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I am going to scream

Original post by IrishAli

So let me give you a baby backstory

FH's BM has a 2 month old. He will be 4 months at the wedding. We spoke with the BM in February (he is FH's brother) and he said no worries, the baby is staying with his MIL in MD.

They have since RSVPd with the baby to everything (the RD, reception, etc).

I am pissed beyond belief. Not only did we say no children, they told us they weren't bringing the baby....and I HATE children.

so here is a clip of an email to FH today from him...this was after FH and I came up with a few solutions to the issue.

'I'm considering not even coming to the wedding with these
types of restrictions for my son. This is ridiculous. So now not
only is he not welcome in the church, but he is not welcome at the
reception either?!?! This is getting out of hand. I am not leaving
___ with ____ or anyone in MD/VA, This is MY family as well as
YOUR family. If that's not going to work, you can throw away our
RSVP. This is really starting to piss me off.'

'My reslolution is that you tell Ali that this is your family and ____
is part of your family. If you want ___other son___ and I to be a part of your
day, then you need to get this through your head. I am not dumping my
son off, my flesh and blood, for Ali to be happy. If you cannot
handle this, then you can find another best man and ring bearer. Its
that simple. Dad has even offered to sit in the crying room with
___. All in all, ____ is coming or we are not. Now you can relay
that to Ali.

Your ONLY brother,'

Now, FH and I agree that we did not want the baby. I am ready to punch FBIL in the face.

This is a FOUR MONTH OLD.

And they keep pretending that they are responsible parents....their older son is obese because they do not feed him properly, and he was actually taken away from their home a few years ago by Child Protective Services.

Honestly, I want to say fine. Just stay home.

I'm just really upset beyond belief

IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by Moonmist09

Posted by HSsweethearts

I think the brother really could go with the flow more, honestly, but weddings really are stressful times and you have to negotiate a lot of relationships. Would a 4 month old really interfere much?


i agree, i know that you may not like children, however, a 4 month old will hardly be noticed at the wedding, especially if it willspend most of the timein a separate room, which it probably will b/c of the loud music and since you have already said that he is a crier.

I'm sorry that FBIL is being a PITA, however, consider that this if your FH's BM and brother as well and severing a relationship is not the best way to go about starting your married lives together.

One thing that striked me as odd is that you said that the initial email from FH to the BM was a united front email, however your FBIL keeps putting you in a negative light as if you are the one who does not want his child there. Why is that?



Because his family loves to cause drama this way- by pitting people against people. We asked the FSIL to sit in the crying room, and FBIL flipped out which is why his FATHER (FH's FATHER!) agreed to do it. Because they are too selfish
IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

Posted by Moonmist09

Posted by HSsweethearts

I think the brother really could go with the flow more, honestly, but weddings really are stressful times and you have to negotiate a lot of relationships. Would a 4 month old really interfere much?


i agree, i know that you may not like children, however, a 4 month old will hardly be noticed at the wedding, especially if it willspend most of the timein a separate room, which it probably will b/c of the loud music and since you have already said that he is a crier.

I'm sorry that FBIL is being a PITA, however, consider that this if your FH's BM and brother as well and severing a relationship is not the best way to go about starting your married lives together.

One thing that striked me as odd is that you said that the initial email from FH to the BM was a united front email, however your FBIL keeps putting you in a negative light as if you are the one who does not want his child there. Why is that?



Because his family loves to cause drama this way- by pitting people against people. We asked the FSIL to sit in the crying room, and FBIL flipped out which is why his FATHER (FH's FATHER!) agreed to do it. Because they are too selfish


Also, I was the first one that said it, not FH...so that might be why
Bree71584 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

if this was me i would have my FH tell his brother that his weak solution of having their dad miss his son's wedding ceremony and stay in a crying room??? (what is that, never heard of such a thing?) is not going to happen. the rule is no children and no babies if he doesnt like it he is welcome to stay home you'd be more than happy to send him video and pictures of the wedding he chose to miss because he wanted to act petty.
nic2011 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

WOW...i'm so sorry ali...this is ridiculous and i have no words for how disgusting your FBIL is behaving.

definitely do not back down and change your mind.

also, when you respond say that he is more than welcome at the wedding, but the child is not. if he chooses not to attend that is HIS decision. You should not feel guilty about his not coming to your wedding - he's choosing to alienate himself and his family.
smilesjc81 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

honestly.... tell him to stay home

my husbands Aunt did this to us - we stood our ground about no children under age 10

so she 'NO SHOWED' at my wedding

she is now CUT OFF FOREVER!!!

let your FH know you wont be bullied and find another BM

obviously anyone who hears the story of how they didnt come to the wedding because their 4 month old baby wasn't invited- will think they were being petty and ridiculous

F**k em
WeezyGirl2354 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Ugg people make me sick

1) his tone is just out of this world - like, way to be a grown man and talk about someone like that via e-mail?

