags1016 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 09:15 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

I am a bad one, in the beginning of the year I refer to most of my students as sweetie, until I know their names or their Spanish names, but with a 150 kids they are sweetie for the first 4 weeks.

OSCARtheGROOM Posted: Jul 15, 2004 09:38 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Posted by ChristineC68

If the behaviour made you uncomfortable then it is harrassment.

I agree!!!

heidla Posted: Jul 16, 2004 12:49 AM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

I am from the south where everybody is sweetie, sugar,honey,darling,etc. I have to admit that I do use these terms at my bar all the time. I grew up thinking of saying that equal to Miss or Sir, but for the younger people. I never say it to people that I don't like.

Anyway to answer your question no. Maybe it is because I have worked in bars and theatre for so many years or my upbringing, but I don't ever think of those terms as harassment.
Now if you call me Bar Wench look out!!!!! But then I would probably be doing the harassing.

marymoon Posted: Jul 16, 2004 06:38 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

I tooka whole class on this. It depends on the context. I had bosses who called me 'honey and sweetie', and they also told me that I was supposed to wear skirts to work (when no one else did), and they basically left me to entertain young male customers and downloaded porn to my computer on my days off...

In this case, i think they're just trying to be nice, or they just call everyone that. For it to be hostile environment it has to be pervasive and, I can't think of the legal term for the toher thing, but damaging or disruptive in some way. Them calling you sweetie is hardly an indication of anything pervasive. Also, you wouldn't have any legal discourse unless you had asked them to stop. It goes the same for man to woman.

Maribelle7777 Posted: Jul 16, 2004 08:16 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Well I guess it depends on how they say it.

If they use it as a 'speech crutch' (like how people say 'um' alot) or they call others honey/darling too, I would say it's not harassment.

If they say it in such a way as to be flirtatious, then you could consider it to be, I guess?

I don't know the law though so I don't know how the law defines things like that.

What I do know is that if it bothered me I would ask them not to say it to me. If they kept doing it, then that's harassment. I would tell them again (nicely but firmly) not to call me those names. If it didn't stop then I would complain.

But if it doesn't bother you then I can't see why it would be harassment.

I know I didn't answer this very well but I guess it's more of a grey area where this type of thing happens.

ChristineC68 Posted: Jul 16, 2004 10:21 PM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Mary I think you addressed it perfectly. Being called honey or sweetie can be completely innocent and in most cases it is. But, like you said, if someone doesn't like it and ask the person to stop saying and they don't it becomes harrassment.

The laws protecting people in the work place are so broad. If I open a co-workers desk drawer and he has playboy and it offends me, I have the right to make a complaint.

HearzBellz Posted: Jul 17, 2004 09:54 AM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Posted by don424

i agree if you did the same, it'd be harassment

i'd have to agree. But it also depends on what you do.....When I was a bartender I called everyoine 'hun' or 'babe' b/c I saw so many people in a night that I would forget their names....it just became habit even with my co-workers (mutually).

I think in a more 'professional' atmosphere it is not OK.

cocoa Posted: Jul 17, 2004 10:07 AM

Re: Here's a question for you.... (potentially controversial!)

Posted by Stavia

I have to admit, I call all my employees honey, sweetie, etc. I never would mean it offensively & a matter of fact I mention during almost all of my new hire orientation. I always tell them that anything that makes them feel uncomfortable is sexual harassment(this statement comes from my corporate office, but I totally support it) & that I have a habit of calling people honey & sweetie, so if they are ever offended, just tell me & I'll stop. Noone who works for me has ever taken it offensively, but I do realize it is considered a bad habit. For me, its a learned habit, my grandmother raised me & have you ever realized how many people your grandmother calls honey or sweetie? Well, my grandmother called everyone that. LOL!

exactly. i work in a restaurant and we all say it to one another. rather than finding it harassing, i find it endearing. almost old fashioned, not sexual in any way. there are a lot of other words out there that i can lable as harassing and honey or sweetie aren't them.