My DH has been a workaholic since I met him, but it's getting even worse lately...the last 6-8 months it's really getting to me.
How do you ladies deal with DHs who work such long and crazy hours?
mrswask
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
I spend a lot of time on here...
btrflygrl
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
you sit him down, tell him that your relationship is suffering and you fear for his health.
OR in my case, start crying, yelling, and throwing a fit (but I blame it on hormones)
Kathy116
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
I've talked about this at length with him; I've been telling him he needs to hire another veterinarian for his practice (right now there's a total of two, including himself).
They are just so busy all the time; he tries to get everything done quickly, but he just can't...I know he works so hard, but sometimes I feel like I'm so alone in this.
DjPiLL
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by btrflygrl
you sit him down, tell him that your relationship is suffering and you fear for his health.
OR in my case, start crying, yelling, and throwing a fit (but I blame it on hormones)
I work 60hr weeks EVERY week. Been doing this since before I met FW. FW just deals with it cause this is what I do.
And... deals with it rather well I might add. Doesn't give me any crap and since I DJ I work a lot of Friday and Saturday nights.
She rents a lot of movies on the PPV, she is a big TV freak.
I try to take her out at least once a week though for dinner and such to make up for it.
Kathy116
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by btrflygrl
you sit him down, tell him that your relationship is suffering and you fear for his health.
OR in my case, start crying, yelling, and throwing a fit (but I blame it on hormones)
I work 60hr weeks EVERY week. Been doing this since before I met FW. FW just deals with it cause this is what I do.
And... deals with it rather well I might add. Doesn't give me any crap and since I DJ I work a lot of Friday and Saturday nights.
She rents a lot of movies on the PPV, she is a big TV freak.
I try to take her out at least once a week though for dinner and such to make up for it.
I appreciate your input, especially from someone who is in my DHs shoes. I'm just going through a difficult time right now.
DjPiLL
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by Kathy116
I appreciate your input, especially from someone who is in my DHs shoes. I'm just going through a difficult time right now.
I hear what you are saying. And even to this day when my FW asks... 'Ya working Thursday night'... me... yeah... 'Ya working Friday night'... me... yeah... 'Saturday?'... me yeah....
... i still feel bad. But this is what I do. She knows I won't be DJing forever... and she also knows if I stopped tomorrow... i'd be miserable for quite a while and she doesn't want me to feel that way.
Thats why I try to take her out when we do have those rare days together. Make sure your DH does the same. I like dinner... gives us a chance just to 'talk'... ya know?
Kathy116
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by Kathy116
I appreciate your input, especially from someone who is in my DHs shoes. I'm just going through a difficult time right now.
I hear what you are saying. And even to this day when my FW asks... 'Ya working Thursday night'... me... yeah... 'Ya working Friday night'... me... yeah... 'Saturday?'... me yeah....
... i still feel bad. But this is what I do. She knows I won't be DJing forever... and she also knows if I stopped tomorrow... i'd be miserable for quite a while and she doesn't want me to feel that way.
Thats why I try to take her out when we do have those rare days together. Make sure your DH does the same. I like dinner... gives us a chance just to 'talk'... ya know?
When you take your FW out to dinner, do you plan the evening, or does she make all the arrangements? Lately I've been doing all the 'social planning', and I just wish he would take me out on a date.
I go through this feeling every so many months, usually I can deal with it, but once in a while it gets to me...we are long overdue for some time together, and will be going on vacation this Saturday.
DjPiLL
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by Kathy116
When you take your FW out to dinner, do you plan the evening, or does she make all the arrangements? Lately I've been doing all the 'social planning', and I just wish he would take me out on a date.
I go through this feeling every so many months, usually I can deal with it, but once in a while it gets to me...we are long overdue for some time together, and will be going on vacation this Saturday.
My FW is the type that doesn't really plan anything. So if I didn't make the effort... we would be sitting home 24/7. Pretty much I plan everything. She may say 'lets go out to eat'... but its up to me to pick the place.
If you are going on vacation... then that should be some much needed 'together time'.
sophie78
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
DH works long hours as well. But I don't consider him a workaholic because he hates to work. He much rather be at home. To me a workaholic is someone who prefers to work instead of not. So I guess his situation doesn't bother me as much. But I do get bored a lot because I am home most of the day without him and I only work 5 hours a week.
