How would you feel?

I have 2 friends, one from high school (call her A) and one that I've been friends with since I was 9 (B). Well, friend A did something very stupid and basically tried to fool around with friend B's boyfriend one night last last year. They haven't talked since, A has tried to apologize numerous times to B.

Friend B has told me and my sister that she will not be attending my baby shower unless my sister uninvites friend A. I totally understand B not wanting to forgive A and not wanting to see her, but I'm very hurt that she will not be at my shower. I think it's very silly and childish. She said that she's not sure if she will be able to control her emotions/anger and she doesn't want to ruin my day. She said she will come see me soon after the shower and spend time with me then. So, I know that she cares about me, and her not attending my shower has nothing to do with me. But, I'm not sure if I should be thinking 'if she cares enough' she'll be there not matter what and control herself.

The thing is that friend B is not emotionally stable (not sure of the diagnosis, maybe bipolar?). She's been on medication and in therapy for a while now. She just found out she's pregnant and is not dealing with it very well (she's not married, unsure about committing to her boyfriend). So, should I just accept that I should not have high expectations from her and she cannot provide what normal friends would b/c of her mental state?

Considering the nature of her mental illness, I think that you should be grateful that she is aware enough of her weaknesses to remove herself from the potentially very bad situation. Yucky to have to deal with this, and I'm sorry your friend can't be there --- but having her get into a fight at your shower would be terrible for both of you. Try to let it go.

I have to say at first I was thinking HOW RUDE AND SELFISH OF HER (which I still kinda think)..but when you mentioned her situation, maybe its better that you be the bigger person and let it go like Valenia said. Although I would be hurt that she wasnt coming to my shower, and it is a bit selfish of her to ask that the other friend not be there, maybe theres more to that boyfriend story than you know, and maybe its something that really hurt her in more ways than you know.

At least she did acknowledge the fact that she would spend time with you afterward, and she didnt just push you off altogether.
Maybe now that shes prego, you can be her shoulder to lean on for advice and she'll eventually get over it and come to your shower. Does she expect you to go to her shower if she doesnt come to yours ?

Tell her how you feel, that this would really upset you, but she does need to do what she feels is right, and she did make a 'mature' decision, if she knows that she would rip this girls head off at your shower...

Do you talk to her often ? Has she been close to you since shes found out shes prego ?

Dont stress over it. She still seems to want to be there for you, but boyfriend issues such as this one can really be hurtful and hard to deal with I guess....

Hope that helps !

She lives in Mass and I haven't seen her since my wedding last June. The last 6 months or so we've been talking on the phone once a week, and since she's been preggo, more often. So, we're still pretty close, considering that she hasn't lived in the area for a long time. Last time we spoke she told me how much better she feels after talking to me. I hope I can help her get through her fears about being pregnant.

I guess she is doing what she feels is in everyone's best interest. And, she did tell me that she's been discussing it with her therapist as soon as she found out I was pg, b/c she knew that there would be a shower and she might run into my other friend at some point.

I think shes being mature about it all, and trying to take your day into consideration.. Maybe since we havent been there (boyfriend problem) we really dont know how much she is hurting or how bad the tiff was...
It also sounds like shes trying to get control of her life, just the fact that shes going to a therapist (positive step for her) and that shes keeping in contact with YOU, her friend....

Its a tough situation..

In my life, I have encountered friends and other people in my life that suffer from mental and emotional illnesses. It is important for people who suffer from something like manic depression or bipolar disorder to UNDERSTAND what 'sets them off' in terms of aggrevating their mental and emotional problems and they need to do whatever they can to avoid putting themselves into potentially harmful or upsetting situations.

Dealing with these problems can be alot like dealing w/alcoholism or drug addiction. It can be a constant struggle everyday for some people to keep themselves in balance, mentally.

Although it may seem selfish and hurtful that your friend is missing 'your day,' I think you need to cut her some slack, and understand that she is doing what she NEEDS to do to keep herself healthy. She obviously sounds like she is trying to help herself, especially since she is already seeing a therapist regularly. I think it is a fine compromise that she comes to visit you after your shower, to spend time w/you and celebrate the anticipation of your baby's birth. Maybe you can share some pics of the shower w/her (although NONE that include the other friend of yours), and tell her how you felt that day. Try to be supportive of her - at least she is not completely blowing you off. She sounds like she needs your understanding.

I;m with CLaud- altho at first I wanted to say how CHILDISH for her to ask you to NOT invite your other friend.
It might be best to just see friend B after the shower and leave friend a on your invite list.