Ok, so his bachelor party is next month. I told him that if he feels inclined to see naked women, I would prefer if he went to a venue for such entertainment rather than that entertainment being delivered to his door. He accepted this condition. Well it is a month away. He has decided to rent a place with his friends in Fire Island. There are no strip clubs in Fire Island. This means that his brother is very likely planning for strippers to come to him. I asked if he has bothered to tell his brother that there will be no naked women in any residence. he said He 'has not had time'. He has had 6 months. I have done EVERYTHING. I have not taken him to one vendor or forced him to make any decisions. That is the ONLY thing I have asked him to do. And he hasn't done it. HIs brother is a single 25 year old who told my FI that he has a friend who just started a company called 'guys last night out' and he is the same freaking 25 year old who bought FI a playboy subscription for xmas. I DO NOT want this kid planning the BP with no limitations in mind. I am really uncomfortable with this. I hate having to continuously nag fh about something he promised me he would do. When i asked him yesterday, he swore up and down that he had already told his brother and then he slipped later and told me he hadn't. Ahh just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!
sr081906
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I have voiced my feelings to FH. We have both agreed to no female/male strippers or male reviews. It's just easier that way. We decided we can still have fun without bringing ourself into situations we may have to 'explain' later. We do trust each other but we both know things don't always go the way they started. Peer pressure, alcohol. If not us, someone with us may not behave and you know they are married, etc... We don't want those problems. That goes for both men and women.
FH is also telling me that male strippers coming to houses do 'a lot more' than stripping.
mavirella
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
ladies, you are all correct. These party get downright grimy. It's funny how everyone gets on the female stripper for the disgusting acts they do ( and they are disgusting) and not talk about the men (especially theirs). It's also funny how people talk about the pressures of friends and drinking. What is this? Junior high school? Peer pressure? Yes it exists but then again your fh's should have the cojones to say no. You think I really care what my friends think if I don't participate. C'mon? Any adult should have some rationale when it comes to these situations. Hotel rooms have doors. If it gets too hot, he should walk out. A lot of you talk about the friends and the sluts. These are the same type of sentiments that come from women who have been cheated on and want to go after the girl. We all know what types of things happen at these parties. If he's going to do something he's going to do it. He's wrong for not being honest. And what's the point of telling him you are going to have strippers. to get him mad? so silly. If u want them get them. Not my cup of tea but whatever.
Deedlebug126
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I completely trust FH, otherwise I would never marry him. I still hate the idea of him watching strippers... Its not a matter of trust, I just think its tacky.
leese
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Actually, I don't think that it's making her husband to look like a 'P' word to set limitations with his friends. In fact, my DH did this with his. And I would say my DH is far from a 'P' word since he risks his lives everyday.
I think that everything boils down to one thing. If you ask your DH to do something or not do something and it is reasonable, then I don't understand why they wouldn't or couldn't.
The truth is, he probably wants the whole shabang and is so excited about it. The truth is, he is probably dreading telling his younger brother that he made a commitment to you and fears being called the 'P' word. And he is probably hoping you'll change your mind. But in the end, he made it and he has to agree and abide by it.
And I'll also say that the feelings won't just end after the wedding. It'll be something that nags at you if he doesn't do as you ask.
HTH!
MrsWmson2be
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by LisaJill
If he was going to NYC or AC or even the hamptons there are strip clubs. He is planning on going to Fire Island and renting a place. I don't think there are strip clubs. That means that there is only private entertainment. No alternative.
I hate this stupid tradition
FYI: there aren't any strip clubs in the hamptons.
*I also hate this tradition and i'm not afraid to say that i refuse to put up with it. If that makes me a b*tch, OH WELL!!! I'd like to start off my marriage on a good note, not on a disgusting disrespectful note. Nothing says romance like going to see strippers take off their clothes before you get married!
I have no problem being that 'demanding b*tch.' I'm faithful, I'll help him if he needs my help, I'll have his baby...I'm sorry, but I'm not running a 'Burger King' I consider DH a pretty lucky guy in general and you don't always get things your way. He & I agree on this issue and we respect each other. If he wanted to see a chick make love to a beer bottle...well I believe he was a single guy for the first 26 years of his life where he had years witness it.
