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Posted by eroxgirl
I personally believe I would beat him to death before leaving him, but that aside I would leave because I can't forget and I'm not nice enough to forgive.
Posted by palebride
I don't think I have the esteem necessary to forgive cheating. It would break me and I don't think I could even trust the person again.
I can't even try to answer that question, not knowing where life will bring me and FH 5, 10, 20+ years from now. Obviously I would never want to imagine him cheating under any circumstances, with a stranger or co-worker or whatever, but I've always believed (notwithstanding sex addicts and unique cases like that), that cheating is a symptom of a much bigger problem, and therefore I would owe it to myself, my marriage, and my children to figure out how things got to that point and whether the issues can be worked out (with full participation from both sides) before I called it quits. With that in mind, I do think I could forgive him, as long as he has the will to go to counseling or do whatever was needed to mend the relationship.
One of the main ingredients to a successful marriage is Trust. Therefore no.. If my DH ever cheated on me our relationship would be over. I could never forgive that. The trust would be shattered and I could not imagine staying together and wondering if it would happen again. I am not the kind of person to forget things. But I do have a friend that is going through this right now with her husband of two years. He cheated, claims only flirted but her family secretly hired a private detective and caught him. Well, she moved out for a while and they were going to counciling and are somewhat trying to rebuild. But when I see them together, I just get sick thinking about my friend who is an amazing, beautiful and intelligent woman and how she could possibly give him a second chance. I would always be thinking in the back of my mind where he was and was he cheating on me. I guess it takes a really strong person to forgive and rebuild if this ever happened. And I guess its a totally different ballgame if your actually put in the situation!!
Posted by fashionhag
Posted by september2004
i have a question for you - are your parents together or divorced? my mom and i had a debate regarding views towards marriage from children whose parents are sill together and those whose parents are divorced... i am a big 'never say never' person and thought this view was strange given my background but my mom argued that it was in line with what she believes...
My mother and father were never married and he never lived with us. He was actually married to someone else when he had an affair with my mother. She married several men, one of which abused me very badly from the time I 8 until I was about 13. My mother abused me as well.
So I don't know exactly where I get my views from. I just feel that marriage is truly until death do you part and I would at least try to work through it. The only thing for me that is NOT NEGOTIABLE is physical abuse.
But I also feel the divorce rate is so high because people don't work on their marraiges. They expect them to be perfect, but when things get rough, they just walk away. I am not talking about cheating per se, but in general.
Posted by september2004
sorry to hear![]()
coming from parents who are still together, i find my view 'never say never' strange. my mother doesn't because she tends to think (totally generalizing) that children whose parents are divorced in some ways take their time and are less likely to go into marriage carefree as they would never want to repeat what has happened to them... mom says my 'never say never' is easy to say because i have not experienced the hurt that goes along with some divorces...
Posted by kiwijonze
I can't even try to answer that question, not knowing where life will bring me and FH 5, 10, 20+ years from now. Obviously I would never want to imagine him cheating under any circumstances, with a stranger or co-worker or whatever, but I've always believed (notwithstanding sex addicts and unique cases like that), that cheating is a symptom of a much bigger problem, and therefore I would owe it to myself, my marriage, and my children to figure out how things got to that point and whether the issues can be worked out (with full participation from both sides) before I called it quits. With that in mind, I do think I could forgive him, as long as he has the will to go to counseling or do whatever was needed to mend the relationship.
Posted by fashionhag
Posted by september2004
sorry to hear![]()
coming from parents who are still together, i find my view 'never say never' strange. my mother doesn't because she tends to think (totally generalizing) that children whose parents are divorced in some ways take their time and are less likely to go into marriage carefree as they would never want to repeat what has happened to them... mom says my 'never say never' is easy to say because i have not experienced the hurt that goes along with some divorces...
Well when there are children involved, the situation gets increasingly more damaging. The mental torment to a child that goes along with it is, possibly, not worth the divorce. But that still depends on the people involved. It doesn't have to be a horrendous experience.
Posted by kiwijonze
I've always believed (notwithstanding sex addicts and unique cases like that), that cheating is a symptom of a much bigger problem, and therefore I would owe it to myself, my marriage, and my children to figure out how things got to that point and whether the issues can be worked out (with full participation from both sides) before I called it quits. With that in mind, I do think I could forgive him, as long as he has the will to go to counseling or do whatever was needed to mend the relationship.
Posted by fashionhag
Julz, I think we all know your answer. LOL!
For me it isn't so much the trust issue... of course, trust is integral... but the reason why I don't think I could continue with someone who cheated on me is, because for me, it boils down to respect. If my husband doesn't have enough respect our marriage or me, by resisting temptation, then the marriage is useless. I've been in several very long-term relationships, and yes, I was tempted... but the moment I really felt like it could happen, I immedately ended it with my significant other because I knew it was such disrespect to go through with it while we were together... if it ever came to that point where I was really tempted by someone, I would hope that I would recognize that it signifies more about the breakdown of our marriage, and seek help or talk with my hubby about it before doing anything on impulse...
