I can't make anyone happy. (LONG VENT)

Ok so last night FH and I were talking about wedding stuff and all of a sudden he springs something on me. He waited two weeks to tell me that his mother reports that his sisters (the poor dears) are upset because they were not asked to be in the bridal party. Well guess what, MY two sisters weren't asked either. Neither was my sister in law. Why? Because I do not want an entourage. I will be a 35 year old anti-bride. I don't like cutsey bridal things, I do not like ANYTHING white with the exception of my dress (which is pearl). There will NOT be one white flower at my wedding. I just don't like them - NOT my style. I don't want a trail of a mile-long bridal party either.

So here I am flipping out that he withheld this information from me. He held onto it for two weeks. Oh well! Now it is no longer my problem. I do not think that ANYONE should dictate who stands next to me on my wedding day. My sisters and sister in law are relieved not to be in the bridal party and frankly do not want to wear bridesmaid dresses. But I will not ask his sisters or anyone else to be in the bridal party two months after I asked everyone else. I certainly would not accept that offer. He then says that he is upset that no one from his family is in the bridal party. NOW? After all this time? My nieces and nephews are in it but they are young children. He decides to tell me this 2 months after our engagement. Before we were engaged, we discussed, at length that we weren't having siblings - too many pots spoil the broth. He even told one of his sisters BEFORE we were engaged that that was the plan and she was fine with it.

All of a sudden its an issue? Too bad. It seems as if I can't make ONE decision without checking it out with everyone else. So maybe I am a little bridezilla-ish on this one but too bad. I decide who stands next to me. No one else. If they don't like it they will have to learn to deal.

after we booked our hall, fh brother(his best man, not by choice) said how is lynn(his wife) going to get there. she doesn't drive on the highway. hello, that's not our problem. then a few months ago, he (fh brother) was surprised we didn't ask his wife to be in the bridal. my bil isn't in the bridal party. his brother said all the weddings he's been to the in laws have been in the bp. they're probably closer to the bride and groom. fh talked to his brother then everything was ok. we even offered to have her do a reading. he says she wouldn't read in front of a large group.

we can't please everyone

I am so sorry you are going through this!

It seems that everyone ALWAYS needs to stick their nose in your business when planning a wedding...I understand you are upset that your FH held that in for 2 weeks but he might have been nervous to approach the subject with you because of your reaction...Remember one thing though, this is FH & your wedding...You are entitled to do whatever you want!!! I can't see asking his sisters to be in the BP if yours aren't! That would be absurd! You do not need to explain yourself to no one but FH!

FH might be feeling like no one from his side is in the BP because he is getting the guilt trip from his family...You need to speak with FH & explain that you both had decided on how you were going to do the BP & that you can't let other's feelings & opinions affect your decisions! This day is about the two of you & nobody else!

There is always going to be someone at your wedding that DOESN'T agree with something that you picked...That is too bad, they had their day or will have theirs & that is when they can do whatever pleases them!

Hang in there! Keep your head up!

I think it is perfectly fair that if you don't even have your sisters in the BP, then you wouldn't have FH's sisters in the BP either. You can always have someone in his family do a reading if you want to include them with less drama than a huge BP.

In my case I opted not to have a big bridal party. We are only having my sister as MOH, and his sister as the only bridesmaid. His best friend is the BM and that is it.

Opting to keep is simple was my goal and all those who are not in my wedding party understands that it was nothing personal and that they should just come to the wedding a have a good time!

Try to remain as calm as possible and remember you are not alone! It is your wedding and you are allowed to have or not have whoever you want in your bridal party! You will never make everyone happy and fact is they will all get over it. The only person you need to make sure is ok with everything is FH.

FH told his brother's wife that I would be asking her to be my BM. ummm, HOW ABOUT CHECKING WITH ME FIRST, HUN???

I had no plans to ask her and I didn't.

What I don't get is WHY anyone would be upset that they were not asked to be in a bridal party??????

I am happy to be a BM's when I'm asked BUT in all honesty...I'd rather be a guest...do people really want to deal with the BM dress (the style of it and the color), the shoes, the hair, the bridal shower and gift, the bachelorette party...etc etc...its ALOT...why do people complain???

You are right NO ONE should dicate who should be standing next to you and your husband to be the day of your wedding but YOU TWO...I say let them be upset...if it bothers them so much let them come up to you...its your wedding...this is how you want it...CASE CLOSED...

