How do you deal with a workaholic DH?

Mr Boots isn't a workaholic per se (and we're not married yet, but living together so it's a bit similar) but his job demands a lot of his time, he works side jobs some weekends and he's in school 2-3 nights a week. He hates it, I hate it, we all hate it, but it's temporary.

And I miss him when he's out at class, but he's getting his degree and that's something very important that's he's doing for himself.

And the side jobs are helping pay for the wedding and a down payment on a house.

It's the temporary sacrifices you make in the present so that you can spend your life with him in the near future. We fight about it sometimes, but it's what we feel we have to do for now.

We do make a point to sit down for dinner every night, even it's 11 o' clock at night.

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Posted by don424

see, and i may get flamed here, but here is how i see it

to me, my wife and my life are the two most important things to me -- i make a decent salary, but i see these people killing themselves 12-18 hours a day, weekends, and what-not and what do they get? strained relationships and a missed life

are there nights i work late --yes. are there times i have to work weekends, yes, once in a while. But, my life comes first, work comes second. I work from 9-6 most days. If my client isn't going to blow up, I leave. If my team is working on a big project and everyone is staying late, I stay.

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Don... you make good points.

But remember that to some people... work IS part of their life and they actually enjoy putting in the hours if they are working in a field they enjoy.

I guess you can catagorize workaholic DHs into the ones that work late hours cause they don't have a choice... and others that somewhat have a choice but actually enjoy what they do.

I actually take great satisfaction when there is a major computer network crash here. I come in an evening or a weekend to fix it. Once its fixed... I get may 'thank yous' the following monday from the executives.

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Posted by don424

see, and i may get flamed here, but here is how i see it

to me, my wife and my life are the two most important things to me -- i make a decent salary, but i see these people killing themselves 12-18 hours a day, weekends, and what-not and what do they get? strained relationships and a missed life

are there nights i work late --yes. are there times i have to work weekends, yes, once in a while. But, my life comes first, work comes second. I work from 9-6 most days. If my client isn't going to blow up, I leave. If my team is working on a big project and everyone is staying late, I stay.

Sure, I could work to get the 6 figure job (I'm not far from that now), but when i die, my wife and kids will not remember me for how much money i made, but how i was a loving husband and father and how i was there for them. I fit my work into my life, not the other way around, and if my job started put a strain on my life and my relationship, i'd be gone.

To me, having the big house and the big car and the big bank account means nothing if you strain your relationships and you can't enjoy life.

and i'm not saying that your DH's or anyone is taking anyone for granted, it's just how i see things.

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No flames here, but it isn't always about the money. DH's salary is an insult to someone of his intelligence and education. But dealing with this now will put us in a position to ensure a better life in the future, when we'll need it most - when we have kids, their college tuition, medical bills, etc. When we get to that point, DH will actually get to ease up on work, because he is taking the time right now to build an important foundation in his field.

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Posted by don424

see, and i may get flamed here, but here is how i see it

to me, my wife and my life are the two most important things to me -- i make a decent salary, but i see these people killing themselves 12-18 hours a day, weekends, and what-not and what do they get? strained relationships and a missed life

are there nights i work late --yes. are there times i have to work weekends, yes, once in a while. But, my life comes first, work comes second. I work from 9-6 most days. If my client isn't going to blow up, I leave. If my team is working on a big project and everyone is staying late, I stay.

Sure, I could work to get the 6 figure job (I'm not far from that now), but when i die, my wife and kids will not remember me for how much money i made, but how i was a loving husband and father and how i was there for them. I fit my work into my life, not the other way around, and if my job started put a strain on my life and my relationship, i'd be gone.

To me, having the big house and the big car and the big bank account means nothing if you strain your relationships and you can't enjoy life.

and i'm not saying that your DH's or anyone is taking anyone for granted, it's just how i see things.

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I agree 100%, we don't live to work, but work to live in our house. I think you need to tell him that it hurts the relationship when work always comes first. If he really does have to work, then maybe the two of you need to schedule time together to relax and have fun. It may not sound romantic or spontaneous, but if you don't make the time for each other, it might not happen at all.

Maybe you can also find other interests like a class or a hobby that will fill some of your free time, so you are not missing him so much when he is not around.