I can't believe my sister did this to me...

Original post by minniebride14

Jul 16, 2003 01:56 PM

I received this email from her this morning...

I have been thinking things over and have decided that it will not be
appropriate for me to be your maid of honor. It think that position is for
someone whom can share in the joy of this marriage with you and is a person
that you truely respect for their qualities. As a result of my decision, I
will not be responsible for giving you a bridal shower, and Danielle will
not be a flower girl in your wedding.

You are my sister and I do love you. My decision stands not to give you
grief but to give you relief.

Sage10.03 Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:25 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

I am SO SORRY to hear that you are going through this....

That is awful that she would do that to you!!!

Do you have a close friend that you could ask to step in? Why would your mom side with her?

Edited to add: the girls are right....It's probably better off that she isn't your MOH, you don't want someone spiteful like that as your MOH!

Jordan Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:27 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

Oh my gosh, that is just awful - I am so, so sorry. Like Karen said, maybe it's better that she NOT be your MOH...and to do that via email - ugh, awful.

OctBride05 Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:32 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

i'm so soryy that she did that to you.

eroxgirl Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:51 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

WOW thats nerve, but as everyone else has said, you are much better off without her as your MOH, because she obviously doesn't have your best interests at heart and your MOH is supposed to!

Samanthas Mom Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:52 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

did she say more of why? Maybe she will change her mind?

Diane Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:53 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

so sorry to hear that I would be so mortified if my sister sent that to me.
I dont know what to say. Are you two very close?? Is she older??
HUGS

minniebride14 Posted: Jul 16, 2003 02:57 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

She won't. And, I just called my mother and she saw nothing wrong with her.

LizD Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:00 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

I agree with everyone else, you are better off without her being in your wedding. She seems very immature and spiteful (it is terrible to pull her daughter out too if she was looking foreward to it). I would replace her, and if by some chance she does change her mind, I would tell her it's too late!

Hugs for you

sanmik Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:00 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

Don't even make mention of it anymore to either her or your mom. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of thinking she upset you. That's disgusting what she did and she doesn't deserve to be your MOH. Ask you FSIL - - she sounds as if she respects you more. I know it's hurtful and sad, but you can't pick your family, you can pick your friends and who you allow in your life.

Marnles Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:06 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sometimes family can really shock us, and it hurts that much more because they are blood. It's not someone you can just say 'screw it' and move on...

Eventually, I hope you will be able to talk about it, so you can give her your side. Although the damage is done, perhaps you can repair some of your relationship (if that's what you want).

The way in which she did it will never be justified. But the fact that she did it may have confirmed things you've known about her all along, as unfortunate as it is.

I'm sure you have a friend or relative who would be happy to step up and take the place of your MOH. Someone who wants to be there and will be happy to do all those wonderful things for you, the bride, that you deserve!

Samanthas Mom Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:07 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

im sorry hugs to you
maybe one of your good friends would be a better MOH then
how disappointing though for a sister to do that

michele31 Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:10 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

All I can say is that i am sorry. this is no way to deal with any problems. why did your SIL call your sister? I guess I don't think your FI should have called your SIL, he probably should have spoken to your Mom or sister directly. Your sister may be having trouble paying for a shower or your mom might have really wanted it in her home. but regardless she is going to use her daughter to hurt you and that is plain wrong.
if I were you I would start to accept the fact that she and your mom will not be your support in any of the plans.

nrvbrd Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:14 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

I am so shocked by this!!!!

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:16 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

I am VERY sorry to hear that you are going thru this - it is very hard when people who are supposed to be supportive and help you with the wedding change and become stressful or back out completely.

I'm sorry you are going thru this and if you need an ear let me know

minniebride14 Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:18 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

well, my FI doesn't really get along with my sis because of past things she's done to hurt me. he's polite and respectful, but he thought it would be better if he asked my SIL to speak with her - and he even offered to help sister out if money was an issue. he just wanted to make sure my shower was what i wanted. my sister should have called HIM if she had a problem with the message he passed along. she clearly had an issue with it and was 'hurt', but she didn't even bother calling him - just emailed me to hurt me. and, yes, my 3 yr old niece (goddaughter) was very excited she was going to be a flower girl; she talked about it all the time. my mom 'sided' with my sister, saying she was very upset - not even caring that i was upset as well. i just told her that both she and my sister should just consider the wedding 'nonexistent' to them. i told her i was done with both of them.

DeniseMang Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:20 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

Minnie, first off to you. I feel like crying for you for 1) I love my sister to death and I can't even begin to imagine her doing that to me or vice versa, 2) that email from you sister is eerily similar to an email that I received from a friend of my sister and I. And her name was Danielle. Ok, well she was in my wedding and was suppose to be in my sister's wedding in January. Well between getting married and getting the house and trying to survive the first year of marriage, we have not hung out that often. My sister also has problems which I can't go into here this past year. WEll out of the blue, she emails ME, for my sister's wedding, that she will not be in the wedding, nor will she be attending the wedding. She wished us luck, blah blah blah. She states given the nature of our friendship, it was inappropriate to ask her in the first place. My sister loves this girl. Long story, short. I know how you feel. So my sister wrote her this long (8 page) letter telling her what has been going on, etc. She never responded. That was it. Ended the friendship in an email and dropped out of her wedding with 6 months to go in an email to ME no less. So I had to break the news to my sis. Sorry if this sounds all about me. I just haven't got around to telling the story here yet, but this post broght it all back for me.

What advice, I can give you, Sweetie. Is just surround yourself that day with the people who genuinely care for you. She sounds very selfish and self absorbed and unfortunately you can't pick your family. You can forgive, maybe someday, but never forget this. I hope I could help you in some small way, I don't really know what other advice i can give you. If you want to talk, please FM. I know what you are going through right now.

dandj Posted: Jul 16, 2003 03:22 PM

Re: I can't believe my sister did this to me...

That is so horrible that you have to go through this... but what everybody else says is true it is better to surround yourself with friends who will be happy for you than family who won't.