MrsWmson2be
Posted:
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by mavirella
ladies, you are all correct. These party get downright grimy. It's funny how everyone gets on the female stripper for the disgusting acts they do ( and they are disgusting) and not talk about the men (especially theirs). It's also funny how people talk about the pressures of friends and drinking. What is this? Junior high school? Peer pressure? Yes it exists but then again your fh's should have the cojones to say no. You think I really care what my friends think if I don't participate. C'mon? Any adult should have some rationale when it comes to these situations. Hotel rooms have doors. If it gets too hot, he should walk out. A lot of you talk about the friends and the sluts. These are the same type of sentiments that come from women who have been cheated on and want to go after the girl. We all know what types of things happen at these parties. If he's going to do something he's going to do it. He's wrong for not being honest. And what's the point of telling him you are going to have strippers. to get him mad? so silly. If u want them get them. Not my cup of tea but whatever.
I also agree that male strippers are just as wrong. If a woman has a bachelorette party with male strippers, then she has no grounds for complaining when FH has strippers at his party.
LisaJill
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
I only saw one when i was in college for my friend's 21st b-day. He was short, ugly and had backne eeew
Guys used to get married in their early 20's. that is not the case any more. My fh had the house in the hamptons for a few summers, the house in montauk and he went to college for 4 years (aside from vacation in southbeach with his friends and AC). It isn't like he hasn't had the time and opportunity to do it for the last 31 years. Now, after 4 years together, after asking me to marry him, i don't think that it is ok to act like a fool and be involved in this.
I was not a total b!tch. I am ok with him going to Fire Island for an entire weekend with the guys. I just thik there must be limits. And quite honestly, screw his friends that think he is being a 'p'. They have known him long enough, I am sure they have seen him conductng himself differently (before he started dating me of course!)
Thanks for all your support!
NY031978
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
i agree with you...going to gossips and having a lap dance is 1 thing to rent a room is a total diff level! This is a fight Alex and i have even more the words will you be my wife came out of his mouth! it makes me sick to think he wants this but its true its something all guys do and well if this is what he wants well my request is the same..
go to a place and dont bring those tramps to a room! Also that means no renting VIP rooms at these strip clubs!!
also i think 1 night out is enough it doenst need to be a weekend!
JandJ1224
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
UHH I hate the idea of strippers at FH bachelor party. It is totally unacceptable to me. This whole idea of it being tradition is bull sht. I completely understand how you feel and am going through something similar now with my FH. I hope that in the end your FH respects your wishes.
cantwait2bewed
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Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by MJDoc12
Posted by Tracy&Brian
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
3. Seriously, dont make him look like a Pu8sy in front of his friends. The worst thing you can do to your FH is take away his manhood in front of his friends. Its just going to make him feel stupid and pathetic and whipped. Then he is going to resent you for it in the end.
Just remember, boys are stupid and perverted. Your FH loves you deeply and won't do anything to hurt you intentionally. If you love him, you will respect him enough to trust him and let him have his weekend of fun...no hassles.
If you totally hate this advice, I understand. I am just trying to help.
i second this entire post---agree 110%.
I really really second this post. Dont show him your insecurities never show a man that.
June12007bride
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
ssdbk
Posted:
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Re: I am so mad at my FH
Well, 2 things--you can totally LAUGH at these guys b/c it will cost them a load of $$ to get strippers to come over to FI!!! AND second, as one of a few resident LIW Fire Islanders, I'll be your spy or I'll get my friends to cocktease these guys in the bars. I'm out there any weekend that I'm not working all summer. And I can be quite evil!
Don't worry, I am not some psycho. Just want to make you feel better!
mrsh2b
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
That is so annoying...I can totally relate to you. MY FH yesses me to death! He's probably feeling pressured by the guys to not look like a whipped you know what, so he's elected not to say anything. I'm sure in the end he's going to come through for you. Good luck!
weddingbunny
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by cantwait2bewed
Posted by MJDoc12
Posted by Tracy&Brian
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
3. Seriously, dont make him look like a Pu8sy in front of his friends. The worst thing you can do to your FH is take away his manhood in front of his friends. Its just going to make him feel stupid and pathetic and whipped. Then he is going to resent you for it in the end.
Just remember, boys are stupid and perverted. Your FH loves you deeply and won't do anything to hurt you intentionally. If you love him, you will respect him enough to trust him and let him have his weekend of fun...no hassles.
