with my grandmother telling my guests that they are allowed to bring a date - when they weren't invited with one???
Here's the story (sorta long - but I'll try to make it short):
FH and I wanted to keep our wedding 'small' so we contracted a room that holds no more than 195 people (210 pushing it)...
So what we did was considering that my FH and I have a TON of cousins who range btwn 18 and 33 - all neither married, nor engaged, nor in a relationship - we did not invite them with a guest - the basic rule (for us) was if they are not married, engaged or in a LONG relationship, we can't include guests... W/O their guests included we were at 193 invited... (again, WITHOUT '& guests' included). If we were to include the '& guests' it would be 240 people...
At this point, financially, with our list we are praying that 45 people say no - so we don't go over our contracted min. of 150... (BTW: FH and I are paying for entire wedding)
So fast forward to two weeks ago - I send out the invites to everyone... My cousins (who are 21 and 18) are dating girls who are 19 and 16 respectively... The older cousin b*tches to my g'ma that it's unfair that his and his brother's g/fs weren't invited. (SIDE NOTE - they're lucky to be invited... with the cr@p they've pulled on my family... another story). My g'ma calls me and freaks out on me telling me that I'm being selfish and rude not to invite them with guests - that they've been going 'steady' with these girls for a couple of months (MONTHS!!! not years!!!)
She continues to tell me that SHE told my cousins that everything will be fine that SHE'S allowing them to bring their g/fs and they just need to call me to tell me that they're bringing them!!! OMG - She's now taking it upon herself to invite additional people.
So, last night my cuz calls me all sweet-as-pie () and buttering me up to tell me that he wants to know why he and his brother weren't invited with their g/f (the B@LLZ on that kid!!!)... so I calmly explained the situation (no one was invited with guests b/c of room and finances)... his response... 'Nanny told me that it's OK to bring our g/fs'...not even listening!!!
I find out this AM that my uncle (not the father of those cousins) got involved and flipped on my other uncle (the father) and my g'ma and told them to stay out of this - that it's not THEIR day and to respect us... to no avail - guess who calls me this AM... my g'ma... b*tchin' me out AGAIN!!!
So before this gets any longer - and I get more p*ssed: WHAT DO I DO!?
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by mcclj74
Posted by weddingbunny
seems like you've already tried to be nice and explain things, and it didn't work, so I think now it's time to be blunt.
I know it's really hard to be firm with family sometimes, but I think you need to just say 'look, I already explained to you that we can't accommodate extra guests due to the size of the room and our finances, so either you come alone, or you don't come, and if you come with a date anyway, then you'll need to either pay for her dinner yourself, or she'll sit on the floor and starve. End of story.'
I mean, maybe not in those exact words, but I think it's time to be a little blunter and firmer and just remember that there are people in your family who DO support your decision here and love you.
love how you put that
I think I just might use those exact words!
ChristineAaron08
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
The no guest for non-married/engaged/ in relationship rule is 100% an option that every etiquette book, site, whatever mentions. It is your option. If you make an acception for your cousins, then everyone else will want the exception. I would try to talk to your grandma and let her know the sutuation.
B22
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
sure... they can come... as long as they give you twice as much for a gift
(I kidd of course...)
god that is a tough situation b/c g'mas are BALLSY... but HEY its YOUR wedding and you cant afford it otherwise. plain and simple.
my g'ma made a big stink about my sister not inviting my teenage cousins to her wedding so i was FORCED to... suffice to say-- they havent been invited with guests.
B22
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by gettinghizitched
When you invite a guest you have to put 'and guest' on the card that's just the way that goes.
ehhhhh WRONG!
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by carolinep24
ehhhhh WRONG!
Oh man! You crack me up - at least I'm smilin'...
B22
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by soon2BMrsDee
Posted by carolinep24
ehhhhh WRONG!
