How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

I'm so disapointed/mad right now.

Just about every year for the last 10 or so my family goes up to Mohonk in New Paltz for Mother's Day to walk the grounds, eat lunch, go on the rowboats, have afternoon tea and relax & then we come home. FI was here when my dad was over & booked it. He said my parents would really enjoy that. So we booked his parents to come & they were fine with it & we paid in full last week.

Last night (Sat) Ray comes home from work & says I'm not talking to my parents, I'm beyond mad. He then tells me that his parents aren't going. HIs mom wants to talk to him when 'they are alone.'

Ray asked if it was about my parents or not getting along & she said it has nothing to do w/ Cindy's family.

Ray said mom I hope you understand C's family will never call you to make plans or do anything again, if you want to see them you'll have to initiate.

THEN I realize Ray's staying w/ his mom today (b/c he said he'd hear that for the next 20yrs how he 'abandoned' his mom on MD.)

Well I'm almost in tears at that point & realize we're paying over $200. for people NOT going!!! NICE when we are saving for a wedding. Also to be w/o my baby all day.

Ray said he's in the middle & feels he can't win all around (which I agree) & I'm not mad at him.

But at times I feel its like his mom doesn't like when she doesn't have the final say on things.

I gotta run b/c he's waking up. But I feel sad that I'm going up there w/o my baby & am beyond mad at his mom. I really don't even want to see her. It's like she distancing our families at the worst possible time.

She couldn't have told us weeks ago?!

THANKS for listening ladies.

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

is there a reason she's doing this? does she get along with your family?

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

aw, I 'm sorry Cindy! Like you said, why did she wait until yestersday to tell Ray? Hopefully as time goes on she will be more understanding that Ray has a life outside of her and that she has to learn how to make compromises. Isn't it funny when things like this happens it helps us to appreciate our mothers even more? Try to have a good day...it sounds like a great get away!

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Im so sorry that your FMIL was so inconsiderate to do something like that. Everyone made plans, its his mother's fault to decide not to go and its wrong for her to expect him not to spend time with you after you had already made plans together and instead be with her.(hope that makes sense?) The money thing would annoy me too. I understand its mother's day and he should be spending sometime with herl but jeez, you dont go and ruin plans that have been set for sometime now. I am reallly sorry that she did that and I do hope that you have a great time with your parents on this mother's day. Just think, you are getting married to him, therefore there are many more Mother's days to spend together. His mom is just selfish.

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

It's a horrible situation, and as lousy as this sounds, your FH is making the right decision staying w/ his Mom. You love him, and although you're PISSED, you realize deep down that he SHOULD be w/ his Mom today, and you can forgive that...whereas his Mother will be EXTREMELY devastated if he missed MD w/ her...(even if she is a major witch.)

Try and have a pleasant trip w/ your family Cin = you'll remember those moments forever.

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Cindy, That is absolutely horrible especially since your parents put out money for this. I am so sorry that this happened.



(Don't worry I will not mention this to my Mom...whatever happens on LIW stays on LIW you have my word )

I hope things get better for you

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

I'm sorry that you're disappointed. They really should have cancelled their plans sooner. But maybe you should wait to see why they cancelled before you get mad. Your FMIL said she had to talk to you FH alone, so maybe it was something really important that she had to tell him and they wanted to have the family alone for that. While you have every right to be disappointed, I would wait to be really mad until you know the whole story. But then if it is just that she didn't want to share her mother's day celebration, be mad...really mad!! Good luck.

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Oh Cindy, I'm so sorry to hear this crappy news. I would be beyond upset myself.....you would think at this time the parents would want to be together, get to know one another, etc. It's a shame that you layed out all of that money while saving for your wedding and then all of a suddent they aren't going and your poor FI feels obligated to stay with his Mom. That's some mess! His parents should compensate you the money that you laid out for them, since it was their choice not to go. Atleast they should be apologizing to you and your family. I feel for you. Try to take it easy and have a good time!! I know, easier said than done!!

Marissa

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

It seems like his mother is having isssues with the wedding, if you ask me. She might be feeling like she's losing her son and doesn't want to spend time with your family because of it. I aggree that your FI should spend the day with his mom to keep the peace, but it's awful that they couldn't have said something before you shelled out the money for them. Relationships between both sets of parents are sometimes weird. While my parents get along with my FI's parents, I don't see them getting together on their own. The important thing is to make sure this doesn't affect you and your FI. Understanding that the parental relationship is not going to be 100% perfect will put less expectation and hopefully avoid any fighting between you and your guy. But it seems like you're both handling it well, which is good. to you Cindy! Hope you enjoy your day the best you can.

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

So sorry Cindy! Try and cheer up! Remember we're here for you!

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

You girls are the best. It meant a lot to me to come home & hear all your well wishes and sincere comments.


We did have a wonderful day & I found out terrific news...my SIL & brother are expecting....AGAIN!!! She's due in November. The new baby & Katie will be 1 year apart!

I think what ALL of you said is true....he is an only child & his mom is very close with him so I think she does feel like she's losing him. Although our parents do get along well & have gotten together for BBQ's & such in the past, I don't know if they'd truly make plans to get together outside of us.

I think I was mainly hurt b/c I really was looking forward to spending the day with Ray & also showing him this special place my family has been going to for 20 years. I know Ray was put in a hard place & he was mad yesterday. He told them don't ever expect me to plan anything with you guys again, I'll never surprise you & if you expect to do something w/ Cindy's parents you can call them yourselves.

I'm not jumping the gun, he's not home YET (URRRRRR) but I want to see what his mom had to say.

Looking back now too she is prob. hurt b/c since he moved out a month ago we've gone there weekends, but have been really busy & he hasn't seen her that much.

In any respect though she definitely should have told us at least a few days b4, so we wouldn't lose the money & so my parents wouldn't have expected them & so I could have made alternate arrangements meeting my parents, bro/SIL.

But thank you ladies so much.....I don't know what I'd do without you!!!!



Kathleen---thanks, I'd appreciate keeping it SHHHH!

Cindy

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

I am so glad your day went well anyway!! I grew up near Mohonk and it holds alot of memories for me as well.

I think your FMIL is probably just having issues getting used to the idea that you guys are getting narried. Not that it makes it right, but...

I think she at least owes you and your family an apology!!

Happy you made the best of it

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

Aww, I'm so sorry!! Really glad you had a good day with you family tho, and congrats on the great news!! It's good that Ray used the time to express his feelings towards his mom. You're absolutely right to be mad, it's just plain rude what she did. I understand her reasons for not wanting to go out on Mom's Day but she certainly could've filled you in on that prior to 9pm the night before! That's what I would be most upset about. In the meantime, try to involve her in the wedding more just to try and avoid things like this in the future.

Re: How Could She-------vent--LONG--but URRR

I'm sorry about your FMIL putting you through all that but at least you had a good time with your family.