If you totally hate this advice, I understand. I am just trying to help.
i second this entire post---agree 110%.
I really really second this post. Dont show him your insecurities never show a man that.
Don't show a man your insecurities? Are you kidding? No offence, I don't want to start an argument, but I can't imagine marrying a man who I couldn't show my insecurities.
Anybody who is going to cut and run because I show him that I get insecure sometimes (because, let's face it, I'm HUMAN and it happens) doesn't deserve to be my husband.
On the stripper thing... it really IS about trust - not just whether or not you can trust him with a stripper, but also whether or not you can trust him to respect you and respect your feelings and not lie to you to wiggle out of having to take responsibility. Personally, I see why guys feel the need to go to a strip club or whatever for their bachelor party, and considering my FH and I were 16 when we started going out, and he never got the chance to do the 'single' stuff a lot of other guys got to do... I get it. So I'm going to suck it up and deal, because I know he has no interest in having a stripper anywhere near his private parts (std anybody?). However, he damn well better be completely honest with me about where he is going and what he's doing, because to me, THAT is what makes a marriage work - honesty. And that's a habit we need to get in from the beginning.
aliwnec10
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by weddingbunny
Posted by cantwait2bewed
Posted by MJDoc12
Posted by Tracy&Brian
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
3. Seriously, dont make him look like a Pu8sy in front of his friends. The worst thing you can do to your FH is take away his manhood in front of his friends. Its just going to make him feel stupid and pathetic and whipped. Then he is going to resent you for it in the end.
Just remember, boys are stupid and perverted. Your FH loves you deeply and won't do anything to hurt you intentionally. If you love him, you will respect him enough to trust him and let him have his weekend of fun...no hassles.
If you totally hate this advice, I understand. I am just trying to help.
i second this entire post---agree 110%.
I really really second this post. Dont show him your insecurities never show a man that.
Don't show a man your insecurities? Are you kidding? No offence, I don't want to start an argument, but I can't imagine marrying a man who I couldn't show my insecurities.
Anybody who is going to cut and run because I show him that I get insecure sometimes (because, let's face it, I'm HUMAN and it happens) doesn't deserve to be my husband.
I was thinking the same thing!
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
bottom line regardless of anything else ---- you feel uncomfortable with it.... if he knows its something thats going to hurt you, he should man up to his buddies, respect you....HE SHOULDNT DO IT.
rlgirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
Posted by Tracy&Brian
I preface this by saying that I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are uncomfortable with this but....
1. Why does it really matter where he sees naked women? You trust him. He loves you. He is going to see naked woman at his bachelor party. Doesnt change how much he loves you. The location of the naked woman should not be important.
2. Even if he told his friends no strippers, they are gonna get them for him anyways. Then he is gonna feel worse and guilty if he promises you that there wont be any strippers and there are. Hence, he is going to have less fun because he is going to be scared of you finding out.
3. Seriously, dont make him look like a Pu8sy in front of his friends. The worst thing you can do to your FH is take away his manhood in front of his friends. Its just going to make him feel stupid and pathetic and whipped. Then he is going to resent you for it in the end.
Just remember, boys are stupid and perverted. Your FH loves you deeply and won't do anything to hurt you intentionally. If you love him, you will respect him enough to trust him and let him have his weekend of fun...no hassles.
If you totally hate this advice, I understand. I am just trying to help.
i also agree with this post. he cant control what his friends decide to do. the only way he can avoid it is by not going. i wouldnt let on to his friends how you feel about it because men can be such jerks sometimes that his friend is probably doing this on purpose just to be an a**.
kittythestray
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am so mad at my FH
The whole point is that if SHE is uncomfortable with it HE should respect that and not do it. It doesn't have to be strippers, the issue could be money, children, religion... if he (or ANYONE) says her opinion is 'stupid' or 'non-issue' they're wrong. She's entitled to her opinion and if this upsets her and her FH doen't care and does it anyway, then that is a problem.
What if the issue was 15 years from now and it's 'should we let our 14 year old daughter go to a party where there's alcohol.' Some people would think that's no big deal and other's would FLIP. No one's really right, but everyone is entitled to their opinion on it.
Some women on here don't care if their FH has a stripper, some FH's don't like the whole stripper thing, and some want a stripper and the women care. Everyone couple needs to work it out and do what's best for their relationship.
