I am going to scream

Original post by IrishAli

Apr 26, 2011 03:01 PM

So let me give you a baby backstory

FH's BM has a 2 month old. He will be 4 months at the wedding. We spoke with the BM in February (he is FH's brother) and he said no worries, the baby is staying with his MIL in MD.

They have since RSVPd with the baby to everything (the RD, reception, etc).

I am pissed beyond belief. Not only did we say no children, they told us they weren't bringing the baby....and I HATE children.

so here is a clip of an email to FH today from him...this was after FH and I came up with a few solutions to the issue.

'I'm considering not even coming to the wedding with these
types of restrictions for my son. This is ridiculous. So now not
only is he not welcome in the church, but he is not welcome at the
reception either?!?! This is getting out of hand. I am not leaving
___ with ____ or anyone in MD/VA, This is MY family as well as
YOUR family. If that's not going to work, you can throw away our
RSVP. This is really starting to piss me off.'

'My reslolution is that you tell Ali that this is your family and ____
is part of your family. If you want ___other son___ and I to be a part of your
day, then you need to get this through your head. I am not dumping my
son off, my flesh and blood, for Ali to be happy. If you cannot
handle this, then you can find another best man and ring bearer. Its
that simple. Dad has even offered to sit in the crying room with
___. All in all, ____ is coming or we are not. Now you can relay
that to Ali.

Your ONLY brother,'

Now, FH and I agree that we did not want the baby. I am ready to punch FBIL in the face.

This is a FOUR MONTH OLD.

And they keep pretending that they are responsible parents....their older son is obese because they do not feed him properly, and he was actually taken away from their home a few years ago by Child Protective Services.

Honestly, I want to say fine. Just stay home.

I'm just really upset beyond belief

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:36 PM

Re: I am going to scream

My dad said just to put blinders on and let them do whatever

That they have no idea what a difficult job they are laying out for themselves with this situation

legalchef Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:38 PM

Re: I am going to scream

did you/your FH ever remind him that he said that the baby would be staying with his MIL? to me that's the larger issue - if he had said from the start, we don't have anyone to watch the baby, then arrangements could have been made for a babysitter or whatever. but now he is changing is mind, which is a little unreasonable at this point.

DANAnPATRICK Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:39 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Is your wedding a night wedding too? Have you guys gotten any input from FIL's on this whole thing?

I think this is insane he is doing this to you but I have seen it done before by my EX bil

meghan13 Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:39 PM

Re: I am going to scream

I have no dignified response for this.

Seriously, this guy is pompous, rude and so disrespectful. How could he speak about his brothers wife-to-be like that?

Ugh.

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:39 PM

Re: I am going to scream

I believe FH mentioned this yesterday. That they had said the MIL had offered to take the baby for the weekend and they were going to do that because they didn't want to travel with the infant

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:40 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by DANAnPATRICK

Is your wedding a night wedding too? Have you guys gotten any input from FIL's on this whole thing?

I think this is insane he is doing this to you but I have seen it done before by my EX bil

It's a day wedding with an afterparty

LKatz1029 Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:41 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by FutureMrsJC

That is seriously horrible. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I feel like everyone is having issues with children right now. IMO, they do not belong at the wedding. I think it is pretty selfish of your FBIL to send a note like that. I can't understand why your own family wouldn't be respectful of YOUR wishes on YOUR wedding day!

I personally think as the bride and groom, the decision to have children or not have children at your wedding is yours to make, and if your FBIL doesn't like it, he should just stay home!

agreed!!! ughhh so sorry, try not to stress out!!!!!!!

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:41 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by meghan13

I have no dignified response for this.

Seriously, this guy is pompous, rude and so disrespectful. How could he speak about his brothers wife-to-be like that?

Ugh.

I called it selfish, rude, disrespectful and beyond reproach

VCanizalez Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:42 PM

Re: I am going to scream

What does ur Fh says about this?....

DANAnPATRICK Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:42 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

Posted by DANAnPATRICK

Is your wedding a night wedding too? Have you guys gotten any input from FIL's on this whole thing?

I think this is insane he is doing this to you but I have seen it done before by my EX bil

It's a day wedding with an afterparty

Does your in-laws feel your wrong by not allowing him to come also?

IMO at this point it doesn't matter what you do because obviously these people have their minds made up about their feelings towards you so i say f*ck it and tell them to stay home.

