My mom and my SIL are going to look at prospective places for my shower next Monday. And my mom was asking me if she should invite FMIL along. I said sure, it's nice to include her so she doesn't feel left out. So my mom called her and invited her and she said she wouldn't be able to come cause she's already had plans. Which both me and my mom totally understand. So my mom told her that she would keep her posted on everything. So FMIL said 'thanks and please do that' but didn't outright offer to help.
I know that planning and organizing the bridal shower is my mom's responsibility but I'm a little hurt and offended that she didn't offer to help. I'm close with her and we get along really well so i kinda of assumed she want to get involved somehow. I also get that the party is for me but seriously its not like we're registering for handbags for shoes - its all stuff her son is gonna use too.
Am I over reacting?
VCanizalez
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
No chica.... Ur not overreacting... i woudl feel offended and mad too... Wow why she would NOT want to come to ur Bridal shoer???? U will SOON be part of his family!!!!
quirkybride
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
I'm sorry you're hurt. Maybe she thinks this is your mom's role and doesn't want to be pushy. Maybe she'll be very involved with planning the rehersal dinner.
SoonToBeMrsCali
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Not overreacting, maybe her way of helping is saying 'please do that'... I would try not to read too much in to it, but maybe if your mom keeps her in the loop, she will then say 'ok i can take care of that'....
did you ask FH about it, does he get a sense that FMIL will be helping??
Pacie
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Thanks V- she's coming to the shower she just couldnt go with my mom to look places - which i understand she's busy- but i'm upset she didn't offer to help
adelz
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Posted by SoonToBeMrsCali
Not overreacting, maybe her way of helping is saying 'please do that'... I would try not to read too much in to it, but maybe if your mom keeps her in the loop, she will then say 'ok i can take care of that'....
I agree - especially if it was over the phone, it might have just been a way for her to say yes I want to be involved but can't now and keep me in the loop and I'm sure throughout the process she will offer to help. Especially since you guys are close.
Pacie
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Posted by quirkybride
I'm sorry you're hurt. Maybe she thinks this is your mom's role and doesn't want to be pushy. Maybe she'll be very involved with planning the rehersal dinner.
that's the thing she already told us she want to take care of the rehersal dinner but i dunno i feel like this is such a big part of the wedding she wont be involved in
Pacie
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Posted by SoonToBeMrsCali
Not overreacting, maybe her way of helping is saying 'please do that'... I would try not to read too much in to it, but maybe if your mom keeps her in the loop, she will then say 'ok i can take care of that'....
did you ask FH about it, does he get a sense that FMIL will be helping??
Ron can't even remember the time our wedding starts - i'm not gonna get any reliable info from him
MrsTarricone2B
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
I can totally understand why your hurt, but maybe your fmil thinks she's doing the right thing by not offering. Some mom's really look forward to planning their daughter's shower and don't want anyone else's input (my mom is kinda like this lol). Maybe your fmil just doesn't want to step on toes?
wiggleit28
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
I can understand why you are offended but I agree with what some of the others said...don't overthink it. Maybe she doesn't want to step on your mom's toes. Sounds like she wants to be kept in the loop so maybe she's waiting to see how she can help.
SoonToBeMrsCali
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Posted by Pacie
Posted by SoonToBeMrsCali
Not overreacting, maybe her way of helping is saying 'please do that'... I would try not to read too much in to it, but maybe if your mom keeps her in the loop, she will then say 'ok i can take care of that'....
did you ask FH about it, does he get a sense that FMIL will be helping??
Ron can't even remember the time our wedding starts - i'm not gonna get any reliable info from him
LOLOL! well give it time and the next time you talk to FMIL you can bring it up... maybe ask her for her ideas?? If she feels more involved especially if she thinks it's traditional the bride's side that throws this...she may step up to the plate!
NikkiB0401
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
I understand where your coming from but maybe FMIL was trying not to step on your moms toes and didn't offer to help for that reason.
rosatemp
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Posted by quirkybride
I'm sorry you're hurt. Maybe she thinks this is your mom's role and doesn't want to be pushy. Maybe she'll be very involved with planning the rehersal dinner.
ITA
some mil's dont wanna step on mob toes
WeezyGirl2354
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
I would be a bit peeved but I wouldn't let it get to you too much.
I agree with what a lot of the other girls said - she might not want to step on toes. She figures this is your moms show, you are your mothers daughter so maybe its best just to let her go with it.
Some people are more laid back like that and others will always be like 'if you need anything let me know' - maybe she isnt saying that to your mom b/c she doesnt want your mom to think 'well w*t*f she doesn't think i can handle this?' (not saying your mom would think that at all, but that could be FMIL's thought process).
maybe mention it to FH - see if she has said anything about it to him.
ETA for w*t*f
Pacie
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
i know i know but i don't feel like offering to help is stepping on anyone's toes. if she started throwing out theme ideas and being pushy about what she wants to take care of - that's what i would say is stepping on toes.
I know i shouldnt over think it and that's what my mom said too But i still can't shake this feeling
Kiki22
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Maybe once a place is picked she will be more involved and help your mom. By saying 'Please do that' she wants to be updated and maybe after Monday will ask what she can do to help. HTH
HoosierCouple
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
leesah85
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
Posted by quirkybride
I'm sorry you're hurt. Maybe she thinks this is your mom's role and doesn't want to be pushy. Maybe she'll be very involved with planning the rehersal dinner.
ITA with this. My FMIL is the same way. I think it's because she doesn't want to be pushy/step on my mom's toes, but who knows.
Moonmist09
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
i was engaged once before and my ex FMIL did the same to my mom then. when it came time to help set up for the shower, she arrived 10 minutes before the shower, just like everyone else, and my mom and sister were going crazy setting up. she didn't even say thank you, or this place looks great, nothing. karma is a b@tch, it will come back to her.
I'm sorry you are going through this now and i hope it was just this one time thing...
Cataverri
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Re: I can't help it but I'm kinda offended
I'm sorry you feel that way....However, wait and see, she might offer her help once the place is booked or found! Good luck!