Oh man! You crack me up - at least I'm smilin'...
people are different, you know? Etiquette is different in different circumstances...
different. (just had to say it again)
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by weddingbunny
Posted by gettinghizitched
Well first off I never heard of telling a guest that they can't bring a guest because they are neither married, engaged, nor in a relationship that just doesn't make sense. When you invite a guest you have to put 'and guest' on the card that's just the way that goes. It's one thing to not invite someone but it's another thing to tell someone that they can't bring a guest. The only way you can do that is if for an example your grandma's husband died you wouldn't put and guest on her invite. Sorry but that's the way it goes. There really is no way to fix this because if you tell them no they will bring there guests anyway.So I think if you really need the space than just tell them that they come alone or they don't come at all. I hope that this helps you.
no offense, but that's not 'the way it goes.'
maybe it was at one point... but these days not everybody can afford to do that and still invite all the people they want to invite. you invite who you invite - it's your wedding, not a random party for everybody to get drunk at.
Well said, weddingbunny! It's your wedding, and you are allowed to invite whomever you want, with or without guests. If someone's not married, not engaged and not seriously dating, inviting a guest would be like paying for someone you don't know - well, it is! Those invited without guests should be happy to come to celebrate your union wihtout a guest -- they are there to celebrate with the two of you, not to have a good time with the hot date of the week.
B22
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
another laugh for you...
Jackie012100
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
That is a sticky situation. I would tell them to take it or leave it..or...have your g'ma pay for all the extra '&guests' that weren't invited.
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
caroline, that is hysterical.
klanghan
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
I know its your grandma, but I would be mad!!!
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by carolinep24
another laugh for you...
OH MY GOD! Is that Jean Claude Van Damme???
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
And it looks like Mario Lopez in the back right corner!!! Where the heck did you find this?!
firesign75
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by cookiemonster
Basically the rule I followed was quite similar to yours - if they weren't married, engaged, living with someone, or in a long-term serious relationship where I had met the person, they were invited with a guest. The only exceptions were a few friends who I didn't think would know that many people and might not have any fun if they were there alone. Like you, if I gave everyone the +1 option, I'd be broke. So since it sounds like your cousins all know each other, they can s*ck it up and just hang out with their family for one day. This should totally not be your problem!! Can you ask your mom or an uncle or something to intervene so you don't have to deal with this?
I used the same rule of thumb. And my Best Friend (MOH) told me she was upset I didn't invite single people over 18 with a guest she says it's not proper ediquitte(?) Well let me tell you my MOH hasn 't had a boyfriend in like 7 years. I simply explained to her that she knows I have a large family and I am not inviting people with a guest just so they can have some eye candy for the night and someone to dance the slow dances with the reception is too large and too expensive. Why should I invite someone with a guest who I don't know when their are plenty of people on my 'B' list who I want to be there and have no room.
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
Posted by firesign75
Posted by cookiemonster
Basically the rule I followed was quite similar to yours - if they weren't married, engaged, living with someone, or in a long-term serious relationship where I had met the person, they were invited with a guest. The only exceptions were a few friends who I didn't think would know that many people and might not have any fun if they were there alone. Like you, if I gave everyone the +1 option, I'd be broke. So since it sounds like your cousins all know each other, they can s*ck it up and just hang out with their family for one day. This should totally not be your problem!! Can you ask your mom or an uncle or something to intervene so you don't have to deal with this?
I used the same rule of thumb... I am not inviting people with a guest just so they can have some eye candy for the night and someone to dance the slow dances with the reception is too large and too expensive. Why should I invite someone with a guest who I don't know when their are plenty of people on my 'B' list who I want to be there and have no room.
EXACTLY!!!
mcclj74
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Re: How do I deal... LONG VENT - SORRY!!
i cant believe that people think its improper not to invite people with guests - this is a wedding people - not a block party - its supposed to be for you and close family members....not any random person - so you dont have to invite a person and their guest! i am sorry but this is 2007 - wake up!