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

I think it is perfectly fair that if you don't even have your sisters in the BP, then you wouldn't have FH's sisters in the BP either. You can always have someone in his family do a reading if you want to include them with less drama than a huge BP.

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I wish it were that simple. We are Jewish. We don't have readings. They are just going to have to deal.

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Posted by Thumballina

What I don't get is WHY anyone would be upset that they were not asked to be in a bridal party??????

I am happy to be a BM's when I'm asked BUT in all honesty...I'd rather be a guest...do people really want to deal with the BM dress (the style of it and the color), the shoes, the hair, the bridal shower and gift, the bachelorette party...etc etc...its ALOT...why do people complain???

You are right NO ONE should dicate who should be standing next to you and your husband to be the day of your wedding but YOU TWO...I say let them be upset...if it bothers them so much let them come up to you...its your wedding...this is how you want it...CASE CLOSED...

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i agree, and if you did decide to have them in the party to begin with i'm sure they would of had something else to complain about it. your doing them and yourself a favor by not having them in the wedding, especially if they are complainers.

I don't thin you're being a bridezilla at ALL. it's your decision who stands with you. If you didn't even ask your OWN sisters, I can't imagine why they should feel offended! You can't please everyone, so don't try. You obviously know what you want, you don't need these opinions.

I don't know wy Fh withheld it from you though or why NOW all of a SUDDEN he's got a problem with no one from his fam being in the BP. Sometimes this happens with my FH, we'll make an agreement, he'll discover hs family is upset about it and then HE'LL get upset about it.

Oh Leslie, I'm so sorry your FSILs are giving you a hard time!!

You can't please every one, so don't try! Just be concerned with you and your FH's happiness on your special day, it's so not about anyone else. Your FSILs will just have to grow up and get over it.

Don't be upset, you're not being a bridezilla over this!! Your requests are perfectly reasonable, stick with what you want and enjoy your wedding!!!

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Posted by Goldi1021



I wish it were that simple. We are Jewish. We don't have readings. They are just going to have to deal.

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She could read the 7 blessing in English or do the Motzi at the reception

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Posted by hocus

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Posted by Goldi1021

I wish it were that simple. We are Jewish. We don't have readings. They are just going to have to deal.

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She could read the 7 blessing in English or do the Motzi at the reception

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That wouldnt be good enough for them. They want to wear dresses. I also think that a married person or a couple should do those blessings and FH's father will do the motzi. He is expecting to.

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Posted by Goldi1021

Thanks Kissy. I needed to hear it from someone else!

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Very welcome I have dealt with many family issues while planning this wedding & that is my motto & I don't care who I offend!!! it is my day!!!

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Posted by kissy27

I am so sorry you are going through this!

It seems that everyone ALWAYS needs to stick their nose in your business when planning a wedding...I understand you are upset that your FH held that in for 2 weeks but he might have been nervous to approach the subject with you because of your reaction...Remember one thing though, this is FH & your wedding...You are entitled to do whatever you want!!! I can't see asking his sisters to be in the BP if yours aren't! That would be absurd! You do not need to explain yourself to no one but FH!

FH might be feeling like no one from his side is in the BP because he is getting the guilt trip from his family...You need to speak with FH & explain that you both had decided on how you were going to do the BP & that you can't let other's feelings & opinions affect your decisions! This day is about the two of you & nobody else!

There is always going to be someone at your wedding that DOESN'T agree with something that you picked...That is too bad, they had their day or will have theirs & that is when they can do whatever pleases them!

Hang in there! Keep your head up!

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I couldn't have said it better myself!!

His sisters need to get over it, and quickly, You picked who you picked and thats that. You don't have to explain yourself to ANYONE!
Don't get mad at FH because he just prob hears both sides and is getting it from both ends. Just ignore what everyone has to say, they'll get over it

Your Fh could have withheld the info because he knew it was ridiculous and in fact would upset you, and then the guilt trip from his family was getting to him.. I wouldnt be upset with him too much...AND DO NOT stress over his sisters.. IT IS NOT a necessity to have EVERY person in your BP... WHY???? I personally do not like HUGE bridal parties...and if you arent even having your own sisters why in HEAVEN would you have his ????????????????? They need to suck it up...

FMIL told me I should have my FH's brothers girlfriend in the BP= they have been dating years but are always on the verge of breaking up and I am not the biggest fan of her either... I kindly said that Fh and I decided that we werent going to have 'SUSAN'
because she wasnt that close to me or FH and the BP should be people who are close to the bride and or groom.

GOOD LUCK