How long are you waiting until

Original post by 2009wedding

Oct 17, 2008 11:39 AM

How long after you are married will you and you fh have kids? Have the two of you talked about it yet? My fh and I talked about it and he thinks he wants to wait to have kids (like maybe 8 years). He wants to travel and do things while we are still young. I want to travel and do things too but I don't want to wait 8 years to have kids. I can see waiting maybe at most two or three years but not 8 years after you are married. I am 27 years old. I want a family. I want two or three kids. He wants no more then two. We have had this talk before and he said to me he wants to have a family with me he just never told me he wanted to wait such a long time to have a family. I am a little upset about it but what can I do. He never did say he didn't want kids he just said he wants to wait to have kids. He would make such a great father so I have no idea what he is so worried about if that is what it is.My fh is great with kids and he has such a big heart. I love him with all my heart and I want to have a family with him. I have always wanted to have a family and be a Mom. I just don't want to wait to long and I loose that chance.

BAL5-9-05 Posted: Oct 18, 2008 08:33 AM

Re: How long are you waiting until

Posted by JoanneAndJustin

We are hoping for a honeymoon baby! I'll be 35 when we get married and we want more than one. We may adopt older children too, if we have the finances for it.

That's really great!

Angel06 Posted: Oct 18, 2008 09:24 AM

Re: How long are you waiting until

JMO Men do not think the same way we think at all. I have always said since day one that i wanted to wait about 3 to 5 years, but more importanely i want a a house. We are far from fincially stable and i this to be is very imporant. I mean a lot to me for us to have our married time togeather and have the freedom to do whatever whenever, not to mention there is a little part of me that wants to go back to grad school, so i would like to wait. My fh had always said i want to wait like 10 years, now that we are engaged he want to have children yesterday, lol. I think you have to explorer the reason why the time frame he gived you, it could be work it could be an age number, it could be school, it could be money, he could be insecure and his own fatherly quaslites, ect....

Autumnbride03 Posted: Oct 18, 2008 04:38 PM

Re: How long are you waiting until

ok, we have FH's nephews for the weekend, and they woke up at 4 am this morning. My original 2 years answer just turned into 10

Nurse12985 Posted: Oct 18, 2008 09:45 PM

Re: How long are you waiting until

We will be shy of 25 at our wedding so we are waiting 2-3 years to make a baby. My eggs are young and fresh and we aren't ready to give up sleeping in on our days off!!!!!

ace730 Posted: Oct 18, 2008 09:56 PM

Re: How long are you waiting until

I am currently in grad school to be a teacher. I will finish school about 5 months after we get married and then I need to get a job and then I would need to get tenure before FH and I even thought about having kids so I am thinking about 4-5 years.

Colleen214 Posted: Oct 19, 2008 12:13 AM

Re: How long are you waiting until

we're definitely waiting until I finish grad school and DH gets out of the army in 2010, and after that we need to buy a house and make sure we're financially stable, get our non-military life back in order and able to enjoy being back in NY for some time alone first. So, by the time we actually have our first kid, it'll probably be about 2012, five years after our wedding.

KPetekie Posted: Oct 19, 2008 03:08 AM

Re: How long are you waiting until

I wouldn't worry about the 8 year thing. Fh used to say he wanted to wait until we were at least 28 to talk about getting engaged... and then he had an experience that changed his mind and he wanted to get married... We will be 25 at our wedding... So really, no one can predict when they will be ready to do something. I think he is just saying 8 years to give himself as long as he needs.... but in reality he might not need all of that time.
IMO, don't pressure him. Its a big step to be getting married and you need to enjoy that first. If fh tried to talk about babies right now (and ever lol),I would get beyond freaked out. Be happy with what his happening right now. And honestly, once everyone else has kids and our lives change because our friend's lives change, our opinions might change too... So roll with the punches, enjoy life, and be happy to have someone who loves you :)

MrsL2010 Posted: Oct 19, 2008 10:28 AM

Re: How long are you waiting until

We're going to wait 2-3 years. I'll be 31 when we get married, but FH will finish grad school a couple of months after we get married. He wants to be able to be done with school and be secure in a job before we try to have kids. We want 2, so if I have them at 34 and 36/37, I'll be ok with that.

JenBill61210 Posted: Oct 19, 2008 11:35 AM

Re: How long are you waiting until

I actually asked FH this question yesterday about when he wants kids and he said not more than 2 years after we are married... this is what i had in mind as well. But, obviously we will have to see where we are financially at that point.

i think that your FH will change his mind eventually about the 8 years thing, but yeah i would have a discussion with him and just let him know that you would be willing to meet him in the middle

wundmoretime Posted: Oct 19, 2008 02:01 PM

Re: How long are you waiting until

Sit down and try to come to a compromise, maybe 3-4 years. I think 8 is a bit long. It is important you can come to an agreement before marriage. My mother broke off an engage, many years ago, because they couldn't agree. Talk about it before it gets too late. This could destroy a marriage. If you can't wait that long and he doesn't want it sooner, a lot of fights can happen and stress can explode over it. Ignoring it won't make it go away. I was very specific with Dh. We agreed on things, and if it works out -great. I am different than you though, we are older and Ihave 2 kids from a prior marriage and DH has none. He really wants just one and I was on the fence. We worked it out before the marriage though and we can both live with the agreement we came to.

Espo22 Posted: Oct 19, 2008 02:08 PM

Re: How long are you waiting until

We are not picking an EXACT time to have kids, so not like we're going to say we want to get pregnant by fall of 09. But thats also bc it doesnt just happen that way for most women, it can take an average of 6 months to conceive and even more for some, its pretty normal actually. SO i am not going to set myself up for disappointment. I would say somewhere around the 2-3 year mark. But whenever it does happen I will be just as happy. Maybe we'll decide to start trying sooner who knows.

I wouldn't wait 8 years bc i would be 37 years old, and I dont want to start that late. I want more than one kid and after 35 it becomes even harder and can take longer. Plus just for personal reasons I would want one sooner than that. DH changes his mind all the time lol, but I also know that if it were to happen sooner he would be happy with that too.

We have no set plans and no real timeline. When the time is right we'll just know so thats what we're doing, just going with the flow