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I am going to scream

Original post by IrishAli

So let me give you a baby backstory

FH's BM has a 2 month old. He will be 4 months at the wedding. We spoke with the BM in February (he is FH's brother) and he said no worries, the baby is staying with his MIL in MD.

They have since RSVPd with the baby to everything (the RD, reception, etc).

I am pissed beyond belief. Not only did we say no children, they told us they weren't bringing the baby....and I HATE children.

so here is a clip of an email to FH today from him...this was after FH and I came up with a few solutions to the issue.

'I'm considering not even coming to the wedding with these
types of restrictions for my son. This is ridiculous. So now not
only is he not welcome in the church, but he is not welcome at the
reception either?!?! This is getting out of hand. I am not leaving
___ with ____ or anyone in MD/VA, This is MY family as well as
YOUR family. If that's not going to work, you can throw away our
RSVP. This is really starting to piss me off.'

'My reslolution is that you tell Ali that this is your family and ____
is part of your family. If you want ___other son___ and I to be a part of your
day, then you need to get this through your head. I am not dumping my
son off, my flesh and blood, for Ali to be happy. If you cannot
handle this, then you can find another best man and ring bearer. Its
that simple. Dad has even offered to sit in the crying room with
___. All in all, ____ is coming or we are not. Now you can relay
that to Ali.

Your ONLY brother,'

Now, FH and I agree that we did not want the baby. I am ready to punch FBIL in the face.

This is a FOUR MONTH OLD.

And they keep pretending that they are responsible parents....their older son is obese because they do not feed him properly, and he was actually taken away from their home a few years ago by Child Protective Services.

Honestly, I want to say fine. Just stay home.

I'm just really upset beyond belief

Bride in 2012 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

'12er crashing...


Just make sure that if the baby starts crying during the church or reception, someone turns around and glares at the kid so they have to walk out with them. Would also be hysterical if one of your friends gets drunk and obnoxiously asks 'Who would bring a baby to a wedding?' as they walk by.
wishingwell1230 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by Bride in 2012

'12er crashing...


Just make sure that if the baby starts crying during the church or reception, someone turns around and glares at the kid so they have to walk out with them. Would also be hysterical if one of your friends gets drunk and obnoxiously asks 'Who would bring a baby to a wedding?' as they walk by.




I can't believe how rude and selfish FBIL is being and how FIL's are taking his side?? On top of that, how is FH's father leaving the ceremony of his son's wedding to watch a baby a solution??!?! are you freaking kidding me?!?

I really don't get why this is an issue. If it were me I would confront the FBIL myself about it. It sounds like he wouldn't listen or turn it into an argument but at least I'd feel better about saying my piece.

If you decide to let them bring the baby, hopefully it is a small consolation that I went to a wedding last year in which my FSIL brought her 4 month old baby to the wedding (the bride and groom actually made him part of the wedding party in a tuxedo tshirt last minute so it was amicable) and he fussed a little during the ceremony but his grandmother just took him out of the room and then he was at the reception briefly but then left early with his grandparents, and it was very unnoticeable.

I hope you can work it out!
ColliMac23 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

ddings bring out the worst in people and why do they have to bring the baby but not the other kid?

IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

No their 5 year old is our ring bearer- he will be there

Jesebelle Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by CaughtMyFish

Crashing!

It's a messy situation, but maybe the baby is breastfeeding and they cant/wont use formula yet? Just thinking I may wind up in a similar predicament come next summer, when one of FH's GM's wife will have 10 month old. I'm pretty sure she is going to BF for years, bc that's the type of person she is. (not passing judgement here!)

So sorry this is making you upset. The only thing you can do is let them come and ignore that they are there. Unless you truly dont mind starting a family war, bc telling them to all stay home would cause that in my family.



My MOH is breastfeeding. She pumps and freezes it. She will be with me all day and the baby will be at home with her parents. Don't let them use that excuse when it comes time! Especially if she works. Then you KNOW she's done it before. And a 10 month old has more sources of sustenance than milk anyway. They aren't feeding every 2 hours at that point.
FutureJOC Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I agree that 4 months is a bit young for a wedding. My own nephew isn't even going to be at the reception (he a little over 2). He'll obviously be there for the ceremony (he's an RB) and for pics at the church but after that SIL's parents are going to be watching him. My brother and SIL want to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to chase after or worry about my nephew (and worse have to leave early because he's tired). They also don't want my mother to have to worry about him either and to enjoy herself at the wedding.