2) What kind of parent are you to want your 4 month old baby when you are the best man of the wedding? UMM you have a job to do and thats to be there for YOUR brother.

3) a 4 month old (and any child for that matter IMO) should not be at a wedding. Ali, I really don't like children either - they annoy the cr@p outta me so I totally get it.

4) If he has that much to say about you then why doesnt he man up and pick up the phone -Pu$$y

5) FH should go punch him in the face b/c he deserves it

6) I wouldnt stand down but I get it's your FH's brother and you dont want bigger problems down the line

Good luck and sorry you have to deal with this!
IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Sigh

The whole situation is disgusting. I just want to cry

Good thing I have beer now
bubblichik Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

It is stressful :(. I have been put in a similar situation and I have been battling in my mind what to do. I can't fight every battle. Is this worth such a fight? The child won't even be noticed let alone they are ruining their time by bringing the child.

Tink1118 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I'm sorry that this has caused you so much stress. Things are getting hectic this close to the wedding and you shouldn't have to worry about any more than you have to.

I hope you get your beer and it brings at least 15 other friends
snowflakes11 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

WOW - is all i can say!!!!

OMG - i cant even believe the BALLLLLLS on people!!!!!

Im sorry you are going through this - but seriously, that is so wrong - I mean you FLAT OUT said NO KIDS, and they knew this!

RUDE - tell them to stay home
MNM0805 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by nic2011

WOW...i'm so sorry ali...this is ridiculous and i have no words for how disgusting your FBIL is behaving.

definitely do not back down and change your mind.

also, when you respond say that he is more than welcome at the wedding, but the child is not. if he chooses not to attend that is HIS decision. You should not feel guilty about his not coming to your wedding - he's choosing to alienate himself and his family.


^^^^^ I totally agree with this! Also, your FH should punch his BM in the face for disrespecting you with what he said.

If there is a NO CHILDREN rule for your wedding, definitely stick by it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this drama! I don't get why people must cause brides so much drama when this is supposed to be a happy time in your life!
GlitterBox24 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I seriously dont get the obssessiin wit ppl bringing children to a wedding and getting upset when you say no. like its going to kill them to leave them at home. We dont even want anyone under 16 tthere unless its a nephew or neice.

JandS Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

wow can't even believe this. It's one night away and they agreed to it before hand!!

jovigirl414 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

OMG, I have no words for this ... I'm so sorry you are going through this!

DMLHeartsCRM Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

OMG!! What the heck is wrong with people!! I feel the same way about kids at a wedding. If they cant understand that this isn't about them then you dont need their damn drama. I'm glad to hear however that your FH is standing the ground with you. I hope mine does when his brother's crazy wife starts calling....

What's you're address? I'll send FH out with a case of beer.
FromGtoC Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I feel like I hear this over and over again 'if I can't bring my kids then I will not come'. So many people claim they have no one to leave them with but 2 months later you find out they had a date night and so and so babysat. It annoys me when someone brings a small child to the ceremony. Plus, when the baby cries half of them don't even walk out they just let it happen. I get so annoyed that I want to say GO OUTSIDE.

IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by DMLHeartsCRM

OMG!! What the heck is wrong with people!! I feel the same way about kids at a wedding. If they cant understand that this isn't about them then you dont need their damn drama. I'm glad to hear however that your FH is standing the ground with you. I hope mine does when his brother's crazy wife starts calling....

What's you're address? I'll send FH out with a case of beer.


Ah I'm in DC, but thanks!

But don't worry, I had 3 after work with a friend

I am just so frustrated
VCanizalez Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by WeezyGirl2354

Ugg people make me sick

1) his tone is just out of this world - like, way to be a grown man and talk about someone like that via e-mail?

2) What kind of parent are you to want your 4 month old baby when you are the best man of the wedding? UMM you have a job to do and thats to be there for YOUR brother.

3) a 4 month old (and any child for that matter IMO) should not be at a wedding. Ali, I really don't like children either - they annoy the cr@p outta me so I totally get it.

4) If he has that much to say about you then why doesnt he man up and pick up the phone -Pu$$y

5) FH should go punch him in the face b/c he deserves it

6) I wouldnt stand down but I get it's your FH's brother and you dont want bigger problems down the line

Good luck and sorry you have to deal with this!



yep!
What she said ^^^^^
Danielle41209 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Stick to your guns Ali. You said no children from day one and he should respect that. You've done more than enough with accommodating them and they still refuse to accept it. It's YOU and FH's wedding. He had his turn and I'm sure FH bowed down to every asinine thing FBIL wanted him to do. You nad FH have one request and he chooses not to follow it?! Then he chooses to relinquish his status if that be the case.

Drink your beer with pride, keep your head up and STICK TO YOUR DECISION!!!!!!

IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Sigh

FH is so pissed, that he doesn't even want them to come- his parents have taken FBIL's side and he is livid and his brother is just being selfish.

So sick of this

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