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how would you feel if...............................

Original post by orchid08

your parents were helping you with the wedding & FH mom isnt???

FutureMrs.T Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

MY FH and I decided that we were not going to throw a wedding that we could not afford to pay for ourselves. We are not entitled to have anyone throw us a wedding, we are grown adults (26) and both have jobs and support ourselves. We decided to plan the wedding that way, because then we would not be dissapointed when nobody contributed anything. So, we only went to places we could afford to pay for, etc. However, my father has offered us some money (a set amount). My mother is buying my dress and centerpieces and his parents offered us some money (a set amount) but we are going to use their money towards a house. It was just easier to assume we had to pay for the whole event, that way, I didnt get upset at anyone for not giving me anything, then when they did, it was nice.

Tigerlilie10308 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

Posted by cherish83

Any help is amazing, but i wouldn't expect them to offer. You said she doesn't have much money, so she's struggling as it is. I'd be understanding about it


i agree......my mom put down our deposit for the hall and my dad igave us some money....but it is hard for them...esp since they are divrced......and my dad is trying to fix up the house.......my FILs are paying for the flowers...limos and church......so that is a big help...and im very grateful....if they werent helping us we wouldnt even be able to have a big wedding.....
Espo22 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

Posted by orchid08

b/c shes a single mother


well if she can't afford it and she is a single mother then i would let this one go...You cant expect her to help out if she can't and you shouldn't look badly at her and have negative feelings if she can't help.

Be glad your parents are helping bc there are alot of people who dont have anyone helping them so be thankful for that.

I dont think it should be expected of any parent to pay if they are not able to do so...and I wouldn't even want to take money if it might put them in a hole.
truelove5803 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

GREAT!!! at least someone would be helping! But I know what you mean. SOme people just don't have the money, or some people have the money and are very stingy with it. When my frined got married his mother didn't help them at all....gave them a $100.00 check in a card for the wedding. This woman is loaded!!! I can't even begin to explain her house....but for example, she has a 10 car garage!!!!!!
truelove5803 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

My dad is really sick, and my mom works her butt off just to pay the bills. I don't expect anything from them.

cherish83 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

Posted by Tigerlilie10308

Posted by cherish83

Any help is amazing, but i wouldn't expect them to offer. You said she doesn't have much money, so she's struggling as it is. I'd be understanding about it


i agree......my mom put down our deposit for the hall and my dad igave us some money....but it is hard for them...esp since they are divrced......and my dad is trying to fix up the house.......my FILs are paying for the flowers...limos and church......so that is a big help...and im very grateful....if they werent helping us we wouldnt even be able to have a big wedding.....


Same thing. We planned the wedding budget according to FH and I paying for the wedding ourselves, which I originally thought would be the case and was fine with that. As time goes on, we are getting more and more help, which I greatly appreciate. But I never once expected for parents to pay for it all.
Espo22 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

Our parents have both offered to help with what they can...I tell FH we have to put away alot of money until next year when we have to pay off RH, i know were getting help but i told FH that i would prefer to put in most of the money for it, i feel bad.

My dad offered to pay for my whole dress and i said no way, I told him ill pay the balance off.

When FH's mom gave us the deposit for photographer i was very thankful for that, then FH gave her the contract to look at to see when the next payments are due, and i was like no its ok we'll pay the rest off

I know our parents want to help and i appreciate it, both of our parents could afford to give us money for things we might need, and even with that fact I don't want them to spend an insane amount of their own money.
Mizzdimple Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

Noone offered at all...

Matter of fact his mom said 'Come to me for anything EXCEPT money!
BubbasBride Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

If she can't afford then I wouldn't let it bother you. People are so different in terms of how they spend and save, you can't spend time thinking about it or being bothered by it.

My FH's family isn't doing anything for the wedding and that's their choice. I'm relying on me and FH and adjusting our wedding budget accordingly.
Lucky0510 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

neither of our parents have offered anything at all. i feel bad asking them... at some point you would think at least one of them would offer something.
orchid08 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

i totally hear what you guys are saying! dont think i'm a spoiled brat but i know shes a single parent & probably money is hard but i dont even think she will give us a gift- thats what FH said! i suggested maybe she can pay our airline tickets but he said she cant afford it! but not to be mean i think thats bull b/c shes always remodeling her house- i know its not cheap either! sorry i had to vent. we are paying for most the wedding ourselves but my parents are helping as much as they can. i dont expect her to pay but just to offer would've been nice.

Jesaroo2 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

I have the same problem and it irrates me

my parents are paying for our RH and we r paying for everything else....which is fine but johns parents didnt even offer to do anything and still handed us a huge guest list
DavaDay Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

If she doesn't have the money, then her not contributing towards the wedding isn't a slight against you. I wouldn't be insulted. If you came to her and asked her to go looking at flowers with you and she said that she had better things to do, well, that would be an insult. But not contributing money she doesn't have in the first place? Nothing you can do about that.

However... I do agree that she shouldn't have 'carte blanche' then to invite as many people as she wants to the wedding. It's not fair to ask YOU to pay for her friends. That might be an awkward discussion, but better to have it than to let it simmer and blow up at her next year about it when the RSVPs start rolling in.
orchid08 Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

yeah my parents are paying for half of the RH & we are paying for everything else. I thought maybe the rehearsal dinner- but he said no she cant. yeah i told FH then she cant invite that many of her friends. i think thats only fair! plus we dont even know them!!!

GinaZ Posted:

Re: how would you feel if...............................

My parents are doing the wedding and his parents are doing the rehearsal dinner. We didn't expect them to do anything for the wedding since they were not able to pay for the wedding of their two daughters.

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