Brides Helping Brides ™ - How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

nycchic_24 Posted: Oct 04, 2003 11:28 AM

How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

My mom asked me an awesome question the other night and so I figured I would post it here. I told her about the 'maybe mommies to be' here and those who have recently come out and told the good news. I was telling her how happy I was for all of you guys and she asked me..Does that make you nervous or does it make you jealous? And I had to think about it for a minute. Because in actuality it kind of makes me both. It makes me nervous when I look at girls who got married around the same time as me and think they are already up to this, what am i doing, why arent I here yet but it makes me jealous because at times I think I am just sooo ready and I feel I should be joining the group too.

So how does or did (for those who are pregnant now or have been) it make you feel when others announced their pregnancies..of course besides ecstatic for them..how did you feel?

I know one of my best friends is ttc, she is a little older and a little more settled so that said is a little more ready than us. It makes me so nervous to think that one of my closest friends is ready to start this new chapter of life but at the same time I want to go through it with her! I guess its just a roller coaster.

NovemberSue Posted: Oct 04, 2003 11:33 AM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I have to admit that a couple of times when friends of ours announced their pregnancies, I was jealous.
One time I actually cried when I was alone because this one couple wasn't trying and had an oops pregnancy & here we were wishing for it to be us.

jennbaby Posted: Oct 04, 2003 12:08 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I am TTC and my BF just had her beautiful baby girl the other day. I felt so many mixed emotions when I went to see th baby. Although I couldn't be more happy for her, I do admit I wish it were me, but my time will come. It's up to God.

jennbaby Posted: Oct 04, 2003 01:05 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

at times I think I am just sooo ready and I feel I should be joining the group too.

Noreen...at times? I am ready 100000%

Make sure you are ready and not just feeling like you 'should' be doing it.

nycchic_24 Posted: Oct 04, 2003 01:15 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I understand that your ready 100000% but my personality will never be that ready. In my honest opinion..I dont think anyone can be totally ready for the most amazing experience of your life but if you are..im so happy for you!!!

Melissa Posted: Oct 04, 2003 01:35 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

When I wasn't PG, and other people that got married around the same time as me and after me, I was really happy for them, but at the same time so jealous!!! I've always wanted a baby. My DH just wasn't ready! Now he's so excited. Nothing happened either to make him ready, we just started trying!

jennbaby Posted: Oct 04, 2003 04:27 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I agree one can never be ready for the biggest life altering experience there is, but what I mean is be sure YOU & dh want it bad, not just because you see others going through it and you feel you should be also.

If you are TTC I wish you baby dust

Claud2001 Posted: Oct 04, 2003 05:04 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I think the most important thing to remember is - just b/c other couples who married before you or around the same time as you are TTC does not mean that you have to live your life the same as they do. Every couple has different dreams and goals, and having children is not always a priority on everyone's list - and that is OKAY.

Be in touch with your own needs, wants, wishes and desires. Life is too short to use your friends and family as a measuring stick that you and your DH should live up to...and, I'm sure your friends wouldn't want you to do that!

That said - my pregnancy was not 'planned' in the sense that we did not 'try' - we just stopped 'trying to prevent' However, I had two very close friends who were each married for 7 years and were TTC for years before me, and THEY were very saddened (and probably a little bit jealous, considering all the emotional turmoil they felt from infertility issues) to learn that I had gotten PG so quickly after my wedding. I was not mad at them for having those feelings - but, I was very sad to feel that sharing my pregnancy experience with them would hurt them even further. In many ways, my pregnancy was a very lonely time for me.

LisaT Posted: Oct 04, 2003 10:34 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

Claud, if you weren't taking measures to prevent, I would say your pregnancy WAS planned.

As for what I feel, since we're not trying yet and not ready to, I'm genuinely happy when I hear the good news from others - with no nervousness or jealously thrown in there.

but on a similar topic - I found that there were people I couldn't share my happiness with when I was engaged. They were lonely and not dating anyone special, and I guess jealous and somewhat bitter that it was happening to me and not them (and these were people VERY close to me). I quickly learned who I could gush on and on to and who didn't get the wedding talk...

