Ok, so his bachelor party is next month. I told him that if he feels inclined to see naked women, I would prefer if he went to a venue for such entertainment rather than that entertainment being delivered to his door. He accepted this condition. Well it is a month away. He has decided to rent a place with his friends in Fire Island. There are no strip clubs in Fire Island. This means that his brother is very likely planning for strippers to come to him. I asked if he has bothered to tell his brother that there will be no naked women in any residence. he said He 'has not had time'. He has had 6 months. I have done EVERYTHING. I have not taken him to one vendor or forced him to make any decisions. That is the ONLY thing I have asked him to do. And he hasn't done it. HIs brother is a single 25 year old who told my FI that he has a friend who just started a company called 'guys last night out' and he is the same freaking 25 year old who bought FI a playboy subscription for xmas. I DO NOT want this kid planning the BP with no limitations in mind. I am really uncomfortable with this. I hate having to continuously nag fh about something he promised me he would do. When i asked him yesterday, he swore up and down that he had already told his brother and then he slipped later and told me he hadn't. Ahh just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!
Brassgirl9
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I think you should have your maid of honor start hinting to him that she's having strippers come to your house for your bachelorette party. I would like to know what his reaction would be. I have a 'you can look but don't touch rule' with my FH. We haven't gotten to the bachelor party yet but I would hope he honors my request. It's kind of like a tradition unfortunately (a stupid one too) but don't make yourself sick over it. Trust your FH taht he will do the right thing.
Tracy&Brian
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
3. Seriously, dont make him look like a Pu8sy in front of his friends. The worst thing you can do to your FH is take away his manhood in front of his friends. Its just going to make him feel stupid and pathetic and whipped. Then he is going to resent you for it in the end.
Just remember, boys are stupid and perverted. Your FH loves you deeply and won't do anything to hurt you intentionally. If you love him, you will respect him enough to trust him and let him have his weekend of fun...no hassles.
If you totally hate this advice, I understand. I am just trying to help.
shelby34
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
ugh, I totally understand. I am nervous about that also. I have been nagging already and we are a year away! haha. Well, I guess you will just have to trust him. It does suck that he isn't holding true to his promise.
MJDoc12
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by Tracy&Brian
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
3. Seriously, dont make him look like a Pu8sy in front of his friends. The worst thing you can do to your FH is take away his manhood in front of his friends. Its just going to make him feel stupid and pathetic and whipped. Then he is going to resent you for it in the end.
Just remember, boys are stupid and perverted. Your FH loves you deeply and won't do anything to hurt you intentionally. If you love him, you will respect him enough to trust him and let him have his weekend of fun...no hassles.
If you totally hate this advice, I understand. I am just trying to help.
i second this entire post---agree 110%.
mavirella
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
This is a total insecurity thing. I am the groom and have been to bachelor parties. They get rowdy. Sorry but it's the truth. Personally I don't need or want one. It's a total waste of money. You wanna make me happy- put the money you would've placed in a g-string in an envelope and hand it to me. C'mon this guy was going to do what he wanted. Forget about the being a punk in front of his friends thing. If you are having issues like this already then you should reevaluate things. My fiance is having a bachelorette party. I am not worried about her. I am more concerned about the entertainment going too far with her or the ladies there. Sorry for the imagery here but as long as nothing is happening with any orifices or fully exposed genitalia then it's all good. There will ALWAYS be woman around at the bar, at work, on the train. If anything ,feel safer. These women could care less about wanting your man than the bills in his wallet. If you really trust him, let him party his *** off. He should reciprocate the action towards your party if you wish to have one. If he does do something stupid., then he's a moron. Plus what difference does it make where they are shaking their booties? Ever heard of the champagne room? I don't mean to make light of your situation but this is such a non-issue.
CLMon7906
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I had the same exact issue not too long ago. I lost the war somehow b/c FBIL already booked everything and paid in full and cannot cancel without forfeiting it all....I am STILL pissed. My heart goes out to you.
