I'm having a pretty small wedding, and think that I'm only going to have 3 attendants - my sister as MOH, and 2 BMs. But my two best girlfriends each live about two hours away from me, and we only see each other 3 or 4 times a year. I've always pictured those two girls as my BMs, but, other than standing with me in pretty dresses as I take my vows, I don't know how much they're 'supposed to' be helping me out with. I read somewhere online (TheKnot.com?) that BM duties include: helping pick out the BM dresses, attending the shower, and attending the bachelorette party. Is that really all? What duties/tasks/favors are you asking your BMs to do for your wedding?
MJDoc12
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
technically---what you read there is the typical duties of a BM...that's really it. everything else they do is completely optional IMO. just depends on the person.
my MOH/sister has been great. so has my BM. they said 'whatever dress you want--we'll do it' they had no problem paying their dresses and getting measured...and i know they've been planning my shower....BUT as for wedding thigns...i'm kind of a rather independent person--and i prefer to look at things either by myself...or with my FH. then i go to them to get opinions. that's just what works for me. FH is a really involved groom--and he's helped so much.
now other brides totally depend on their BP to help them out...and feel like if their BMs/MOH don't want to spend the day looking at flowers...then they are just not good BMs!
guess you have to ask yourself what you expect of them.
LaurenF
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
i've been in about 7 weddings and it's ranged from doing a lot to literally showing up to the wedding with my dress on and looking pretty. i think it's up to you- how close in proximity the BMs are to you is usually a big factor. Some BMs are responsible for actually thowing the shower, depending on what you expect. if you've been in any of their weddings, that's probably a good measure of what you should expect from them. i know that wasn't very definitive, but i don't think there's only one way to do it, so it's up to you to decide!
sfmullen
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
I am really not having my BM doing a lot for me at all. actually other than what you listed nothing! the less involvment the less drama and the less stress!
DC2
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
All of my BM's have offered to help in any way, but my problem is that I am such a perfectionist that I don't usually have my FH help out that much.
libby2595
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
my entire bp is out-of-state, so there is not much that they can do.
i'm the type of person who doesn't like to impose on others, because of that i haven't asked for much help.
what's interesting in my case is that i have complete faith in my bp, so i let them pick their own dresses. i just gave them the length of the dress and a guideline for colors. they're a bunch of school teachers, so they're pretty good at getting things done.
the only thing that they'll really have to do, other than show up and look pretty is to help me with last-minute running around the few days they'll be here before the wedding.
hth
BelMal
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
My MOH lives in California, one BM lives in Maryland and my last BM is my sister who is 18. So pretty much they just had to get the dress...now they just have to show up.
kat74
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
It depends on teh bride... I;ve been in a lot of bridal parties and I was never asked to do anything (excepty maybe stuff at the bridal shower)
But a co-worker of mine had her BM's setting things up at the hall, helping her with invitations-- she would assign little tasks.... she also got the reputation of being a bridezilla
I think as long as you keep your tasks resasonable-- that is why they are there- they are your friewnds. you should be able to count on them to help you out with little things if you need it
ChrisnAmy
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
Not asking anything more than ....to please show up! I let her pick her own dress.
EGreene79
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
Mine really just need to get the dress and show up. I'm assuming they'll plan the bachelorette party, but other than that I sometimes bounce ideas off them or ask opinions, but I haven't had them actually do anything and don't plan on assigning them tasks.
FH on the other hand can't wait to assign tasks to his GMs
MissingTheBGene
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
Just to show up and pick their dress, get measured/fitted etc. (I picked the color, fabric and designer, they picked the style they wanted to wear). That was pretty much it. They came to my shower and bachelorette party.
Chrissywish
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
Posted by LaurenF
i've been in about 7 weddings and it's ranged from doing a lot to literally showing up to the wedding with my dress on and looking pretty. i think it's up to you- how close in proximity the BMs are to you is usually a big factor. Some BMs are responsible for actually thowing the shower, depending on what you expect. if you've been in any of their weddings, that's probably a good measure of what you should expect from them. i know that wasn't very definitive, but i don't think there's only one way to do it, so it's up to you to decide!
I agree with this complete....some I have done all to help, and some brides just dont need or want the help!!! It's up to you...I'm in my cousin's shower in Nebraska and will not be at her shower or over there to help with the wedding...but I will go out a week early to get fitted...do the bachelorette party....and help her that week before with anything!!!
jayman
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
my sister who is my MOH has been going with me to most of my appt along with FH. She is the one I throw ideas at she has been great.
my bestfriend who is one of my 3 BM's has recently fallen in love and I haven't seen her in 4 months -she didn't even show up for my hair trail b/c she was with her new man -hopefully she'll show up for everything else -or I'll kick her a**
MnM52607
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
I am really not asking my BM's for anything. I think it's silly to have tasks for them to do. I just want them to be by my side on the day of my wedding.
Tracyann1976
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
My girls did the wishing well, decordations, and flowers at the bridal shower. Oh, and some of the favors. I picked out their dresses and mine.
happygirl07
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
It really does depend on your wants and needs. So far, My MOH has been the one going around with me for my wedding gown and whom I've been bouncing off ideas for the BP dresses and colors. She's really great. I could not have selected a better MOH.
As far as the rest of my BM's, I think of them as friends. I think if I need some help doing something in the future, I may ask them to help me knowing that it is NOT their obligation, but will be thankful if they do.
nferrandi
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
My BM helped me pick the dresses (I chose the color), they planned my shower (not very well I might add), and planned my bach. party.
ali120206
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
I'm not asking my girls for much, most of them are out of state as well, except for my 15 year old cousin.
They will be attending my shower and bachelorette party and they sent their measurements for the dress. They'll be there the day or two before the wedding to help with any last minute things that need to be done.
Even if they were closer, I really don't think I would have had them do much more.
October Bliss
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
Show up??
Seriously though, I'm in a similar situation, 1 MOH, 2 OOT BM (although mine live in different states) that I couldn't imagine my day without.
My MOH is my sister - she planned my shower and my mother paid for it. Only one BM attended the shower, and to the best of my knowledge neither will be in NY on Friday for the b-party.
The three of them all paid for their dresses and shoes and currently think they have to pay a portion of the costs for hair and make-up (that is my little day of surprise for them).
The two OOTers are taking off at least two days off from work each to be in NY for the rehearsal. I guess this is the big thing that I asked of them - to be here 4 days before the wedding. But I know I won't be able to spend too much time with them unless they're here early, so I asked and they said no problem!
Bridex100
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Re: How much are you asking your Bridesmaids to do?
My MOH is helping me with EVERYTHING. My other bridesmaids are just hanging out. I think this is a personality thing. My MOH seems more excited about wedding planning than I am.
One of my bridesmaids is planning the bachelorette spa weekend and party.
I expect the rest of them to just show up and look pretty on my wedding day.