I still heard comments after the wedding like 'the year of Lisa is OVER' - and this was someone that NEVER heard me talk about the wedding!

Claud2001 Posted: Oct 04, 2003 10:50 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

Claud, if you weren't taking measures to prevent, I would say your pregnancy WAS planned.

Yes, Lisa...I suppose that's true. All I mean was that I wasn't taking my morning temps, charting my ovulation and planning which days to have sex...we were just having fun being newlyweds

LisaT Posted: Oct 04, 2003 11:08 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I gotcha

thats the way I want it to happen...

Claud2001 Posted: Oct 04, 2003 11:14 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

Lisa, I was almost 8 weeks preggo before I even KNEW Talk about being casual about it! And, I even had a doctor (unrelated to GYNO) ask me if it was possible I could be PG, and my answer? 'Oh, no!'

DUH! What the heck was I thinking???

chmlengr Posted: Oct 04, 2003 11:38 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

It's a very good question, and one that I've asked myself in the past many times. I am sure that each time I thought about it, I had a different answer.

I have always been genuinely happy for every family, friend and relative that announced their pregnancy and has given birth. The past year I thought would be harder than it was, as I became an Aunt twice this summer and 2 sets of friends gave birth, all why were were stumbling along unsuccessfully. I know that your never really ready, even when you are and are trying, it's still jumping into unchartered waters for some.

I would love to say that I was never jealous, but that would be a lie. But what helped me through each announcement was knowing that our time would come and that I didn't have to follow any set guidelines or be in a rush to catch up. We were truly living a life we love and I actually had several of my firends who have children say they were jealous of us!! They call us jet setter because we are able to pick up at a moments notice and take off.

And what is funny about my own announcement earlier this week is that I was actually concerned that announcing it would be hard on my GF who has been trying unsuccessfully for her third since my wedding in May 2002. I don't plan on letting the friends know until 3 months anyway, but I actually had pangs of guilt that I got pregnant and she was still trying (even though at times I said to myself, she already has 2 beautiful children!). So even in my own happiness, I feel as though I need to protect the feelings of others. That's just the way I am.

yabbobay Posted: Oct 04, 2003 11:40 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I feel the same way as Lisa...since we are not trying at this moment...I am so happy for the people who do become...b/c that is what they want/are ready for...so I guess its excitement I feel for them

but next year could be an entirely different story...

michele31 Posted: Oct 05, 2003 06:22 AM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

Years ago, before Scott and I even started dating, I was feelings of excitment for friends when they got married or had a baby but also a pang of 'when will it be my time' in my heart- not jealousy really- just me trying to figure out my life. If that makes any sense. I guess some jealous thinking that I would never get there too. But I never considered TTC until I knew it was right for us, regardless of what my friends were doing. Being a parent is a full, lifetime committment and each couple needs to make the decision for themselves.

I am actually close to the last of my friends to get married, buy a home and have a baby so I guess I was afforded the luxury of having everyone very happy for me.

I think if I had to go thru what Claud had to go thru- having to tell 2 sets of friends that were having infertility issues- I would have felt sad too. I know that was a difficult thing for her. I was fortunate because my friend who just adopted her daughter was already in the stages of the adoption. But when SARS hit I told her 'you will have your baby before me if I have to go there and get her myself.' And I prayed VERY long and hard for that. I don't think she would have been jealous, but she did tell me that it would have been hard for her if I had the baby before Caroline got home.

jlf41 Posted: Oct 05, 2003 08:03 AM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

NERVOUS is not even the word- sometimes I am literally a basket case when I start to think about this baby actually being here. We wanted this very badly but once we found out, I cried myself to sleep a few nights- and now I just wake up at 5 am and can't fall back to sleep. It is totally overwhelming and just crazy to think that we made this little life and now we are responsible for it.