VadersBride2006
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I'd be more concerned with the fact that he lied to you than where the strippers will be...
cherryj24
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I agree with you 100%. At a club and at a hotel is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Alcohol=STUPID AZZ. I think all fiances LOVE their girls at home but that doesnt stop about 75% of them doing something stupid that I am certain most did not intend on doing. It's just the way it is. There is alcohol, a dumb slut, peer pressure, and whatever else, things happen that shouldn't happen and I have never heard of a private stripper NOT going overboard. I once had a friend who was so dumb and intoxicated he payed her a ridiculous amount of money to - sorry ladies- go downtown. Ewwwwww. Stick to your guns sweetheart, it's not right and he should respect your wishes. I am so lucky my FH HATES strippers and strip clubs.
amyg1033
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I totally understand and I think it's a total load of crap when people tell you that you shouldn't care because your fh loves you and that it shouldn't bother you if there are naked women in the room with him. Let's get it straight here. We are not worried that our fh's will cheat on us because if that were a worry, we would never had said yes in the first place. However, what is worrisome is that when guys get together and there is pressure from their friends and there is alcohol involved, who knows what could happen. It was always fh's friends that worried me more than him. I know he tends to think strippers are more funny than something you get turned on by. (I mean really, most of these women look like dirty pigs and nothing like what you would see on tv) But I still don't blame you for not wanting strippers to come to the house. I've been friends with guys for so long and I've heard about what goes on when strippers come to their house. There is much less control over what they will do for the guys as opposed to when they're dancing in a club! I hate when my now husband goes to bachelor parties and I know there will be strippers there. I hate him being surrounded by such filth!!! I've heard about how guys can actually do 'things' to the strippers and how they can use di*dos to get her off!! I mean really, is that really necessary? From what guys have told me is that it is more of a freak show when they come to the house. However, once again we are stuck in that we can't exactly forbid our fh or husbands to go to these parties (even though I want to) because then we're that demanding bit*h that we always said we would never turn into. We pretty much have to give our husbands or fh's a hard time about it so that they know we don't like it, but in the end, they still get to go.
N.Y.bride
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I see where youre coming. IMO he should have taken your feelings into consideration especially if he hasnt been doing ANYTHING else.
I think your MOH should tell him strippers are coming to YOUR house. Sometimes men need to put their feet in your shoes.
I also agree, I wouldnt mind my husband going to a strip bar but to have strippers come to a private dwelling IMO is sketchy.
Is your brother or any of your guy friends going?
SunBride07
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by Tracy&Brian
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
Sorry but I agree with Tracy&Brian. The most important thing is trust.
N.Y.bride
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Even if she trusts her husband 110% it doesnt mean she has to support what he wants to do.
aliwnec10
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by amyg1033
I totally understand and I think it's a total load of crap when people tell you that you shouldn't care because your fh loves you and that it shouldn't bother you if there are naked women in the room with him. Let's get it straight here. We are not worried that our fh's will cheat on us because if that were a worry, we would never had said yes in the first place. However, what is worrisome is that when guys get together and there is pressure from their friends and there is alcohol involved, who knows what could happen. It was always fh's friends that worried me more than him. I know he tends to think strippers are more funny than something you get turned on by. (I mean really, most of these women look like dirty pigs and nothing like what you would see on tv) But I still don't blame you for not wanting strippers to come to the house. I've been friends with guys for so long and I've heard about what goes on when strippers come to their house. There is much less control over what they will do for the guys as opposed to when they're dancing in a club! I hate when my now husband goes to bachelor parties and I know there will be strippers there. I hate him being surrounded by such filth!!! I've heard about how guys can actually do 'things' to the strippers and how they can use di*dos to get her off!! I mean really, is that really necessary? From what guys have told me is that it is more of a freak show when they come to the house. However, once again we are stuck in that we can't exactly forbid our fh or husbands to go to these parties (even though I want to) because then we're that demanding bit*h that we always said we would never turn into. We pretty much have to give our husbands or fh's a hard time about it so that they know we don't like it, but in the end, they still get to go.
oh i think i love you! Finally someone who isn't afraid to call this disgusting act what it is and who isn't going to let it go because 'everyone else does it'. I'm so tired of hearing that. I'm so tired of hearing how its tradition and 'boys will be boys'. Granted everyone is entitled to their opinion. But when people start telling others how they should feel about it... that's a no no.
*To the poster of this... i would absolutely be mad at my FH for this. He let it go this long knowing how you feel about it and that's not acceptable in my opinion. It doesn't matter what the issue is or what it's about. It's the fact that you had previously talked about this and he disregarded your feelings. By not doing anything or saying anything, he let it happen and is trying to say it's not his fault. I understand how you're mad. I would be too. I would try talking to him again and see what happens.
