How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

neesiepie Posted: Jan 12, 2004 12:45 PM

How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

I went to look at Leonard's this weekend and LOVED IT. But FI said it made him feel like he was onthe Titanic and doesn't really like it. Now, MY taste is the old Victorian look and feel...and I always loved Leonard's...but me and FI have totally different tastes. Now his family also doesnt like the look and feel of Leonard's and I feel like everyone is making up all these resons NOT to have a reception there...but mainly b/c they dont like it. I feel like everyone is being controlling of me and what I say never counts b/c I am always outnumbered. My FI is trying to save money and is scrutinizing EVERY LITTLE THING. Even our engagement party guest list. He wants me to only invite family, b/c that's what he's doing. Well, HELLO...my family lives in Peru and in Florida. I SERIOUSLY doubt they will make it for our engagement party. So HIS guest list has 40 PEOPLE(family) and mine has about 15. This isn't fair to me. How do I deal with this? I feel like just telling everyone 'DO WHATEVER YOU want and just let me know what time to be there.'
I feel so frustrated......

nferrandi Posted: Jan 12, 2004 12:55 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

Just let your FH and you FILs know that you appreciate their opinions and help, but this is a day you've been dreaming about since you were a little girl and you have pictures in your head that you are trying to make a reality. If you FH is concerned about money, don't forget their are plenty of other ways you can cut costs- DJ instead of band, inexpensive centerpieces, no favors, etc... Ultimately, I'm sure your FH wants you to be happy and have the dream, just talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. And don't forget, you'll never be able to please everyone, so don't even bother.

september2004 Posted: Jan 12, 2004 12:57 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

Everything is a negotiation. Keep looking and drag people to as many locations as you possibly can. Eventually they will get sick of it.

Make a list of things that are most important to you and convince them that weighing all the pros and cons, the venue that you like makes the best sense both monetarily and aesthetically.

Show them that you care about their needs and they will care about yours. Worked for me

BillysBride Posted: Jan 12, 2004 12:58 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

Don't worry all weddings get to a point where you just can't take it anymore. You and FI have to sit down and really discuss what is important to both of you. It is YOUR wedding not your families, ultimately you have to do what you guys want.
Good luck and things will work out.

Adrianna Posted: Jan 12, 2004 01:06 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

What if you found a place that has a little bit of what both of you guys wants. Jericho Terrace has beautiful cocktail rooms and that place it self when you walk in has the same effect as Leanord's and the main rooms are beautiful. Watermill, not as victorian but does have a nice blend i think, North Ritz, never been there but from the pictures it looks very pretty.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jan 12, 2004 01:08 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

in answer to your subject: YOU DONT!
if you can, just try to focus on what you and your FH want. i believe if you can survive wedding planning, you can survive anything.

neesiepie Posted: Jan 12, 2004 01:09 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

Posted by CIMINOK

i believe if you can survive wedding planning, you can survive anything.

I am honestly beginning to realize that! I never thought it would be so stressful!

NYCHICK Posted: Jan 12, 2004 01:15 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

I agree that you cannot. It is really about you and FH. Everyone will have to pipe down.

Jan05Bride Posted: Jan 12, 2004 01:16 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

I had a really hard time in the beginning of our engagement. We just couldn't see eye to eye on anything. He felt like I turned into bridezilla and I felt like he had no concept of reality (LOL- I can laugh now). However, we talked and talked and talked and compromised and compromised some more. You will see eye to eye eventually and will understand that he too has ideas and things that he wants and they need to be discussed and taken into account - as does your ideas and desires.
Now for the parents and in-laws, you need to say 'We appreciate your input. FH and I need to discuss it and we will let you know what we decide.' And stand your ground with that and do it for everything.
I hope it'll get easier soon for you. It took us a little while to say this is what we want, this is what we can do, this is what we are going to do.
Good luck

JZNCK Posted: Jan 12, 2004 01:18 PM

Re: How do you please EVERYBODY and still do what YOU want?

I'm begining to realize that YOU CAN'T!!!!! Eveyone has there own opinion whether we want it or not, we're getting it.. That's tough though because you have to take your FI's opinion into concideration.. mostly everyonelses' you odn't.. Good luck.. You'll both find YOUR place..