I am literally 30 seconds away from kicking my MOH out of the wedding.

I honestly can't believe how much we all have in common on this board. It's downright scary. Just when you think that you are the only one going through some sort of dilemma, you come to this board and 50 other brides are going through the same identical thing. I have recently decided not to have a maid of honor AT ALL. It's simply not worth the headache. Planning a wedding is difficult enough without the constant drama that others bring. Sometimes it could be someone who you thought was a good friend, sometimes it could be a family member. Bottomline is . . .no drama is good drama.

I find so much comfort here. I honestly don't have any concrete advice to offer . . . but if you're anything like me, you'll listen to many of your fellow board members. Carefully examine the advice that they all have to offer . . .and then follow your heart.

Peace be with you.

I think we all have encountered a situation w/ a BP member, be it MOH or a BM, because people are people! Scary thing is, there is a LOT of unnecessary jealousy in this world!!! People make comments because they don't know that it will hurt your feelings- or they don't do something because they know you want them to! What kind of $hit is this???

I've asked everyone in my BP b/c they are my dearest friends and family! I had a decision to make on the 'family' members- 2 of them don't call me, write, nothing throughout the year. Unless I go and visit or call them, we'd never speak. Then I have another cousin, who Oct1203- I disagree (sorry)... she is family and has written me off. My 2 cousins I asked b/c I realized that I had to accept them for who they are. They're not me, they're not going to be outgoing- but they are my family and they're nice people. As for my other cousin- she'll just have to miss out on the beautiful friendship I once offered her! (Not to mention my wonderful day!) I was in her wedding and was THE ONLY ONE who did anything for her. She was a 'princess' during her whole wedding and made comments about the money people were spending (or not spending) and I let a lot of things roll off my shoulders. Sad, that when the chips are down and you really need someone, they're not there.

My point is.... don't think about the small stuff. If she's not going to a store with you, if she doesn't ask.... might not mean that she doesn't care. Sure, she might be self-absorbed.. a lot of people are. What counts is when the chips are down. My Mother was suffering fighting cancer for the 2nd time, this is when that cousin decided to pull this b.s. and only thought of herself. That's what mattered to me the most! So, even though family is family- I'd rather have nobody than her!

I've learned not to expect to much from people either. My MIL, threw my shower for me & helped me with just about everything. I knew going in that the girls in my wedding party were VERY busy people so I didn't expect anything from them. My MOH was always complaining about how busy she was & how broke she was (which I can't understand since she still lives at home & makes a LOT of $ & has no debt). I learned a lot about the two people I called my 'friends' during my wedding. My MOH was a pain, we still talk but we are NOT as close as before I got engaged nor do we hang out anymore. MY MATRON of Honor got married two months before I did & I bent over backwards doing stuff for her wedding, the other two people in HER weddingparty didn't lift a finger or pitch in a dime for that matter, I took her to Miami for a bachlorette weekend & spent over $2000 on her and how did she repay me? The B*tch decides not to even show up for my wedding. She got nasty with me a week before my wedding & I had a feeling she would do that & she did! But you know what? I didn't care at that point, I knew by then not to count on them & I KNEW who my real friends were at that point. It's a shame but you'll find that a wedding is the time to find out who your friends are, it will either make or break a friendship, it's sad but there are a LOT of selfish people out there.

Oct1203- that's just one person in my family. I love all the others, and mostly I would agree that blood is thicker than water.

I've just learned in life that weddings, funerals and babies (the birth of a new one) bring out the best and worst in people. It's sad, but true.

I'm just glad that I can wake up every morning, look in the mirror and respect the person I am. If these girls want to live their lives being like that, they'll end up very lonely! I almost feel sorry for them. (Almost- I don't, but maybe for like 10 minutes)

Evelyn- she's certainly not worth your friendship. At least you found out now before you bent over backwards doing even more for her!!! You can do that for someone who will really appreciate you and everything you do now.

I had first picked one of my best friends (we used to be real close) as my maid of honor. But as the wedding planning went on and she never even got involved or talked about my wedding I realized I had made a mistake and decided to Have two instead of one and asked My sister to be My Matron of honor, I never offically told the friend this but I guess she realized it.

She totally hasnt been there for me and it is really upsetting. Seems some of my bridal party(friends) are sick of the whole wedding thing and it seems my wedding is the one to forgot to them.

she herself was not married, until a week ago she eloped, so she didnt have the whole big thing, but thats bc she canceled it. Also when she had her son, my godson. I went overboard at her shower and was with her all the time, planning and helping, I know when I have kids it wont be the same.

it just kinda makes me sad at a time when I am so happy.

So i guess we all deal with this in a way with different people, but then there are those that go out of there way, SO my advice is to TRY (and I know its hard) and forget what those arent doing and stick with those that are.
good luck

Awww...thanks Michelle, that's so sweet of you!

Ya know what girls..... I totally believe in Charma....you can't live your life regreting things. I don't regret what I did for that person, I would do the same for anyone I cared about, that's just me. I did that for her and expected or wanted nothing in return other than to make her happy & show her what a true friend is. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, when one door closes, another one opens. I've recently met a wonderful person (CURLY) & I think her & I can become close friends. I firmly believe that these rotten people that turn our lives miserable & cause us grief have theirs in line.....what goes around comes around!!!

Dont stress over things, do you what you have to do & take this MOH to the side and tell her how you feel, maybe she just doesn't know what is expected of her. If that's not the case & she still gives you grief then by all means...give her the boot!

Tara-

I had the same problem. I was furious when I found out that my MOH did not even lift a finger to help my mom out with the shower. Not only that but I found out my mom contacted her and her sister (my other bridesmaid) and THEY DID NOT EVEN RETURN HER CALLS. Because of their lack of response it was my MIL, mother and father who threw me the bridal shower. They did all the work. The night before the bridal shower my mom had to call the MOH and the bridesmaids to find out if they were coming...they never even RSVPed! I was so mad and even more hurt because I have known these girls since I was six years old. They were my old dear friends. What made me even angrier is that I have seen them throw big house parties for other people, so I knew that they had it in them...and I just felt very slighted.

Anyway that being said, the day of the wedding they totally came through. They made sure I ate, they made sure I smiled. They were totally there for me emotionally. They did anything I asked them to do. My point is that you do find out who your friends are...some people are self-absorbed and sometimes they are just plain clueless. Maybe have a talk with your MOH and ask her if there is something in her life that is preventing her from giving her all to your wedding. Good luck!