As for the jealousy thing- I think that is a totally natural feeling. My cousin got pg the week she went off the pill - for me it took 6 mos. I was a little jealous that it happened for her so quickly, but that didn't take anything away from how happy I was for her. Like Michelle though, I did have 2 friends going through infertility during our trying time. One got pg the month before me - and I was ecstatic, partially because I just would have felt so bad if I was pg and she wasn't, becuase I knew she would be saddened. The other friend actually had a miscarriage the night of my wedding and as far as DH and I knew, they were still mourning the loss when we found out I was pg. It took my DH several weeks to work up the nerve to call them with the news because we both didn't want to hurt them during their difficult time. Well surprise! When we told them, they revealed that they too were pg, due 2 weeks after us. Now that was the real good news!

Claud2001 Posted: Oct 05, 2003 11:03 AM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

So even in my own happiness, I feel as though I need to protect the feelings of others. That's just the way I am.

Trish, that's EXACTLY how I felt for my two friends! You said it so eloquently.

kmcwed Posted: Oct 05, 2003 11:18 AM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

Nervous or jealous? I wouldn't say that's how I feel when I hear about other couple's having a baby. I'm not sure what I feel to be honest. Angry and resentful may be a better way to put it. Everyone knows I'm not living with my DH yet--we got married four months and five days ago. When I see that message 'You have been married xxxx days' on LIW, instead of feeling happy or excited, I feel angry.

Every week that goes by is one week longer we are putting off selling his house, one week longer we are putting off getting our OWN house, and one week longer we are putting off TTC. I was 34 in August, and honestly thought we would be able to start TTC before I was 35. But now with all these delays in simply moving in together, I'm not sure I'll be ABLE to conceive by the time we're settled enough.

So while I don't feel jealous when I hear of how other women got married, moved right in with their DHs, and started TTC within a few months (or even right away), I feel very resentful and angry about my own situation.

Am I ready for a baby? I'm not sure. But it would be nice to know at least we were settled enough as a couple to be ready should we choose to have a baby. Right now, even if I was ready, it would be out of the question.

And as for being fearful of motherhood.... YES! But I think it's getting a little better as time goes on. I think I'll make a great mom someday, if I can handle the stress of it. That's really the only thing that concerns me about being a mom---the stress and not freaking out about it!

I guess everything falls into place when it's supposed to. At least thinking that is what gets me through.

shamma Posted: Oct 05, 2003 09:45 PM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

I feel like oh my there goes another person, that is not going to be my preggo buddy and their baby and my baby will not grow together and her baby will be older than my baby, I know my thoughts are so silly. I am so happy for them whenever I hear the news. When I think of me getting a baby, I get nervous as much as I am ready I am still nervous, b/c it is definitely going to be a challenge.

jenny11.9 Posted: Oct 06, 2003 08:33 AM

Re: How does it make you feel...nervous, excited, jealous?

Noreen, I can't really answer this honestly. I am the first of my close friends to have gotten married - my very close friends (two of them) have just broken off long term relationships that we all thought would end in marriage instead of splitting up. I have a dear friend who did get married before me and is pregnant now as well - due a few weeks after me. I will admit when she told me she was pregnant like 2 weeks after I announced I was, I was really upset. Mostly because I had such a hard time coming to terms with all of it, and she had been trying, so our responses to those two lines couldn’t have been more different. I felt a lot of pressure to feel 'right' about being pregnant. To be overly thrilled, and giddy with excitement when instead I was crying my eyes out literally, and realizing for the first time that I really CAN'T 'accidentally' kiss my guitar teacher some day…..J

I guess what I am saying is there is no way to control your reactions to things. I bet certain friends news would make you feel one way, another couple another. It's totally natural to feel something that resembles jealousy, but knowing you I would have to stop you there and say it wouldn't be jealousy in the sense we are used to. It's not the negative kind. It's more the 'wow….I think I might want that too and it's making me uneasy….' That kind of feeling. Don’t' expect too much from yourself. It's new to all of us. I would hate for you to be as upset with yourself as I was for months after I found out because you anticipate to feel certain ways. Don't put yourself though it! Just go with the flow! It's normal to feel upside down on this issue!