CantWait2Wed Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

That is MESSED up! Is there another family member that can explain to this a$$ that nobidy brings babies to weddings? Sorry you have to deal with that!

cateydee Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

NW crasher- my neice was 4 months old at my wedding. she was my littlest flower girl. i had told my brother it was up to him if he wanted to bring her but that most of the fam who were flying in hadnt met her yet and they definitely would love to see her. I also told him that he better not leave early whatever he decided to do with the baby.

The baby slept the entire ceremony, was up for an hour or so during the reception, then SIL's sister picked her up early. Otherwise, the only kids who came to my wedding were IN the wedding party. I didnt want crazy 2 year olds running all around during the ceremony and reception. A four month old is not going to do as much damage.


At 4 months old, its really hard to part with your child, especially for a weekend, let alone one evening. The best solution would probably to be for the parents to get a babysitter over here the night of the wedding. Otherwise, they wont feel comfortable leaving the baby in another state.

Granted your FBIL is beaing a real d-bag about it, but try to see it from a new parent's perspective. I certainly wouldnt want to leave my newborn back in another state for more than 24 hours.

Although it sounds like there are OTHER issues going on with your in laws, this shouldnt be a dealbreaker for your relationshiop. After the wedding, you are going to realize that much of the stuff you sweated was very small.
IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I understand but

A. they never had this issue with kid #1. They pawned him off on everyone

B. Their parental quality is low...I mean, kid #1 got removed from their home by Child Protective Services

SO I don't really feel like this is about not wanting to leave the kid....this is about them making it about them
imthing1 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Ok I totally am sorry for crashing your thread! But I feeeeel your pain. We are having 21 and up for our wedding. FH's brother just had a baby and will be 6 months by the time of the wedding. In our case it's my FMIL who us causing huge family arguements because she just has to have the baby at our wedding. It's to the point where FHs dad said he might just not go to the wedding to watch the baby. Give me a break! Anyway I really hope it works out for you. Try to convince them that a four month old's immune system is weak and shouldnt be around so many people... It's way too loud for their sensitive ears... You don't want a drunk person to hold the baby.... Etc etc etc... It's a horrible spot for family to put you in. :(

Soon2bMrsB91511 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Ughhh....I'm not a kid lover either, girl, so I totally know what you mean.

I really hate that FFIL wants FSIL's new baby (will be 6mos) at the time of our wedding to be brought down during the reception to 'show her off'. I don't have the heart to tell him how I really feel, especially since he's like 'well, don't you wanna show off your niece?', so i just play along, but really i'd love it if she kept both her kids out of the wedding.

I just know how much drama will ensue, so whatever, I said she can be brought down for a little bit and then she needs to go back up.

I detest the idea of kids at a wedding.
justnicethings Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I feel bad that you have to deal with this, but try not to make a bad situation even worse. Family is family and they don't go away, and starting your lives together with such a huge problem is not going to be easy. A 4-month old will likely go unnoticed, and it's probably more valuable to have FH's entire family there with 1 baby than to have them not come at all. It's a united front now, but really think about how FH would feel if his brother didn't come.

JuneBride14 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

my sister is my MOH and her son, my nephew will be 9 months at the time of the wedding and she will be getting a babysitter for the reception on her own choice and he is going to be 9 months!! most people would love to have a babysitter so they can enjoy themselves completely--- i am soo sorry that you are going through this

why is the FBIL putting ALL the blame on you???
IrishAli Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by justnicethings

I feel bad that you have to deal with this, but try not to make a bad situation even worse. Family is family and they don't go away, and starting your lives together with such a huge problem is not going to be easy. A 4-month old will likely go unnoticed, and it's probably more valuable to have FH's entire family there with 1 baby than to have them not come at all. It's a united front now, but really think about how FH would feel if his brother didn't come.


Honestly

At this point, I don't think FH wants his brother there at all. He is as disgusted as I am at that email
cateydee Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

Posted by IrishAli

I understand but

A. they never had this issue with kid #1. They pawned him off on everyone

B. Their parental quality is low...I mean, kid #1 got removed from their home by Child Protective Services

SO I don't really feel like this is about not wanting to leave the kid....this is about them making it about them


So if it is more about him being a dbag, you can either choose to fight it and stress you and your DH out day in and day out til the wedding or you can choose to 'accept' it and move on. I promise you, it wont seem like such a big deal later on. Your day will be perfect, 4 month old or not!!
b2b2013 Posted:

Re: I am going to scream

I'm so sorry!!
I think he needs a quick reality check....IT'S YOUR WEDDING!!!! People need to realize not only how much blood, sweat and tears go into the planning of EVERY DETAIL, but that fact that it's your one-and-only day and you should have everything exactly how you want it!! No one should tell you how to plan your day... guess I'm lucky that FH is an only child!!

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