LisaJill
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Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by amyg1033
I totally understand and I think it's a total load of crap when people tell you that you shouldn't care because your fh loves you and that it shouldn't bother you if there are naked women in the room with him. Let's get it straight here. We are not worried that our fh's will cheat on us because if that were a worry, we would never had said yes in the first place. However, what is worrisome is that when guys get together and there is pressure from their friends and there is alcohol involved, who knows what could happen. It was always fh's friends that worried me more than him. I know he tends to think strippers are more funny than something you get turned on by. (I mean really, most of these women look like dirty pigs and nothing like what you would see on tv) But I still don't blame you for not wanting strippers to come to the house. I've been friends with guys for so long and I've heard about what goes on when strippers come to their house. There is much less control over what they will do for the guys as opposed to when they're dancing in a club! I hate when my now husband goes to bachelor parties and I know there will be strippers there. I hate him being surrounded by such filth!!! I've heard about how guys can actually do 'things' to the strippers and how they can use di*dos to get her off!! I mean really, is that really necessary? From what guys have told me is that it is more of a freak show when they come to the house. However, once again we are stuck in that we can't exactly forbid our fh or husbands to go to these parties (even though I want to) because then we're that demanding bit*h that we always said we would never turn into. We pretty much have to give our husbands or fh's a hard time about it so that they know we don't like it, but in the end, they still get to go.
EXACTLY. I read 'confessions of a bachelor party stripper' in cosmo. It is not pretty what those chicks can do with a beer bottle. Seriously. I love my fh. I do. But there is that pressure and the fact that men sometimes just get very caught up in things and lose the line, especially when being egged on by brother and friends. Furthermore, if his friends were planning it (those in their 30s and married -- which most are) then i would be less concerned because they have done these things plenty of times. My concern is that this is his 26 yr old brother's first party and he is planning it. This is the same kid who still lives in his moms house, has keg parties in the back yard, is on the 'softball team' that gets wasted every night, has porn all over his room, etc. This is just a kid. A frat boy. And there is a big difference between LOOKING at a public place, and having women come to a place where there are very private rooms and BEDROOMS. And comparing bachelor parties to bachelorette parties is really stupid and that is why guys aren't concerned. I have NEVER heard of a bride cheating on her fi at a bachelorette party yet i have heard MANY stories of the opposite. Men are just different creatures. They can operate without their brain.. Who do you think goes to all the porn website? Who has the collection of porn? Men are animals. Sorry. Maybe there are some exceptions but they travel in packs and they grunt and salivate at women. FI has a lot of guy friends, i can see the party being a very large one with his hockey buddies, his teacher buddies, his college buddies, and his high school buddies. I am just not happy. Sorry. I guess everyone feels differently and I don't think this has anything to do with insecurity it has to do with understanding that sometimes guys just act differently. June 24th is the day (actually the entire weekend) and I don't know if i will get through it. xoxoxox
Blu-ize
Posted:
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
MY DH had a party where he went out with his friends to a couple of clubs and had drinks and laughs. My friend's DH had a nice dinner and a limo take them around the city..
No strippers.
Both of them had a great time at their BP.
It may be a tradition, but I think it makes most men uncomfortable.
CLMon7906
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Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by N.Y.bride
Even if she trusts her husband 110% it doesnt mean she has to support what he wants to do.
exactly...it has nothing to do with trust....i trust my FH more than anything...but too many dangers lurk in hotel rooms with strippers. i mean, we can all name 3 'famous' incidents within the past year or so that have involved private rooms/dwellings and sex. these guys should not allow themselves to be put into these situations...and i trust my fh...but i don't trust his friends...and since he's an attorney and his brother/best man is a cop, they really don't need something happening with their involvement either....so why risk it???
eta---and my FH doesn't even like strippers/strip clubs...but did he stand up to his bro about it (since we'd discussed it long before?) NOPE...it's much easier to form problems in your relationship with the one person you have to spend the rest of your life with apparently than to stand up to your friends.
LisaJill
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
If he was going to NYC or AC or even the hamptons there are strip clubs. He is planning on going to Fire Island and renting a place. I don't think there are strip clubs. That means that there is only private entertainment. No alternative.
I hate this stupid tradition
aliwnec10
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Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by LisaJill
If he was going to NYC or AC or even the hamptons there are strip clubs. He is planning on going to Fire Island and renting a place. I don't think there are strip clubs. That means that there is only private entertainment. No alternative.
I hate this stupid tradition
FYI: there aren't any strip clubs in the hamptons.
*I also hate this tradition and i'm not afraid to say that i refuse to put up with it. If that makes me a b*tch, OH WELL!!! I'd like to start off my marriage on a good note, not on a disgusting disrespectful note. Nothing says romance like going to see strippers take off their clothes before you get married!
LisaJill
Posted:
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
If anyone keeps their old cosmos, check out the March 2005 issue. Got a great article on EXACTLY what goes on at these parties. I can't get the freaking article on line cause i am not a member of 'high beam'
