hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

CubanBride Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:12 PM

hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

After the earlier post, I feel I need to ask here and it is somewhat wedding related I guess.

Julz, I think we all know your answer. LOL! But for the rest of you, do you feel cheating in a marraige can be forgiven?

Let me make myself very very clear. By this question, I mean a one night stand with a random unknown person and it is completely against the character of the cheater.

For me, I cannot say definitively, but I would definitely try to forgive the person. Key word here is TRY.

Kriss2c Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:15 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Can it be forgiven, I suppose so.... by people much stronger than myself.

If I were cheated on, I would have to end the marriage/relationship. I would expect too that if the shoe were on the other foot, FH would do the same.

Bebalina Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:15 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

In a marriage? Heavens NO! In a marriage...no

Nessa79 Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:16 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

definitely not

patti08 Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:17 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

For me cheating can never be forgiven. Luckily he feels the same.

aug04bride Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:18 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

No. That behavior is wreckless and risky. Anyone that would endanger both of us has to go. I know it's easy for me to say having not been through it because it's hard to turn your back on all that you have BUT I feel very strongly about this commitment and would have a huge problem with it.

BlondeJD Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:18 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Nope. I told FH that if he ever cheats, I'm walking. I don't care how long we've been married, whether we have kids, nothing. I'm out. He said he would forgive me if I cheated, but he's Mr. Perfect so of course he'd say something like that.

BriBri529 Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:19 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

NEVER

hbradio Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:20 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

NOPE

palebride Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:21 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

I don't think I have the esteem necessary to forgive cheating. It would break me and I don't think I could even trust the person again.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:23 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by aug04bride

No. That behavior is wreckless and risky. Anyone that would endanger both of us has to go. I know it's easy for me to say having not been through it because it's hard to turn your back on all that you have BUT I feel very strongly about this commitment and would have a huge problem with it.

This is a great answer.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:23 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by palebride

I don't think I have the esteem necessary to forgive cheating. It would break me and I don't think I could even trust the person again.

I like this answer too.

CubanBride Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:25 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

hmmm, lots of no's. maybe I'm a freak then.

endlessluv429 Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:26 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

fh & I both believe that divorce is not an option......unless there is adultery involved. the trust and commitment is broken and although it can be forgiven, it cannot and will not be forgotten.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:27 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by fashionhag

hmmm, lots of no's. maybe I'm a freak then.

i think a better question might be...has anyone ever been tempted? has anyones significant other been tempted...has anyone acted in a manner that may have been inappropriate though not actually unfaithful...

CubanBride Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:31 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by BMD'sPeanut
i think a better question might be...has anyone ever been tempted? has anyones significant other been tempted...has anyone acted in a manner that may have been inappropriate though not actually unfaithful...

I think everyone has been tempted. Not me, yet, but everyone else wants me. LOL Ok..just kidding. But it seems as if all the guys who hit on me have signifanct others and I have been through that once, many years ago and it was a bad decision then. But I have learned and will ever get involved in that way again.

september2004 Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:35 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by fashionhag

hmmm, lots of no's. maybe I'm a freak then.

i have a question for you - are your parents together or divorced? my mom and i had a debate regarding views towards marriage from children whose parents are sill together and those whose parents are divorced... i am a big 'never say never' person and thought this view was strange given my background but my mom argued that it was in line with what she believes...

bridzilla Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:36 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by endlessluv429

fh & I both believe that divorce is not an option......unless there is adultery involved. the trust and commitment is broken and although it can be forgiven, it cannot and will not be forgotten.

Yeah, it's the forgetting that is a problem.

CubanBride Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:45 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by september2004
i have a question for you - are your parents together or divorced? my mom and i had a debate regarding views towards marriage from children whose parents are sill together and those whose parents are divorced... i am a big 'never say never' person and thought this view was strange given my background but my mom argued that it was in line with what she believes...

My mother and father were never married and he never lived with us. He was actually married to someone else when he had an affair with my mother. She married several men, one of which abused me very badly from the time I 8 until I was about 13. My mother abused me as well.

So I don't know exactly where I get my views from. I just feel that marriage is truly until death do you part and I would at least try to work through it. The only thing for me that is NOT NEGOTIABLE is physical abuse.

But I also feel the divorce rate is so high because people don't work on their marraiges. They expect them to be perfect, but when things get rough, they just walk away. I am not talking about cheating per se, but in general.

eroxgirl Posted: Jul 14, 2004 04:49 PM

Re: hmmm, a spinoff from another post regarding cheating...

Posted by fashionhag

hmmm, lots of no's. maybe I'm a freak then.

I really don't think you're a freak for feeling that way. There are a lot of people who feel the same way you do. I think there's a difference between the ideal and the reality, and at this stage in the lives of most of LIW's members, we're at the ideal. This is not to say that I would forgive him. I personally believe I would beat him to death before leaving him, but that aside I would leave because I can't forget and I'm not nice enough to forgive.

I know of other situations where one spouse cheated, got busted, there was talk of divorce and then they resolved the issue. Another friend of mine told me, essentially, that she wouldn't end her marriage because of infidelity because she doesn't believe in divorce. A third person I know told me she believes ALL men cheat - and this is a person who has never been cheated on, nor has she seen that in her immediate family, but outside. When she marries, she won't leave her husband for infidelity either.