How does everyone deal with

I try not to get involved but usually FH's family ends up talking to me about what ever's going on... I listen and just try to offer advice-without actually taking sides or getting involved. They are going to be your family too soon- so I understand your need to care and want to help but always remember that you don't want to get too involved and have someone end up mad at you.

I mind my own business. Always. And I'll try to keep my mouth shut when we're married. I am not actually a 'part' of his family and never will be so I will not butt in.

And I expect the same in return from his family.

I think I read your question wrong... If FH's family is having issues than I try to listen and offer advice without getting too involved.

If we had issues with each other's family- I guess we would talk about it... So far, I've been pretty lucky. I had a few minor issues with his cousin who is getting married around the same time as us but FH agreed with everything I felt and backed me up. But it was minor and not really an issue that needed to be dealt with.

THIS is a GREAT question.

I dont get involved...Although sometimes i get so upset that I want to say something.

I am praying we get this house so that I dont have to live there...Cause I dont want to hear any BS

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Posted by jcslady

this is her

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Thats me

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Posted by DD628

THIS is a GREAT question.

I dont get involved...Although sometimes i get so upset that I want to say something.

I am praying we get this house so that I dont have to live there...Cause I dont want to hear any BS

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Thats the thing, i dont want to get involved.....but its like can i smack people with a stick called Common Sense....FH isnt very good with communication.

Since I've lived in FH's parents house for over five years I'm pretty effectively part of their family. If they are having family drama and I'm around, FMIL vents to me, they talk to me about family stuff and which cousin is being a douche at the moment or whatever the situation is. FH deals with my family pretty openly as well, not as openly as I deal with his but he never lived with my fam so that's understandable.

I'm probably in the minority, I adore my FMIL and FH's whole family in fact. They are amazing people.

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Posted by jennandrolo

im too brutally honest about his family. i need to stop because i notice he gets offended sometimes. i just cant help being real about the situation, whatever it is.

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Yea same here., but we both rag on each others family. He gets offended also

I realize the easy answer is to say dont get involved or stay out of it, but when you marry someone, you marry their family too. The reality is these people arent going to go away, if anything they just become more involved in your life as things happen...like having children.


Everyone has to find their own way to make it all work and every family is different.

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Posted by DNS91308


I realize the easy answer is to say dont get involved or stay out of it, but when you marry someone, you marry their family too. The reality is these people arent going to go away, if anything they just become more involved in your life as things happen...like having children.


Everyone has to find their own way to make it all work and every family is different.

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Well said.

It's really is easy to say that you won't get involved, but by marrying someone you are effectively a party their family now. There's a fine line though since you are an 'in-law.'

DH's family is crazy and they have plenty of problems. I try to stay out of it, but it affects DH therefore it affects me. I have learned that sometimes keeping your mouth shut isn't the best solution--you set a precendent and let others have their way...that's not always right.

You definitely have to pick and choose your battles and when to speak up and say something. I know that since getting married, I have been more vocal because I am now a part of the family. However, I choose when to do so because some issues are just strictly off limits.

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Posted by rkl1130

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Posted by DNS91308


I realize the easy answer is to say dont get involved or stay out of it, but when you marry someone, you marry their family too. The reality is these people arent going to go away, if anything they just become more involved in your life as things happen...like having children.


Everyone has to find their own way to make it all work and every family is different.

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Well said.

It's really is easy to say that you won't get involved, but by marrying someone you are effectively a party their family now. There's a fine line though since you are an 'in-law.'

DH's family is crazy and they have plenty of problems. I try to stay out of it, but it affects DH therefore it affects me. I have learned that sometimes keeping your mouth shut isn't the best solution--you set a precendent and let others have their way...that's not always right.

You definitely have to pick and choose your battles and when to speak up and say something. I know that since getting married, I have been more vocal because I am now a part of the family. However, I choose when to do so because some issues are just strictly off limits.

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one important thing to remember though is that no matter what - i understand we BECOME part of the family.

BUT

they will be MUCH MORE likely to forgive and forget when it comes to FH and hold on to their hostility towards the spouse. . .sad and wrong but often true!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by rkl1130

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Posted by DNS91308


I realize the easy answer is to say dont get involved or stay out of it, but when you marry someone, you marry their family too. The reality is these people arent going to go away, if anything they just become more involved in your life as things happen...like having children.


Everyone has to find their own way to make it all work and every family is different.

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Well said.

It's really is easy to say that you won't get involved, but by marrying someone you are effectively a party their family now. There's a fine line though since you are an 'in-law.'

DH's family is crazy and they have plenty of problems. I try to stay out of it, but it affects DH therefore it affects me. I have learned that sometimes keeping your mouth shut isn't the best solution--you set a precendent and let others have their way...that's not always right.

You definitely have to pick and choose your battles and when to speak up and say something. I know that since getting married, I have been more vocal because I am now a part of the family. However, I choose when to do so because some issues are just strictly off limits.

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one important thing to remember though is that no matter what - i understand we BECOME part of the family.

BUT

they will be MUCH MORE likely to forgive and forget when it comes to FH and hold on to their hostility towards the spouse. . .sad and wrong but often true!

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Oh definitely--it's a sad, but true fact that we can't escape.

But saying 'I won't get involved' is easier said than done. I think it's a matter of knowing when to get involved and how involved you should be that's key.