Janice
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
DH is full time student, full time restaurant manager/bartender. He is always at work. I sometimes have to wait tables at his place just to see him. Usually my Friday nights included Reba. DH always says he will cut back, but never seems to be able to. I know he tries, so I don't nag. I like to set the alarm on my cell phone for the middle of the night, right before he gets home, and make believe I could not sleep just so we can talk and touch base. Sometimes we try and take the same bus into the city together, then we have a full hour with each other. My dad was always working as well, so I guess it was how I grew up.
soon2bMrs
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
DH works tons of hours too. I try to look at it in a positive way.....he is trying to provide a good life for us and this is what he needs to do to get ahead, but it is frustrating. He never gets home before 8pm and he works a lot of weekends in the office and at home. I think its better than having a husband with no ambition.
sophie78
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by soon2bMrs
I think its better than having a husband with no ambition.
I agree. Awhile back there was a post about unmotivated FI/DHs. It definitely seemed like a problem for a bunch of people. I definitely think it is better to have someone with motivation.
SweetCin704
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
I can totally sympathize. This was one of the reasons we had broken up in the first place (for 8 months--but it was one of the best things that happened to us), but now he works 5 days a week & ALL the OT he can (URRRRR) & then he works for his friend on Friday nights & so Sat. he sleeps most of the day. It gets so frustrating, but when I stepped back I said he's doing it for us and to make our lives better. Would I rather him be working or out at a bar with friends or getting into trouble? He's a great guy & he does his best to let me know I'm appreciated when he is home & we make the time we have quality time.
Perhaps you can make the first step & make a formal date...leave him an invite on his pillow & make it a special night out & then when things are going well say, 'you know it would mean so much to me if YOU could do this for me' sometime. I miss you when you are working and I need to know I'm special and that I'm not 2nd priority to work.'
TwoBugs
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
I think I'm lucky in that it's only a temporary situation for us. I know that what DH is doing will help us in the future, so I'm willing to quietly deal with it for now. We are both making sacrifices. He doesn't like it any more than I do.
Sometimes it boils up and I get so mad that we can't have a 'normal' life and take vacations and such...but I just have to believe that it will all be worth it someday.
Janice
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Posted by am470
Posted by soon2bMrs
I think its better than having a husband with no ambition.
I agree. Awhile back there was a post about unmotivated FI/DHs. It definitely seemed like a problem for a bunch of people. I definitely think it is better to have someone with motivation.
I agree to that this is def an example of the grass is always greener. So I am okay with his working. Hopefully when school is over he can have a little more free time. But I doubt it. He is already talking about becoming a liquor distributor during the days and managing at night.
DH's dad wasn't, and still isn't, a worker. He was not a very good provider at all. DH paid most of his family's bills while in HS. So I think that is a huge fear for DH. He wants to be a provider, and show people it is not like father like son
don424
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
see, and i may get flamed here, but here is how i see it
to me, my wife and my life are the two most important things to me -- i make a decent salary, but i see these people killing themselves 12-18 hours a day, weekends, and what-not and what do they get? strained relationships and a missed life
are there nights i work late --yes. are there times i have to work weekends, yes, once in a while. But, my life comes first, work comes second. I work from 9-6 most days. If my client isn't going to blow up, I leave. If my team is working on a big project and everyone is staying late, I stay.
Sure, I could work to get the 6 figure job (I'm not far from that now), but when i die, my wife and kids will not remember me for how much money i made, but how i was a loving husband and father and how i was there for them. I fit my work into my life, not the other way around, and if my job started put a strain on my life and my relationship, i'd be gone.
To me, having the big house and the big car and the big bank account means nothing if you strain your relationships and you can't enjoy life.
and i'm not saying that your DH's or anyone is taking anyone for granted, it's just how i see things.
jozieb0925
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
I deal with it by letting him do it. I look at it this way..I'd rather him be a workaholic (which he is) rather than someone who is demotivated and lazy...
I also take the time to do things for myself...LIW's, shop, call my friends, etc..
bobbsbride
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
I go to school and that keeps me very busy along with work.
nov04LIbride
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Re: How do you deal with a workaholic DH?
Before DH I dated a surgeon, who was working all the time and even when not working was often on call. It was horrible...We'd be out at dinner, and he would get paged and have to leave. We talked about it, and I asked him what he would do when he had a family, children--if anything would change. He said no, because he was saving lives. I understood where he was coming from, but also knew I couldn't be married to someone where when we had children he would always be absent from games and teacher meetings...There's something to be said for drive and ambition, and living an affluent lifestyle, but having grown up with a workaholic father who was NEVER around, it is not something I would want for my children. In terms of my parents my mom just grew more and more independent from my father, and it got to the point where they did nothing together, and divorced after 35 years.
