How do I respond to this? Help me!

I just got a text from one of my roomates from college. Her FH is having his bachelor party the weekend of my wedding so she wants to know if she can bring one of my other roomates as her guest instead.

Here's the thing....I have over 300 people on my guest list when I want only 200 there (yeah, I know...good luck with that!). The reason the other roomate isn't invited is b/c she decided to alienate herself for years from all of us and now has re-entered the picture. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl, but if I felt so compelled to have her at my wedding I would send her an invitation.

Quite frankly, I'm trying to keep the guest list down, and I don't feel like paying for some random to be her date. Now, how can I say that in diplomatic terms as not to offend either girl? The invites aren't out yet so it's not like I can say 'I didn't invite you with a guest, I invited you with FH'. Its kind of a sticky situation b/c I have other single girlfriends who will probably be bringing random dates but I feel like I would not be pleased if they decided to have their best girlfriend from high school escort them, ya know?

Can I say 'Don't worry! Our other single college friends will be there.' That kind of passively says no without directly saying no. Help me!

Oh hey, That's a tough one. I would start with the passive approach and see if that works. If she doesn't get it. Then you'll have to decide on a second corse of action. Then either let it go or you would have to outright tell her, no. It would depend on how you think she would take it and how important it is to you. Good luck. Just what you need, more stress. Sorry.

You may want to delicately explain to her that this other person wasn't invited and you'd feel awkard having her there. I just hope she doesn't think she should bring someone else since this old college friend can't tag along with her.
I know that I told people that I would let them know after all the RSVPs came back whether they could bring a guest. Would that help you stall a little so you can be considerate even though you know that you will veto the guest?

P.S.
Why are people so difficult?

wow that is a toughie hun, sorry i'm awful at being a stickler to people but here are some maybe someone else can help!

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Posted by AeroJenn

I'm going to be perfectly honest here and say you dont. You invited her with a guest. Its pretty much up to her discretion as to who she brings as her guest. I can totally understand you not wanting her roomate there, but i dont know if i agree with telling her no. She was invited with a guest and telling her who she can and cant bring is kind of out of place.

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I agree with her as well. You invited your friend and she probably assumes that this will be fine because you did invite her as a guest.

Just be honest with her...remember this is your weddind

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Posted by ETAB

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Posted by AeroJenn

I'm going to be perfectly honest here and say you dont. You invited her with a guest. Its pretty much up to her discretion as to who she brings as her guest. I can totally understand you not wanting her roomate there, but i dont know if i agree with telling her no. She was invited with a guest and telling her who she can and cant bring is kind of out of place.

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I agree with her as well. You invited your friend and she probably assumes that this will be fine because you did invite her as a guest.

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The thing is I'm not inviting her 'and guest', I was addressing the invite to her and her FH. And it's not just her roomate, she was my roomate too. Like I said, if I wanted her there I would invite her.

The more I'm thinking about this more I'm getting annoyed. She has some set considering she is getting married 2 weeks after me and she was giving me the whole guest list sob story herself last week.

Are there secret meetings held by your loved ones prior to your wedding where they secretly scheme for ways to piss you off? Is this some type of an endurance test?

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Posted by thelastresort

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Posted by ETAB

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Posted by AeroJenn

I'm going to be perfectly honest here and say you dont. You invited her with a guest. Its pretty much up to her discretion as to who she brings as her guest. I can totally understand you not wanting her roomate there, but i dont know if i agree with telling her no. She was invited with a guest and telling her who she can and cant bring is kind of out of place.

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I agree with her as well. You invited your friend and she probably assumes that this will be fine because you did invite her as a guest.

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The thing is I'm not inviting her 'and guest', I was addressing the invite to her and her FH. And it's not just her roomate, she was my roomate too. Like I said, if I wanted her there I would invite her.

The more I'm thinking about this more I'm getting annoyed. She has some set considering she is getting married 2 weeks after me and she was giving me the whole guest list sob story herself last week.

Are there secret meetings held by your loved ones prior to your wedding where they secretly scheme for ways to piss you off? Is this some type of an endurance test?

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Hmmm...well this is a bit different. If you invited her and specifically her FH...and he cant come....i would say she shouldnt bring anyone. 2 of my friends' DHs werent able to attend our wedding, and they came alone. They new other guests and they had a great time. In this case, i'd tell her no.

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Posted by thelastresort

Are there secret meetings held by your loved ones prior to your wedding where they secretly scheme for ways to piss you off? Is this some type of an endurance test?

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I think there are! Mine have held them too. Maybe they are to make us so miserable before the wedding that it makes the wedding day seem that much more perfect. Nice thought. I still wish they'd stop.

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Posted by twinkle164

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Posted by thelastresort

Are there secret meetings held by your loved ones prior to your wedding where they secretly scheme for ways to piss you off? Is this some type of an endurance test?

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I think there are! Mine have held them too. Maybe they are to make us so miserable before the wedding that it makes the wedding day seem that much more perfect. Nice thought. I still wish they'd stop.

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Seriously!

And I used my passive 'Don't worry, there will be plenty of people there without dates'. She got the hint, thank God! And no hard feelings either. Crisis averted!

Thank god you got that taken care of and she got the hint!

I'm glad everything worked out!!!

Yea! Someone actually took a hint. Glad it worked out.

That is a tough one but I was in that situation about 4 days before my wedding...one of DHs very good friends from growing up was of course invited with her husband (keep in mind we did not get invited to hers b/c we were in another state and they had an out of control guest list-no harm no foul on that) well he got sick....and she brought another girl that DH grew up with but we did not invite with her as her 'date' so to speak...yes we werent happy about it b/c if we wanted to invite her we would have but in essence I didnt even notice the change.

GOod Luck, it puts you in a strange position

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Are there secret meetings held by your loved ones prior to your wedding where they secretly scheme for ways to piss you off? Is this some type of an endurance test?

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Ha, I was thinking the same thing!

I would tell her nicely...'look, I invited you and your fiance to the wedding and that was fine but I would be uncomfortable with you inviting her to go with you after I didn't invite her in the first place. There was a reason she was not invited and it's b/c we are no longer close. I'd like to celebrate with my closests friends & family.' I would hope she understands, tell her to put herself in your shoes, especially since she is going through the same thing now. Or you can just flat out say 'I'd rather you did not invite her' no explanation, it's your and FHs day.

HTH