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:43 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by VCanizalez

What does ur Fh says about this?....

I believe if he had been in front of FBIL when reading the email, he would have punched him

He is angry beyond belief

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:43 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by DANAnPATRICK

Posted by IrishAli

Posted by DANAnPATRICK

Is your wedding a night wedding too? Have you guys gotten any input from FIL's on this whole thing?

I think this is insane he is doing this to you but I have seen it done before by my EX bil

It's a day wedding with an afterparty

Does your in-laws feel your wrong by not allowing him to come also?

IMO at this point it doesn't matter what you do because obviously these people have their minds made up about their feelings towards you so i say f*ck it and tell them to stay home.

Oh no, FMIL was pushing them to bring the baby so she could show it off

legalchef Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:43 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

I believe FH mentioned this yesterday. That they had said the MIL had offered to take the baby for the weekend and they were going to do that because they didn't want to travel with the infant

And what did he say when your FH said this?

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:44 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

Posted by DANAnPATRICK

Posted by IrishAli

Posted by DANAnPATRICK

Is your wedding a night wedding too? Have you guys gotten any input from FIL's on this whole thing?

I think this is insane he is doing this to you but I have seen it done before by my EX bil

It's a day wedding with an afterparty

Does your in-laws feel your wrong by not allowing him to come also?

IMO at this point it doesn't matter what you do because obviously these people have their minds made up about their feelings towards you so i say f*ck it and tell them to stay home.

Oh no, FMIL was pushing them to bring the baby so she could show it off

Except, the baby WASN'T INVITED

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:44 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by legalchef

Posted by IrishAli

I believe FH mentioned this yesterday. That they had said the MIL had offered to take the baby for the weekend and they were going to do that because they didn't want to travel with the infant

And what did he say when your FH said this?

That his wife said that and that he didn't want to leave the baby with her mother

IrishAli Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:45 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Personally, I feel like we are the receiving end of a grandmother war.

FMIL complains all the time that the other grandma sees the baby more, etc etc, so I feel like they are bringing the baby to shut her up and not cause more drama for themselves

itbroi805 Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:49 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

Posted by VCanizalez

Posted by itbroi805

'You bringing the baby will make ME HAPPY as I don't want the memories of me marrying my best friend fillied with sounds of cries and sobs from a baby who'd rather be in his crib sleeping than at a loud wedding reception.

If you can not RESPECT my wishes for the wedding that I am paying for and that you with honor accepted to be Best Man at, then you can consider your invite and your best man status gone. I do not need to make you nor anyone else happy as this is my wedding. If you have an issue with this, then it's your loss to not be a part of my special and very important day.'

LOVE THIS

I love this too

Sigh, I just want a beer. Stat.

i wish I could bring you one right now!

legalchef Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:50 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

Personally, I feel like we are the receiving end of a grandmother war.

FMIL complains all the time that the other grandma sees the baby more, etc etc, so I feel like they are bringing the baby to shut her up and not cause more drama for themselves

then they can sit the wedding out to babysit!!

DANAnPATRICK Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:50 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Your wedding isn't about pleasing anyone but yourself and your FH, If people want to ruin a relationship over something so petty as this I say put your foot down and take the stand that your wedding is and always has been 'NO CHILDREN'....let them walk all over you once and they'll do it over and over again...I would have FH put his brother and the wife on the spot and question their parenting skills and how they think its appropriate to bring a 4 month old to a place with high decibel music, lights that can irritate a newborns eyesight, over stimulation from the amount of people there, germs from 100+ guests being all around him...plus the fact he will have to be held, fed, changed the whole time!!

Moonmist09 Posted: Apr 26, 2011 03:50 PM

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by HSsweethearts

I think the brother really could go with the flow more, honestly, but weddings really are stressful times and you have to negotiate a lot of relationships. Would a 4 month old really interfere much?

i agree, i know that you may not like children, however, a 4 month old will hardly be noticed at the wedding, especially if it willspend most of the timein a separate room, which it probably will b/c of the loud music and since you have already said that he is a crier.

I'm sorry that FBIL is being a PITA, however, consider that this if your FH's BM and brother as well and severing a relationship is not the best way to go about starting your married lives together.

One thing that striked me as odd is that you said that the initial email from FH to the BM was a united front email, however your FBIL keeps putting you in a negative light as if you are the one who does not want his child there. Why is that?